To not pay for DD's swimming lessons?

[GoingToTheZoo123]

DD is 18, she is still at college, but has a part-time job. She has about £3,500 in the bank, so she isn't short of money.

She can't swim - I had her in swimming lessons, before anyone has a go at me! from about 4-7 but she just never got it, was always scared of the water, etc.

She is now very eager to give it a go again - our local leisure centre has adult classes, so that's nice. However, she asked if we could go half and half. I said no and that she is old enough to pay for herself! She's an adult now, who has money.

AIBU?

Yanbu. Why does she think you should go halves?

"Because they're expensive"

I'm glad I'm not being unreasonable!

Swimming is a life skill every parent should ensure their child has. Why didn't you try when she was 8 or 9? Or save up/cut back and do 10 1:1 lessons to get her past the tricky bit? I would pay for her or at least go halves regardless of how much she has in the bank. She's only 18, not 24!

Personally, I would pay for the whole thing. I think it's a parent's responsibility to make sure their child learns how to swim. If you tried lessons from age 4-7 and she didn't learn because she "never got it" and/or "was scared of the water," then you should have switched teachers or methods until she did learn. Just like it's your responsibility to make sure your child learns how to read and write, I believe that swimming is a essential skill that all children should have and that all parents should make sure they have. It's fantastic that your dd has recognized that she needs this skill and I think you should pay for the whole thing.

Erm, because at 8/9 she refused to even get in the car to go to the pool... Why on earth would I sign her up to something she will refuse to go to? I'm not going to physically force her into the car and then lock the doors, etc. where would that have got us? She didn't want to do it, she would have massive crying fits if I ever suggested she had to go swimming on a certain day. She didn't like water.

Oh, I see how this thread is going to go. It's going to be my fault.

You can't force a kid to swim, it's not your fault if you tried as much as possible. Personally I'd pay half just to make sure she learns, presumably you saved in the past by her refusing to go.

You didn't say in your op that she didn't want to swim!

Why not give her the cash you would have spent then? She's still young.

She does say that in the OP optimist, 2nd paragraph.

I thought swimming lessons were part of the curriculum. At least they were when I was a child (though admittedly that was a long time ago!) So OP wouldn't necessarily have saved money

I would contribute

Regardless of the rights and wrongs, it's important that she learns to swim, and to seize her current enthusiasm for overcoming her fear/ nervousness

It would be a real shame if she didn't go due to the cost

Non swimmers do drown on the beach etc, and I do think it is a skill all children should acquire. Obviously you haven't been able to do this before, now is your chance

Question is, can you afford to help OP?

No, don't pay. She will be more motivated to stick at it if it's her own money being used for the lessons!

I'd pay, simply because I value my children being able to swim as it could save their life one day over the principle of whether or not they should or should not pay for themselves.

But then, two adult family members of mine drowned on a beach after straying into a rip by accident and couldn't get themselves out of it before it was too late as they were swept out of their depth. So, I am probably biased here.

Oh, I see how this thread is going to go. It's going to be my fault.

Don't get annoyed because not everyone's agreeing with you!!

How much are the lessons?

If you can afford it I'd go halves as she suggested. It sounds like swimming was quite traumatic for her before which may have been due to a confidence issue as she couldn't do it. It's great that she's finally decided to give it another try and it's quite brave of her really. I think going halves shows her you care and this might help her commitment this time.

This thread caught my attention because there are loads of life skills that as children we have the opportunity to learn but sometimes just don't.

For example maths. I fucked around in lessons at school because I hated maths and ended up with a C, in GCSE. Which ok isn't terrible but I realised when I was applying for jobs, I was missing out on some of the higher paid accounting ones because of it. I hated being borderline qualified and pipped by another candidate because they were deemed a "safer bet".

So I got myself a tutor and retook GCSE maths and managed to get an A. And immediately my CV improved and I was much more in demand.

But I didn't for a moment even think to ask my parents for help because I was an adult!

Depends on if you can afford to but i would as she is only 18 and its a skill thats important. Impressed your dd is decided to give it another go. For that reason alone id encorage her by paying for lessons.

Well it depends if you can easily afford to or not.

Why not suggest she pays for the first term and if she sticks in with it and is making an effort you'll give her the next term for her Christmas?

If she is still in ft education, I think you should pay if at all possible.

Part of growing up is using your own money for fun things. Swimming is great, but it's not something you need to thrive as an adult. At this point it's a sport or a fitness activity. If this were for something she needed like books or class materials, that'd be different.

My husband doesn't know how to swim, he was still able to do some basic snorkeling with me on vacation by laying on his stomach face down in the water.

If it's really important to her, she'll pay for it on her own. She has the money to. Time to prioritize what she thinks is really important to her at the moment.

YANBU and I'm at PPs' suggesting that you are. It would never have even crossed my mind to ask my parents to pay for anything at all at 18, let alone swimming lessons!

It depends if you can afford it. It depends what her savings are for. It depends if she's likely to not bother if you don't pay.

If you can afford it, you could offer to give a lump sum if she completes the course.

If I could afford it I would go halves .
Because I am a softy and would be so pleased that she is now wanting to learn that I would want to support her in it.

I understand not wanting to pay. DC3 has no interest in learning to swim and it frustrates and terrifies me in equal measure. At 18 I would still pay if only to ease my own mind about their safety near water. Could it be a Christmas present?