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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Leaving the baby

176 replies

KayTee87 · 20/10/2016 11:35

Aibu or am I being weird I suppose that I don't want to leave my 11 week old baby with anyone other than my husband yet?
I've had a few comments that make me think it's unusual that he's not been looked after by either of his Granny's yet. I don't feel the need for him to be with anyone except one of his parents and I will be back at work full time in 7 months so am enjoying my time with my son. Also I know I wouldn't enjoy being away from him. We visit grandparents with him so they get to see him maybe once a week anyway.

Can I ask when you left your baby to be looked after by someone other than its other parent?

OP posts:
MiddleAgeMiddleEngland · 20/10/2016 19:02

Mine weren't with anyone except DH until they were about a year. Possibly with Grandma for about half an hour if she was staying and I went out briefly.

The first time I left them for an evening, DH looked after them, but he had a friend here who happens to be a GP. I did feel that they were in good hands Smile

QueenLizIII · 20/10/2016 19:03

I used to babysit in the early 00s and I was frequently left with babies who still needed night feeds so they were young enough for that.

supersop60 · 20/10/2016 19:03

Not weird at all - do what is right for you. My OH made me go out for a walk when DD was about a week old (she's 16 today).
It was lovely and strange at the same time. And she was yelling for a feed when I got back. -serves him right-

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 20/10/2016 19:10

I had a friend (non Brit) who told me she'd left her 4 week old dd with her mother for a MONTH while she went on holiday with her dh.
I was aghast.

She couldn't see what the fuss was about.

CPtart · 20/10/2016 19:27

I'd have left my baby with any grandparent that requested it and seemed keen to, but they never did and they never were. There was only me and DH. By 13 weeks I was going stir crazy so DC1 went to nursery pt and I left him with virtual 'strangers' while I went back to work . Same for DC2 at around 16 weeks. I was so ready for a break mentally both times, that after a tear or two on the first morning it was a blessed relief.

CostaAddict · 20/10/2016 19:57

Don't let anyone try and persuade you into leaving baby if you're not ready. With DS1 I left him at 4 weeks for 2hrs with my mum. I was living with her at the time so it felt completely right. My mum & dad also looked after him when I returned to work when he was 8months. I was also a single parent and DS had huge medical needs so this was a welcome relief.

Now with DH (he's adopted DS1) and had DS2 7 weeks ago. My mum watched both boys for 2 hrs last week as it was DH bday. I was an absolute wreck and had updates every 10 mins. I don't know why but this time I'm completely different. I don't want to leave baby. DS1 is now almost 7 and loves a sleepover at granny's. MIL is desperate to keep baby but I just can't bring myself to leave him. I'm still recovering after leaving him for the 2 hrs last week. Luckily DH is very supportive and is keeping MIL under wraps.

Both boys stay with DH while I run to shops, have a bath etc. I have no anxiety with that and he is an amazing dad.

Nessie100 · 20/10/2016 21:15

Did not RTFT, too busy feeding DS2, but I just saw the opening line & thought I'd give my 2 cents worth.

I left DS1 for few hours with his aunt @ 3 wks. Left overnight @ 8 wks, but only cos didnt have a chance for night away before then Wink.

It's no-one's business when you leave, or don't leave your child with someone.

Being with them 24/7 is NOT for me! But everybody has their own feelings. You do what you want, and what feels right - as long as you are not harming yourself or your child, who cares Smile.

Happyhippy45 · 20/10/2016 21:25

Left my dc1 for a few hours with my dad and step mum for a few hours when she was 2 months old.
She stayed overnight with my in laws quite regularly from 3 months old as I was working late shifts and DH was shattered from his work.
My own mum didn't get her overnight until she was about 6 months old.
Dc2......I don't honestly remember really!
You need to do whatever you are comfortable with. I was quite anxious about leaving dc1 but I think I got talked into it. I was still relatively young and easily persuaded.

nomorefrizz · 20/10/2016 21:26

Your behaviour is perfectly natural, stuff what anyone says they are thinking of themselves not you or your baby.

Mrsglitterfairy · 20/10/2016 21:28

Oh god, me & Dh must be terrible parents Shock. DS1 was left overnight with mil at 6 weeks old and from about 3 months, pretty much every Friday night to give us a decent nights sleep and some time together. DS2 also started staying out from about 2 months, mainly at my sisters or mil's. We got married this year and left both (now aged 5 & 8) with grandparents for a week while we went on honeymoon. They love their sleepovers, especially at my sisters with their cousins and dh & I get to go out and get very drunk see friends or just spend some time together.

SanityAssassin · 20/10/2016 21:30

9/10 weeks I went on holiday with GPs and left PFB with them every afternoon so I could do activities. Then left PFB with them for 3 days at 5 months.

Lifeonthefarm · 20/10/2016 21:35

Each to their own.

