Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Leaving the baby

176 replies

KayTee87 · 20/10/2016 11:35

Aibu or am I being weird I suppose that I don't want to leave my 11 week old baby with anyone other than my husband yet?
I've had a few comments that make me think it's unusual that he's not been looked after by either of his Granny's yet. I don't feel the need for him to be with anyone except one of his parents and I will be back at work full time in 7 months so am enjoying my time with my son. Also I know I wouldn't enjoy being away from him. We visit grandparents with him so they get to see him maybe once a week anyway.

Can I ask when you left your baby to be looked after by someone other than its other parent?

OP posts:
pastelmacaroons · 21/10/2016 09:53

But even if you were unusual it doesn't matter, your baby your choice. Grandparents do not have the right to expect you to leave baby with them

yes 100%

DaveGrohlsMrs · 21/10/2016 10:00

Nope, totally normal in my opinion! The first time hubby and I had a night out after our daughter was born was when she was 7 months old! I was exclusively breast feeding up until 5 months and still giving her feeds up until almost a year so I felt I couldn't really leave her. It's up to the individual parent though, I know of some babies who were left with grandparents practically from birth and of others who are now over 2 years old who have never been left. Whatever feels ok to you is fine, don't let anyone pressure you if you are not ready.

StrawberryQuik · 21/10/2016 10:01

I wander if sometimes mums use breastfeeding as a way to legitimise not wanting to leave their babies yet? I know I did. I purposely never bought a pump because I was worried that if he took to bottles people would have pressured me to go on a night out to have 'a break' which in the early I would have hated.
Also, barring medical/having to go back to work necessity I wanted to be the only one to feed him.

Incidentally he's sitting up/starting to wean now and I feel completely different, at first he was this tiny fragile newborn and now he feels like a big boy and I like watching him explore/make relationships.

bruffin · 21/10/2016 10:04

My dd was with gp for whole day every 2cweeks from about 6 weeks. She was the happiest baby i know ( very happy teenager as well,except when she lost her darling gps)
I think people overestimate how much babies need their mothers. They just need someone who will love and care for them.
My ds was with a childminder from 3 months and again he survived to be a very well balanced boy,now a man.

Shutupanddance1 · 21/10/2016 10:05

I EBF my little one who is 3 months and I have only left her one night for few hours to go to the cinema, baby was with granny. I pumped and baby takes bottles from daddy so I'm very lucky.

I don't think I use BF as an excuse - it's a form of nutrition to my baby

DrWhy · 21/10/2016 11:22

I pump and he will take a bottle from DH, unfortunately I can't pump more than about half a feed in one go and trying to find two periods in a day to pump in between feeding him and trying to do anything else is a nightmare. So no, not trying to legitimise not leaving him, just trying to keep him fed.
Before he was born I had every intention that I'd pump daily and DH would give the evening bottle every night - just hasn't worked out like that.

lrb978 · 21/10/2016 13:32

Another who had no choice as DS was prem and spent 5 weeks in hospital. And as I was doing college on an evening, he then spent a couple of hours twice a week with grandparents from the Feb until the June. But just because I had no choice doesn't mean everyone should, it is whatever works for you.

Bibs2014 · 21/10/2016 13:34

Didn't leave DS with anyone till he was 1 and a half! That was with grandma for a couple of hours so me and DH could go out for a birthday meal.

Tobebythesea · 21/10/2016 13:43

It's not weird. It's what feels comfortable for you.

I was desperate to get away after about 2 months as my husband works long hours, no family nearby and it was just me looking after a non sleeping baby 24 hours a day.

Unicorn1981 · 21/10/2016 13:56

No. I have a friend who put her baby in nursery at 3 months because of work and my dsil who had to leave her baby for a few weeks at 5 months due to a RAF tour. She found it very hard. I didn't leave my dd until she was about 4 months just for the day with other dsil as we had to drive somewhere to get her cot out of storage (given to us as family heirloom) and I found it quite hard. We were very busy that day though. I didn't leave her in childcare until she was one though. You do whatever works for you. Why should you leave your baby and why should you be made to feel bad if you do. It's up to you at the end of the day. Why do people feel the need to comment on it? Sometimes it's nice to have your little bubble you and your baby but it is nice for dad to have some time too so I'd take advantage of that for a couple of hours Wink

notfromstepford · 21/10/2016 14:16

No YANBU at all.
DS 1 was with either me or DH until he was 9 months old and went to nursery full time.
DS2 is 7 months and we had to leave him a couple of times recently with GM or Aunty but for less than an hour.

