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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Leaving the baby

176 replies

KayTee87 · 20/10/2016 11:35

Aibu or am I being weird I suppose that I don't want to leave my 11 week old baby with anyone other than my husband yet?
I've had a few comments that make me think it's unusual that he's not been looked after by either of his Granny's yet. I don't feel the need for him to be with anyone except one of his parents and I will be back at work full time in 7 months so am enjoying my time with my son. Also I know I wouldn't enjoy being away from him. We visit grandparents with him so they get to see him maybe once a week anyway.

Can I ask when you left your baby to be looked after by someone other than its other parent?

OP posts:

Dontpanicpyke · 20/10/2016 12:58

Have a good time pumpkin

MrsMook · 20/10/2016 13:16

Both of mine were bottle refusers, and I became engorged and leaked easily, so before weaning began and the feeds began to reduce and space out I only spent short times away from them with DH looking after them. We don't have family nearby, so there weren't convenient opportunities to leave them anyway.

They went into nursery part time when they were 10 months. By that point they could manage without day feeds a few days a week.

I did overnights from about a year- that was with DH looking after them.

When DS1 was approaching 18m, he stayed with a friend overnight for the first time and he has several times since then (and with DS2). By that point I was TTC and wanted him to be comfortable about nights away before I had to worry about being ready for a sibling's birth.

Feeling prepared to leave a baby before weaning is quite different to when they get closer to a year.

Farfromtheusual · 20/10/2016 14:06

Nope you're not being weird.

DS is almost 7 weeks old and I definitely don't feel comfortable leaving him with anyone other than his dad, which I have only done once. He has severe reflux and can be a bit of a nightmare to feed especially at night which is one of the big reasons but aside from that I just don't want to. I will eventually but that will be when I want to and not when I'm expected to. Its not up to other people.

My Mom keeps making suggestions for me to leave him with her for a couple of hours etc so I can sleep and whilst I appreciate the offer, I had to tell her firmly that no I don't feel ready yet. I don't know why she thinks I'm so keen to hi. My palm him off. DP doesn't trust her with him anyway as she has a lot health problems, is unsteady on her feet and has a tendency to drop everything. Don't fancy my baby being one of those things.

MIL has made it clear she expects to be having him overnight soon too. Just because her other son left their daughter with her when she was very young, I think she expects the same from us. Even though we made it clear from the start we are nothing like them and this will not be the same, I think she thinks we will give in.

Stand firm on this one OP.. Your baby, your rules.

StrawberryQuik · 20/10/2016 14:18

Another one saying you are not being wierd. At that age I was only comfortable with my DM or DH looking after DS, and even then only for an hour or two (ebf)

He's 6m now and I'd be comfortable with more people looking after him and for a whole day (though still not over night) but I'm still breastfeeding and weaning is going slooowly so I think it'll be a while yet before I get a day off

Aki23 · 20/10/2016 14:26

As everyone else has been saying it is completely up to you. We left ds with my mum and dad for two days whilst we attended a wedding. Amazing to get two nights uninterrupted sleep and we exchanged a phonecall and a few emails with pictures so had no anxiety. This was at 7 weeks old but I have left ds with family and friends for an hour or so at a time and we are feeling the benefit of it. I enjoyed being occasionally baby free and could handle any crying fits with that break and ds is really content and will let anyone handle and feed him. Really helped when I went back to work FT when he was 8 weeks and he was left with dad :)

Don't let anyone lecture you as only you know your baby but I will say that socialisation is good from my (limited) experience as we have had no issues of separation anxiety from me or ds

HarleyQuinzel · 20/10/2016 14:31

I do think it's important to leave them with other people though, especially their dad. Not leaving your child's side until they are 5 won't do them any good, but you sound normal OP.

sianihedgehog · 20/10/2016 14:39

My boy was exclusively breastfed on demand and it was frankly not even POSSIBLE to leave him with someone until he was much older. I first left him when he was 6.5 months old and I returned to work. He's now 14 months and will spend his first night without me this week.

NickyEds · 20/10/2016 14:42

Not weird at all.

My ds was 4 months when he went to stay with my sister (at almost 3 she is still the only person I've ever left him and dd with!), me and dp went out and had a great time. I woke up at 3 am drenched in milk though so we got less sleep than normal. Dd was probably a bit older as she was more reluctant to take a bottle and harder to settle.

Aki23 · 20/10/2016 14:44

I should add that he was exclusively breastfed at first and then I expressed and gave him small amounts of formula later on so this enabled me to leave him at times

gillybeanz · 20/10/2016 14:45

Not at all, I didn't leave mine with anyone only their Dad.
I never felt the need and gps lived hundreds of miles away anyway.
Some people have no family to leave their children with, so it can't be a weird thing not to do iyswim.
Just ignore the comments and do what you feel is right for you.

Mishegoss · 20/10/2016 14:56

Nope, whatever you're comfortable with. Grannies and grandads and everyone else don't get a say, they're not the parents. My first was happy to be with his grandpa a lot and had sleepovers from about 13 months. My second is 15 months old and I've never been away from her longer than 3 hours, shes still breastfed and its her comfort so I dont stay away long. Theyre both happy with their dad of course unless dd is in need of a boob. They're different kids with different needs and personalities so we adjust. It's not up to anyone else.