My son is the only one at swimming who doesn't cry his eyes out when the instructor holds him when getting in the pool, I do wonder how much of that is nurture over nature.

He has been looked after at least once a week since her was two weeks old. He is BF but not exclusively now (7 months).
I wanted him to be confident and outgoing, and not clingy to me, as for our lifestyle that just would not work (I work FT although often take him to work with me as I'm very fortunate to be able to do so).

If it is what you want then do what you want. But there is also no shame, or harm, in allowing loved ones to spend time with your child.

There could be a time you'd be grateful for your DC to be cared for by grandparents. If you were ill for example. In my view it's always good to have someone they are used to being with alone, just incase. My sister has 3 dc and was admitted to hospital for a lengthy period, the children would've been very stressed had they not been able to spend time with grandparents they were used to.

Woolyheads · 20/10/2016 21:35

Nursery from 13 weeks. Full time. Wish I had done it sooner.
Still BF though - until 9 months.

Sweetcheeks21 · 20/10/2016 21:42

Personally have never left them without anyone other than family and never been away from them over night (8,6,4).

Sweetcheeks21 · 20/10/2016 21:45

With, not without Confused

aspoonfulofyourownmedicine · 20/10/2016 21:47

My DS was only 4 weeks old when he stayed overnight with my parents, I didn't want to leave him, but I'd been so poorly, I literally had no energy to look after him and my DH had returned to work. Mam and dad took him overnight so I could get some sleep and recover. He's then gone on to stay with my parents for 3 nights a week since he was 18 months old and still does now he's 7. They feed him, bathe him and take him to school the following morning, just so I can get to work on time. It works for us, but may not work for someone else.

At the end of the day, yanbu to want your child to stay with one of their parents from such a young age, you do what you think is best for your baby, not what everyone else thinks is best for you baby x

badg3r · 20/10/2016 21:56

I am not completely sure that I buy the argument that you have to leave kids with other people from a young age or they will grow up to be clingy. I am sure there is some truth in it but a lot also just depends on the baby's character too. It isn't so black and white. For example, if I had a child that was already super clingy when I was around I would be less likely to want to leave them with someone else in the first place!

I also really don't understand this whole desperation to look after other people's babies, especially overnight. If people can help when you need it then great, but I have heard a lot of stories about and also have first hand experience of people trying to force parents to leave their babies when they are obviously not comfortable doing so. It seems to be either because the person genuinely thinks it is in the best interest of the baby (but it is not their position as a non-parent to muscle in with parenting decisions) or they are doing is for selfish reasons. Either of which is massively overstepping the mark.

I have not yet left DS overnight because I don't want to. He is nearly 2. But if other people do then good on them! I left DS for an hour or two from around 5 months with family. Each to their own and all that.

user1474781546 · 20/10/2016 21:59

I feel that the closer I nurture my children when they are young the more independent they will become as they grow.

Having early needs satisfied gives them wings to grow. A child can't be hardened or forced into having good self esteem or early independence.

user1471446433 · 20/10/2016 22:09

When my eldest was wee I worried so much that I 'should' leave her but couldn't bear to do it. What I discovered is when it feels ok it will be ok so waiting until it felt right has been my policy for my kids & that has been at different ages for each of them. my 18month old still hasn't been out of the building I am in - when it feels right DH will take them all out & I will have a bath in peace!!!

Bleedintired · 20/10/2016 22:14

Mine are 5 and 8 and I hate leaving them..😀

Motherfuckers · 20/10/2016 22:21

I would have been very happy to leave my 11 week old with people other than my husband for nights out etc. I would never have left my 7 month old every day though. But that is ok, we are all different.

BlueberrySky · 20/10/2016 22:26

I left DS with a friend when he was 10 days old so I could go to my work Christmas lunch. He was my first baby and I don't think I really knew what I was doing.

DD, who was born 4 years later, was not left till I went back to work when she was 5 months old.

Original poster
KayTee87 · 20/10/2016 22:26

Motherfuckers my son will be 9 & a half months old when I go back to work if that's what you mean and that's out of necessity...

OP posts:
guinnessgirl · 20/10/2016 22:38

Just the suggestion from a couple of posters that you are being PFB make me really cross. DS1 was left with grandparents overnight for the first time when he was 10mo. DS2 is now 16 months and still hasn't slept away from both me and DH yet. It just depends on how you feel with each child, they're all different and you know them and yourself best!

Stars2theside · 20/10/2016 22:41

Hell no! My daughter is 16 months and I'm still not happy with leaving her. I've been back at work since she was 14 months and her dad looks after her while I'm at work (we both do shift work)
She has been looked after by Granny (MIL) a handful of times, but only out of necessity. My mum has also only looked after her a handful of times. I just don't see the need for her to be without 1 of her parents. I'm sure at some point we should go and have a date night, but we still get quality time together once our daughter is in bed!

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