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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Birthday party clash

179 replies

belleville42 · 14/10/2016 20:23

AIBU to tell other mum that she's being totally ridiculous in asking my dd to choose which two best friend's parties to go to?
Background: Mum 1 has party 3pm-8pm. Mum 2 has party between 4pm-6pm. On the same day!
Asked Mum 1 if it was ok for me to drop dd off at 2.45pm and pick up at 3.45pm for her to go to other best friend's party, and then bring her back for 6.15pm for the final part of her chid's party.
Mum 1 wrote back and said dd has to 'choose' which party she goes to!
This is ridiculous!! Has she never 'party-hopped' to be present for good friends? I know I have. So, why should it be different for nine year olds?
Mum 1 is 'centre of the universe type'; Mum 2 is chilled, laid back and understands life (my good friend obvs!)
Concerned as I have to break the awful news to dd and it is going to be upsetting as both are her good mates. She wants to go to both.
So: Do I just turn up with dd at 2.45pm, take her off at 3.45pm for other party, and then bring her back at 6.15pm?

AIBU to just tell Mum 1 she is being ridiculous and needs to chill? And take on the onslaught from her, or just not pay no heed to her email and just do what is best for dd?
After all, Mum 1 can't refuse entry with an adorable dd standing in front of her - surely?
Why are people this way? Am I missing something? AIBU?

OP posts:
Original poster
belleville42 · 15/10/2016 16:27

Just for the record - although assuming that this won't even matter to certain posters as being mean seems to be MO rather than reading what I have written during this thread.......

I am NOT the one having a five hour party.
Party 1 (long one) is play in garden (in bedroom if rainy) till cake and movie; Party 2 (short one) is organised event at hired venue.

dd is best friends with both party girls. They are in different circles.

I sounded out to find a solution - and I found one yesterday from actual friends and this chimed with thoughtful mumsnetters - which is to take dd to first party and then arrive later for second one.

Party girl 1 actually asked my dd to come early so that they got some more play. Hence my feeling that Mum 1 was being ridiculous.

Both invites came within a day of each other some weeks ago.

Oh, and btw, wasn't off with 'adorable' dd - was actually at work and just picked up all these awful 'mob-mentality' posts, many with purely fabricated elements!

Definitely not coming back to this forum - too many posters packing stones to hurl for the flimsiest slight.

OP posts:
Original poster
belleville42 · 15/10/2016 16:33

Oh, and btw VanillaSugarandChristmasSpice - I DID NOT say that I was going to do it anyway. Read the threads!

OP posts:
LyndaLaHughes · 15/10/2016 16:37

Belleville which one is the school friend? If you have to chose one then I'd go for that just because your DD will feel very left out at school when they are all discussing it.

VanillaSugarandChristmasSpice · 15/10/2016 16:38

I did and you did.

VanillaSugarandChristmasSpice · 15/10/2016 16:39

Because, if you'd heeded Mum1's email response, why are you even posting this thread?

sandragreen · 15/10/2016 16:59

So, even though the mum of party 1 has specifically asked you not to split DD between the two parties, and to attend fully or not attend, you are still going to totally ignore her?

Stay classy OP.

BackforGood · 15/10/2016 17:16

Oh, and btw VanillaSugarandChristmasSpice - I DID NOT say that I was going to do it anyway. Read the threads!

er - what are you talking about, OP ? This was in your OP:

^AIBU to just tell Mum 1 she is being ridiculous and needs to chill? And take on the onslaught from her, or just not pay no heed to her email and just do what is best for dd?
After all, Mum 1 can't refuse entry with an adorable dd standing in front of her - surely?^

LyndaNotLinda · 15/10/2016 17:38

Newbie AIBU no I'm bloody not, you're all meanies and I'm leaving, all in one thread.

Bye then!

elodie2000 · 15/10/2016 21:04

Oh dear OP. You need to reread your own posts!

bloodymaria · 15/10/2016 21:22

Flounce!

chazf09 · 15/10/2016 21:55

Don't let the minority put u of. I rarely post due to the way some people on here gang up. No doubt ill get a back lash due to saying that but meh! I don't think there is anything wrong with splitting parties. I personally would rather someone turn up even for a short period rather than not at all. Please try to ignore the nasty comments. Hope u r ok xx

MyWineTime · 15/10/2016 22:39

It's fairly irrelevant that you think it's ok to do this chaz, the party mum has said no. And plenty of people here have said that they would find it incredibly rude.

chazf09 · 15/10/2016 23:02

It is not irrelevant if I am giving how I personally would feel! The mum has not got a specific activity its a party in the garden/house then a movie she's being unreasonable. Parties clash and I don't see why she should choose when its not a specific activity in which you HAVE to stay for the whole party ie go karting, cinema.

deadringer · 16/10/2016 00:51

I didn't think people as rude as the op existed in real life. Seems she's not alone though.

KoalaDownUnder · 16/10/2016 00:54

The mum has not got a specific activity its a party in the garden/house then a movie she's being unreasonable. Parties clash and I don't see why she should choose

OMFG.

It doesn't matter what the mum has planned

KoalaDownUnder · 16/10/2016 00:55

She is the host! That is why your child doesn't 'get to choose'. It's not her bloody event.

How rude and ignorant can you actually get?!

bumsexatthebingo · 16/10/2016 10:19

So you would still dip in and out of a party when you have been specifically asked not to? You would turn up when you have told you're no longer welcome because you don't agree with the decision?

VanillaSugarandChristmasSpice · 16/10/2016 10:21

This thread is a blinder shamelessly place marking again

chazf09 · 16/10/2016 11:42

I would not go back to party but I would at least turn up.

CruCru · 16/10/2016 11:54

This is an interesting thread. I think the reason the OP has responded the way she has is that she has had such robust replies.

I'm not keen on the party hopping - partly because I think it is a bit rude and partly because having to schlep a child from one party to another and then back again sounds really hard work. Having said that, I think there are areas where it's accepted that kids will do this.

I have had someone do this as an adult and it was vaguely irritating - partly because she turned up before my party was due to start (and therefore was a bit in the way) and partly because it was a bit disruptive.

Realistically, if the mum having the long party isn't cool with it, you won't be able to do as you've suggested. Pick the 4 to 6pm party and let the first mum know right away.

zad716 · 16/10/2016 12:08

Pick the 4 to 6pm party and let the first mum know right away

Surely its the DD's choice which party she attends if she can only do one? I wonder though if she doesn't want to miss the longer (school) party if all of her classmates will be talking about it the following week.

BestMammyEver · 16/10/2016 13:04

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

LyndaNotLinda · 16/10/2016 13:09

But the mother who is hosting the party doesn't want the DD to turn up at half the parties BestMammyEver.

Jesus wept - the dimness and lack of social skills of new posters on here is really becoming beyond a joke.

SavoyCabbage · 16/10/2016 13:28

"Do whatever makes your dd happy" is not good advice.

MyWineTime · 16/10/2016 13:31

I don't find it rude at all
But you are not hosting. The party host DOES mind!
Why does that not seem to bother some people?

"I'd rather you didn't do that."
"Oh well I don't mind so I'll do it anyway."

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