Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Leaving the baby

176 replies

KayTee87 · 20/10/2016 11:35

Aibu or am I being weird I suppose that I don't want to leave my 11 week old baby with anyone other than my husband yet?
I've had a few comments that make me think it's unusual that he's not been looked after by either of his Granny's yet. I don't feel the need for him to be with anyone except one of his parents and I will be back at work full time in 7 months so am enjoying my time with my son. Also I know I wouldn't enjoy being away from him. We visit grandparents with him so they get to see him maybe once a week anyway.

Can I ask when you left your baby to be looked after by someone other than its other parent?

OP posts:
MiddleClassProblem · 20/10/2016 12:02

DD was 9 months when DH and I left her with my parents for the first time. We had a long all day thing with a 2 HR drive each way. I cried all the way there, had a lovely day, then cried all the way home and felt awful for missing her bedtime. DD didn't care one bit!

I now long for time out but I do think about her the whole time so it's not like I really switch off.

Cellardoor23 · 20/10/2016 12:03

Meant to add his grandparents (my pil) only live 20 mins down the road so we see each other quite frequently.

StarlingMurmuration · 20/10/2016 12:08

I think DS was about three weeks old, maybe? DS and I did the big Christmas food shop while DS stayed with the PILs. I had pretty bad PND though, not sure my reactions to leaving him ("I'm free! Free at last!") is really typical.

StarlingMurmuration · 20/10/2016 12:10

Cellardoor, do you mind me asking - why has DP never had DD on his own?

AuntDotsie · 20/10/2016 12:12

All sets of GPs were desperate to have DS overnight, from when he was about 6 mo. I find it a bit weird, tbh - they see him as much as they like anyway, what's so different about having him stay over? Maybe I'll get it if and when I'm a granny! But in the end, we packed DS off when he was 13mo to stay over at grandpa's and he was absolutely fine, they loved it, we had a night off, everyone was happy.

Crucially, though, DS was ready. No separation anxiety, very sociable little chap, secure and confident enough to know we would come back.

Evilstepmum01 · 20/10/2016 12:16

Yanbu. Or pfb. You're just being a good mum! Our DS is 3 now. He was 2 and a half before my DH and I went out without him and left him with DGP (they just had to put him to bed). Bit pfb I know, but he's never slept over at anyone elses house or been away from us for more than childcare or nursery.

As a baby, he came to restaurants with us as we simply didnt want to leave him and he's a wee dude!!

I see on fb friends leaving their DC with their parents for the weekend or even one whose 1 y-o went on holiday to her grand dads for a week!
Couldnt do it! Still couldnt now tbh!

He's our responsibility and we love having him around! We have a very happy, secure, confident, outgoing little boy, so I hope it worked!!

Cellardoor23 · 20/10/2016 12:17

StarlingMurmuration I'm not really sure. It's not because I don't trust him! He been to the shops on his own with him for about half an hour here and there, but never a full day or night.

He has said to me that I should go out for the day and he will look after DS but I haven't done it yet.

He does shift work too, so I think that's part of the reason as well.

Northend77 · 20/10/2016 12:20

My twins were just over 3 months old when DH had them for a weekend whilst i enjoyed a hen night in Butlins. He sent lots of pictures, texts and videos of the 3 of them and it looks like he really enjoyed it. I was just about recovered from my c-section so it was a lovely break away. My mum and Dad had them overnight about a month and a half later to give us a break from the relentless lack of sleep which was leaving us both broken. However, they were bottle fed, in their own room and we were in quite a desperate state by then so it was almost necessary to keep us sane. If they had been better sleepers it might not have been so early but as I didn't sleep next to them and was still not really bonded with them at that point (that took about 6 months for me) I was fine with it. I was more worried about how my mum and dad would cope at 65 and 70 years old! As it turned out everyone was fine (they actually slept a bit better there!) and they looked after them overnight about once every 1-2 months after that (I know we are very lucky).

However, it is your baby and if you aren't comfortable then it shouldn't be something that is forced upon you. 11 weeks old is very young. I think they need to take a step back from asking

Wheelerdeeler · 20/10/2016 12:21

Well he spent 7 days in SCBU so I was away from him then.

He was left with dad loads from the very start - cos you know, he is also his parent..... some people can't seem to grasp that on here.

My MIL had him at about 2 weeks for an afternoon and my SIL that evening.

After that, whenever I needed to get out or get a break, he was minded by several members of mine and Dh's family...... cos you know, they are capable and love him too.

He is a well adjusted well rounded 8 year old now with great relationships with his parents and extended family.

Wheelerdeeler · 20/10/2016 12:25

Oh and can I add that it is much better for a child to be used to be with other people than their parents. My child never had seperation anxiety as he knew his minders well and always knew we were coming back.

WARNING

We went to America for 6 days when he was 6.5years - yes, we all missed each other (it was a work thing that was a once in a lifetime opportunity) but because there was no issue with him going on sleepovers, the 6 days wasn't a huge deal.

Boosiehs · 20/10/2016 12:26

Your baby your rules. I wouldn't judge anyone for leaving or not.

I left DS1 for a week with DH when he was 8 months to go away for work. He has done the same a few times now.

My DS1 stayed with my mum and dad at 5 months for 3 nights when DH and I went away, also just before DS2 was born so we could have a efw nights of quiet!. DS1 has just had his first weekend with PiL at just over 3.