The only time I've ever spent a night away from them is when I was in hospital for 2 nights having DS2.

I think because I have no option but to work full time, when I did have 6 months off with both of them (DH is taking the other 6 months this time and took 3 months with DS1) I really wanted to treasure the little time I had with them. Everyone is different and needs different things though, so you just go with what makes you comfortable and happy.

LaPharisienne · 21/10/2016 15:23

YANBU - I wanted to have a baby for so long and love my baby so much I couldn't bear to leave her for any length of time. DP is the only person who has looked after her without me.

Having said that, it wasn't how I would have chosen to do it! I was going to express, share feeds, go to the gym... and here I am with an EBF baby who wouldn't know a bottle if it hit her in the face!

ElliesMummy123 · 21/10/2016 16:51

Not odd at all! It took me until my daughter was 6 months old to leave her, and that was only because It was my birthday and hubby wanted to take me out!

It's still early days, and hopefully family members will understand that. There is years and years ahead where your child will go out with grandparents, aunts and uncles etc. for days out and sleepovers.

I went back to work, only on weekends, when my daughter was 10 months old, and yes it was hard, it eventually gets easier and now I can see how much she enjoys going and doing things with nanny and grandad (OH's parents) whilst I go to work, and the excitement on her face when I pick her up after work is the best!

It will get easier, promise! Just give it time and make sure it's when your both happy and comfortable with it, don't feel pressured into it! Smile

Dieu · 21/10/2016 17:02

I used to skip out the door, but I don't think I'm the norm Grin

toodles60 · 21/10/2016 17:54

I never did for the first few months. Absolutely normal hun. You do what you feel is right for you.

bingandabong · 21/10/2016 18:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

emmyhNL · 21/10/2016 18:51

Definitely not. I see where you're coming from though. My MIL (and parents) tell me all about friends who have already left their babies for days/overnights and why don't we do it yet? It gets on my nerves entirely.

I say: I chose to have my daughter with the responsibility that it entails. This means I choose to stay with her.

Nicnac81 · 21/10/2016 19:04

Nope, my in-laws have been asking when they can have her overnight, MIL said I should leave my LO with her at 4months!! That was a big no.... she is breast fed and wakes up every few hours!! Not sure how she was going to feed her as she hates bottles!!

The suggestion has made me not want to let her stay with her at all ( plus she is a smoker so there is no chance ever really!!)

bingandabong · 21/10/2016 19:07

I say: I chose to have my daughter with the responsibility that it entails. This means I choose to stay with her.
YES YES YES!! This 100%

Daydream007 · 21/10/2016 19:35

YANBU

cheval · 21/10/2016 20:10

Think you must do whatever feels best for you and the baby. I was similar with first and unwilling to let anyone have him apart from his dad. Must admit by the time second came around, I was far more relaxed and grabbed any chance of a little free time.

hazebaze87 · 21/10/2016 21:10

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

April1983 · 21/10/2016 21:27

I left my son with my mum overnight when he was 4 months old and I'm not going to lie, it was great!! We had a nice evening out, got to sleep in the next day and by the time I went to pick him up I really looked forward to seeing him. No buts or any explanations from me. We both loved it and frankly my mum is the earth mother type and looks after my children probably better than I do so I don't hesitate for a moment.

Saying that, I wouldn't leave my 6 week old overnight just yet but at 4 months, if my mum offers I'll gladly take it!!

SherbrookeFosterer · 21/10/2016 21:31

You must do things in your own time and on your terms.

Whose baby is it?

ArchibaldsDaddy · 21/10/2016 21:38

Not odd in the slightest...it took us about 6 months!

Swipe left for the next trending thread