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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Birthday party clash

179 replies

belleville42 · 14/10/2016 20:23

AIBU to tell other mum that she's being totally ridiculous in asking my dd to choose which two best friend's parties to go to?
Background: Mum 1 has party 3pm-8pm. Mum 2 has party between 4pm-6pm. On the same day!
Asked Mum 1 if it was ok for me to drop dd off at 2.45pm and pick up at 3.45pm for her to go to other best friend's party, and then bring her back for 6.15pm for the final part of her chid's party.
Mum 1 wrote back and said dd has to 'choose' which party she goes to!
This is ridiculous!! Has she never 'party-hopped' to be present for good friends? I know I have. So, why should it be different for nine year olds?
Mum 1 is 'centre of the universe type'; Mum 2 is chilled, laid back and understands life (my good friend obvs!)
Concerned as I have to break the awful news to dd and it is going to be upsetting as both are her good mates. She wants to go to both.
So: Do I just turn up with dd at 2.45pm, take her off at 3.45pm for other party, and then bring her back at 6.15pm?

AIBU to just tell Mum 1 she is being ridiculous and needs to chill? And take on the onslaught from her, or just not pay no heed to her email and just do what is best for dd?
After all, Mum 1 can't refuse entry with an adorable dd standing in front of her - surely?
Why are people this way? Am I missing something? AIBU?

OP posts:
Redglitter · 14/10/2016 20:28

Regardless of what you think you asked Mum 1 if it was OK. She said no its not. You can't just go ahead and do it your way when she's said no. You might find when you go back there's no reply to the door.

SheldonsSpot · 14/10/2016 20:31

No child is going to go to mum 1's party and stay there the whole 5 hours.

Collect your DD from party 1 after a couple of hours, go to party 2 and don't take her back to party 1.

deathandtaxes123 · 14/10/2016 20:33

A five hour party?

Who the fuck can be arsed with that?

bumsexatthebingo · 14/10/2016 20:37

I'd have just gone for the first hour then left and gone to the 2nd party. I think leaving and coming back is a bit insulting. Like you had a better offer for a couple of hours. Very long party though - what are they going to do for all that time?

CookieLady · 14/10/2016 20:37

Who party hops? Confused It's rude IMHO.

SavoyCabbage · 14/10/2016 20:38

I don't think she's being totally ridiculous in expecting your dd to go to one party. She might be worried that it will change the dynamic of her dd's party if people are leaving after an hour. I would want to spoil a child's birthday party just so my child wasn't sad.

You've asked, she's said no so your dd will have to decide what to do. Perhaps she can have one of them round to your house on another day.

WitteryTwittery · 14/10/2016 20:38

Mum1 is being the most unreasonable of all, but yeah, YABU. You can't take your daughter to a party then bring her back to the same one all excited and talking about how much fun party 2 was, plus it's a pain for Mum1 if she's organising activities and food and your child is hopping in and out snd everything has to be planned around her to accommodate her. Just tell DD the two parties are at the same time and they clash, and she has to choose one.

Groovee · 14/10/2016 20:38

I think mum 1 has the right to say no if she doesn't want the party disrupted by you coming backwards and forwards.

RumAppleGinger · 14/10/2016 20:38

Why is party 1 five hours long? Are they doing an activity that requires that time length?

I think it is quiet rude to leave a party to go to another and then once that one has finished return to the first.

You say your daughter will be gutted that she has to choose but I would guess that party girl 1 will probably be upset that her friend is leaving her party to go to someone else's. I think you probably should just pick one to go to.

BusStopBetty · 14/10/2016 20:40

Five hours? Is she mad?

I think it's fine to leave slightly early, but not four hours early.

Ragwort · 14/10/2016 20:46

YABtotallyU - you can't 'pick and choose' the best bits of a party to attend - you need to choose ONE party and politely decline the other one.

I can't believe that you are considering letting your DD go to both parties, that is rude, grabby and ungracious.

Why are people this way? Am I missing something? - Yes, you are missing basic good manners.

wigglesrock · 14/10/2016 20:49

Yup YABU to go back to the first party after you've had the full time at the second. Mum 1 doesn't need to chill - you need to accept one invite and stick to it, not party hop to get the best of both.

witsender · 14/10/2016 20:52

5 hours is bonkers, what is the activity?

That said, party hopping is rude. What if 3/4 of girl 1's guests do the same? I would go to party 1 for 2 hours, leave and do the last hour of party 2.

Or do party 2 and then party 1...none of this backwards and forwards shite.

Who arranged the party first?

ScarletOverkill · 14/10/2016 20:52

YABVU
HTH

DonaldStott · 14/10/2016 20:53

5 hrs!!!!!!! 5 bloody hours!!!!!!!!

Jinglebellsandv0dka · 14/10/2016 20:54

YABU you've had your answer. Adorable dd or not...

MoonHare · 14/10/2016 20:57

Yabu.

Think how the first girl will feel if friends leave after an hour then have the cheek to want to come back again.

Which invitation did you accept first? Go to that party for the full duration. This is about feelings of birthday children not your Dd.

HateSummer · 14/10/2016 21:02

5 hour party? Wtf. I'd just skip the 5 hour one and go with the easy 2 hour one. I've taken dd late to some parties when they've clashed but only by 30 mins. If you miss more than 30 mins then you shouldn't go imo.

Nocabbageinmyeye · 14/10/2016 21:04

I think party hopping is very rude so yabu, explain your dd wants to make both by all means and collect from one and go to the other but don't go back or else do indeed make your daughter choose, but do not rock up anyway even after the mother said it was no ok

shouldwestayorshouldwego · 14/10/2016 21:06

5hrs isn't so much if they are older, 10 or 11 they can happily fill that sort of time with a play, bit of craft, dvd, food etc. If they are 7 or under then the parent is crazy. I do think that it is rude to party hop. Either go with the one that you have already accepted of if you haven't accepted either the she will have to choose.

Bestthingever · 14/10/2016 21:09

Why is party hopping rude? I've had parties where people have been invited to something else on the same night but come for a while to mine. I'm happy they can make it for a while. I would not have a problem if someone did this in my dc's birthday party.

RedSoloCup · 14/10/2016 21:10

9 year olds party hopping?

Seriously?

Just choose one party!

Nurszilla · 14/10/2016 21:12

Are the parties for children in the same class or social circle? Could the 1st party mum be worried for her DD suddenly having the majority of her party leaving within an hour to go somewhere else?

I would be gutted for my DD if something like that happened to her.

SantasLittleMonkeyButler · 14/10/2016 21:12

5 hours for 9 year olds isn't all that unusual. Maybe cinema & bowling or cinema & then back to the house for food & play.

I'm sorry OP, but leaving 1 hour in to go & do something else is really rude. There's no way to make that socially acceptable. If both parties were, say, 3-5pm and you left half way through one to catch the end of the other then maybe that would be OK. But not doing it the way you propose. Would your DD even feel involved in party 1 when she went back? She'd have missed the main activity surely?

BaronessEllaSaturday · 14/10/2016 21:16

Had you already accepted the invite to party 1 when you got the second invite?

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