DS2 (9 months) and DS1 will stay with my mum and dad overnight next month so we can go away for our anniversary. I am looking forward to it!

Boosiehs · 20/10/2016 12:27

Oh and DH is a SAHD so left with DS1 and DS2 all the time!

bookworm14 · 20/10/2016 12:27

My DD is 14 months and has never been left overnight (although she is at nursery 3.5 days a week so I don't have a problem being apart from her during the day). We have booked a weekend away in December when she will be 16m, and she will be with my parents for two nights. I certainly wouldn't have felt comfortable with leaving her at 11 weeks - that's still practically newborn. Don't do it if you aren't happy about it.

Londonmamabychance · 20/10/2016 12:28

Do what feels right for you and ignore what everyone else says! if you want your bubba permanently glued to you until you go to work, go for it! It's very normal not to want to leave your baby early on (just as it's fine if you do feel comfortable to leave the baby with others). I was exactely the same, I did not leave my baby with anyone other than her dad for the first 4-5 months I think, and even after tht, she was only left with grandparents or a nanny in total less than 10 times before she turned one. She's now two and I've only ever spend one night away from her, when I had to go away for work, and I hated it.

pandapandipando · 20/10/2016 12:28

I left my son at 4 weeks with my husband for the day when I went to work.
I left him several times during my 5 months maternity leave for work, courses, etc. My husband changed jobs so was home for the 5 months I was off. He started work opposite shifts to me when I started work so he looks after baby during the day.

MiddleClassProblem · 20/10/2016 12:28

Never done an overnight but that's mainly because my parents live 3 hrs away and we have nowhere to go Grin

DrWhy · 20/10/2016 12:29

I'd be delighted to leave DS (5 weeks) with DH or one of his grandparents for several hours or possibly even overnight. Unfortunately he's ebf and feeds at best every 3 hours taking an hour at a time and he cluster feeds in the evening when DH is home so there is no chance of being away from him for more than 2 hours max and it's likely he'll be demanding food before that causing both DS and DH massive stress. I had no idea when I started how tying, restrictive and claustrophobic ebf would be. It really isn't just being pfb not to leave them.

Isitjustmeorisiteveryoneelse · 20/10/2016 12:34

YANBU. DDs were not left, even with the Grandparents, til they were 2 and 1. When DD1 was a newborn, I met a friend of a friend in town, who regaled me with story of her forthcoming marriage and honeymoon for which she was leaving her 6mth DD at home with her DM. I clutched my pearls.

Dontpanicpyke · 20/10/2016 12:35

Hi op, I had 4 and my youngest is 17. We left our older 2 for the first time aged 7/8. Grin it just wasn't for me although DM and darling mil would have had them.

I had my dear grandchild to give my dil a break from around 6 weeks and do it now twice a week. She's 9 months now. Have done 7 overnights too. Smile

I wouldn't ever be upset if not asked. It's just support if needed and dil hasn't left baby with her own mum ever.

Each yo own.

Smartleatherbag · 20/10/2016 12:36

You're not odd at all! It's entirely normal to want to be with your baby.

Cellardoor23 · 20/10/2016 12:36

Meant to add he has stayed with his uncle over night a couple of times as well. My DP would love to look after him on his own, unfortunately he hasn't had the opportunity. I think it's because when he does have the time off we like to spend it together as a family.

I agree though, he does need to to spend time with DS on his own. Will be making that change soon enough!

Pumkinpie73 · 20/10/2016 12:40

I do think leaving a baby with its father is important as a dad and baby bond needs to develop just as much as a mum and baby bond.

As for everyone else, not until you and your DH feel ready.

My DD is 6 months and this coming weekend she is staying with in laws for the very first time, while me and dh celebrate out wedding anniversary in a hotel.

Peach9876 · 20/10/2016 12:41

No kids yet for DP and I. So can't really say much. But we are planning on kids eventually and I have already come to the conclusion that once I feel ready (which is going to be different for everyone) I would leave DC with my MIL, SIL and my FIL's wife (in no specific order, but DP would prefer that order I think).
I wouldn't want my parents to have them until they can more or less look after themselves and not do wander off. Not sure if I'd ever want my siblings to be responsible for them.

Justathought2016 · 20/10/2016 12:51

It's totally natural to not feel ready to leave your baby at 11 weeks, I was the same but........ you mention you are going back to work full time and presumabley you can't take baby with you ? IF baby is going into a childcare setting then I'm sure you have thought about getting yourselves ready for that separation. It's not going to be easy to go from being a sahm to full time work 😩

pinkie1982 · 20/10/2016 12:55

Everyone is different. When my LO was 6w I let my sisters partner look after him for a few hours. We were on holiday and it was a boiling hot day. He took him so I could have some beach time and relax (traumatic experience with birth and prem, my partner also had no time off of work when I had him).

He slept out at 3 months old at my sisters.

I didn't want him to grow up clingy to me as my niece is 12 and still very clingy to her mum (wont go out to play/go to anyones house for tea/sleep out). My sister has a very hard time with her. She panics if not with her parents.

I did NOT want my son to be like this!

Now I am back at work and he is 16 months old. He is happy, stays with family whilst I am at work. Plays and shares nicely.

I only have a few select people I do leave him with though, family and one friend. Not just lending him out willy nilly!