Smartleatherbag · 20/10/2016 14:56

Even my ff first born didn't leave me till he was 3, when I went to hospital to have his (bf) wee brother , but I am weird

ladydolly · 20/10/2016 16:01

You leave them when it's right for you. I left DD (bf) with my mum for the first time when she was 5 months and I was gone for 3 hours and that felt fine but I didn't want any longer. She's now 2 and we've only left her with a grandparent or aunt maybe 5 times total and not overnight yet. But that's what suits us. Some couples need/want to spend time alone together more regularly and I get that, especially if you're young. But we're boring and would rather be watching a film at home anyway :)

user1474781546 · 20/10/2016 16:02

Mine were around 2 years old when they started having a few hours at granny's without me.

bruffin · 20/10/2016 16:09

I had to back to work when ds was 12 weeks, which was the norm maternity leave 21 years ago, so had to get a childminder. I went back to work when dd was 6 weeks but i worked from home and my dm had her when we I went into office for the day and ds was at nursery.

heatherwithapee · 20/10/2016 16:29

No not at all. Both my children were exclusively breastfed and i couldn't be arsed to express, so not hugely practical to be left. DC1 must've been about 6 months before I left her with my parents for an evening out with DH.

DC2 did get left with my mother for an half an hour here and there from pretty young, while I took DC1 to the park or something. But not for any length of time.

CarShare · 20/10/2016 16:35

My DD was 8.5 months old before we left her with my DSis for the evening. It's each to their own on this one I think.

Redkite10a · 20/10/2016 16:50

My son was ebf. I think he was about 10 weeks before his feeds spaced out enough I could leave him with DH. We left him in our house with GPs occasionally once he was about 8 months and weaned enough his feeds were far enough apart - GPs are at least 1.5 hours away so we've never left him at theirs as it isn't practical.

I went back to work when he was 12 months old, still bf. I left him for a half a day with a GM for the first time at 11.5 months, and then full days at nursery and with alternating GM's from 12 months. Not having left him for more than a few hours before then didn't make my return to work any harder.

At 21 months he's never been away from both DH and I overnight, although my MIL keeps hinting. If she or my DM lived closer, so that he could be properly familiar with their houses, I suspect he would have stayed over already. I'm expecting no 2 shortly and DM is coming here to look after him so he can still be somewhere familiar even if both DH and I are gone.

LePetitPont · 20/10/2016 16:53

Definitely. Not weird - go with what feels right to you, not the grannies. I first left my DS with my husband when he was 11/12 weeks for about 1.5 hours to go to the pub with visiting friends they practically had to drag me out the door and checked my phone every 5 mins. DH then had him for a few hours whilst I went to a bit of a work Christmas do. He was ebf and I didn't get to grips with expressing so couldn't be away too long. At 15 weeks, well-meaning DH arranged to leave him with PIL so we could have a couple of hours doing a sport we could enjoy. That was really tough. We didn't leave him again til 6 months for a wedding do and I've never left him overnight at 2 (still all about the boo !).

BeardMinge · 20/10/2016 18:28

I doubt I would've at 11 weeks. First time we left our pfb was nine months, an overnighter at my mum's so that dp and I could go to a wedding. Danced until 3am, it was great, but the hangover probably wasn't worth it.

Then an overnighter at one of dp's sister's when she was a year old, shortly to be repeated now she is 22 months. I've also left her for a few hours with my parents, and with a babysitter a few times, but it's expensive so we don't do that as often as we'd like. If we had family who lived closer, I expect I would have left her more often by now.

Having a lie in is lovely, and having some one on one time with my partner is lovely too. Always brilliant to be reunited with her.

BeardMinge · 20/10/2016 18:33

Oh, and I left her with her dad pretty early on, I think I had a night out at the theatre when she was about 9 weeks old, it was great. I don't really count leaving her with dp as leaving her though, what with him being her parent too (appreciate not easy if you are ebf and don't express).

LobsterQuadrille · 20/10/2016 18:34

I left DD at two weeks because I had to go to the office for a few hours - and went back to work when she was six weeks, so she was with a childminder from 8am to 6pm. Not in this country, and not what I would have chosen. Trust your instincts.

melibu84 · 20/10/2016 18:35

My DS was left with my sister at like 4 weeks old so we could go to the cinema. She is my twin sister, though, so we are extremely close. I probably wouldn't have left him with anyone else that young.

groovygreenwichgirl · 20/10/2016 18:35

I've got a 6 month old. I think my sister took him for a walk when he was a few days old and since then grandparents have taken him for a walk almost every week. I don't mind and love to have the chance to have a bath, clean the house etc, as long as they're not too far. He is still breast fed so can't be longer than 3 hours away from him anyway.

oblada · 20/10/2016 18:43

You're being perfectly reasonable! I bf my children so not sure even at 11 weeks I would have left them with their dad for more than an hour or so. Not with anyone else certainly until much later...

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