To not pay for DD's swimming lessons?

[GoingToTheZoo123]

DD is 18, she is still at college, but has a part-time job. She has about £3,500 in the bank, so she isn't short of money.

She can't swim - I had her in swimming lessons, before anyone has a go at me! from about 4-7 but she just never got it, was always scared of the water, etc.

She is now very eager to give it a go again - our local leisure centre has adult classes, so that's nice. However, she asked if we could go half and half. I said no and that she is old enough to pay for herself! She's an adult now, who has money.

AIBU?

On another thread the majority of posters are indignant that an 18 yo wouldn't pay their parents rent and yet on this one parents should pay for swimming lessons

Was that 18 year old working FT? This 18 year old is at college and not earning very little.

Also this 18 year old has asked her parents to go halves with her. Not pay for them outright.

Not earning very much.

Not little.

Doh.

Not teaching your child to swim is like not vaccinating them.

You don't have to go in the water, whereas you can hardly avoid being around people.
Hardly the same thing.

And I'm on the side of the OP repaying her dd's lessons.

If I were you I'd pay the full amount, as a parent, it's your responsibility to ensure that she can swim.

Graceflorrick
At 18?

Seriously, people need to be less dogmatic about swimming.

I would pay at least half. I would like to reward my DC for having a savings mentality rather than penalise her.

I intend to financially support my kids for most of my life. I expect I'll even help out when they have kids of their own. Maybe I'll pay for my grandkids lessons. Not sure why everything stops at 18. She sounds like a sensible kid. I'd be doing everything I could to back her up.

She needs to pay. If you pay she will be more likely to not respect the lessons and just not bother turning up if she doesn't fancy it. if she has to earn and pay for it herself then you will defo see better results in her attitude. I'm wondering though do you pay for other stuff - nights out, shopping trips, meals in restaurants? Some of it I get but she needs to start being independent.

She is 18 years old fgs she can well afford her own bloody lessons my Dds cant swim that well yes they had the obligatory lessons as children I did my bit yanbu op

Has the OP flounced?

She is still at college. I would pay half. In fact, I would probably pay it all.

I haven't read the whole thread so apologies if this has been said but why koto get swimming lessons for her birthday or Christmas?

koto?? Should be not

But if they don't learn when we offer it they have to do it once they are older and then they pay. So don't pay.

I think that's the key here, isn't it? It's not like the OP just didn't bother to teach her child to swim.
In her own words, she took her to lessons, but she screamed, refused to get out of the car etc.
What was she supposed to do? Drag her in screaming and kicking?!
Her dd refused to learn, after having ample opportunity.
It's not like it wasn't there being offered.
I think it's really important to teach your child to swim as well, and mine have done 4 years of weekly lessons. Which will have added up to loads over the years!
When they get to 18 though, they can pay themselves if they refused it when they had the chance.
She's a young adult. With savings at that! Not skint with no money. Who's to say she won't take it seriously and will dick about again if you pay for them for her? Her track record is hardly great. Far more likely to take it seriously if it's her own money paying for it!

YANBU, if she has managed to save up £3K, she can pay for her own swimming lessons.

If she doesn't like the idea, say you'll go to the pool with her and get her confidence up a bit. She's a grown adult now, and needs to stand on her own two feet.

She's a young adult. With savings at that!

She's a student with a limited income. As others have said, why penalise her for saving rather than pissing the money away on a Friday night?

She asked for half, not all of the cost which shows she bears some responsibility

I see now that the OP joined to post this though.

Given you haven't said you can't afford it, I'm going to assume you can. You just don't want to.

I'd rather her 3.5k was saved for something bigger, like deposit or car and insurance. I'd recognise that she had overcome a major fear and be glad about that and want to support it. I'd see that I'd actually saved a lot of money by her not having so many lessons when she was younger. I'd also think that her being 18 didn't absolve me from being a parent and I'd be happy to help and recognise that she wasn't asking me to pay but was willing to pay half. If she had a full time job it would be different but she doesn't.

I hate this mentality that as soon as a child is 18, they are an adult and being a parent ceases except in name only. MIL had this attitude as did my DGD who brought me up. I moved out as soon as I was able as it was expected that as an adult, I shouldn't really be there anymore. I will fully support my children if I am able whether they are 8 or 18.

Oh really soup. That's annoying. Although could be name changer.

Fed up of it lately. Loads of new joiners posting stuff and fucking off. What's the bloody point.

So it is a given that it is an essential life skill that she needs. However, you tried when she was younger and she point blank refused. Now she is an adult and has the money to fund her own lessons.

Clearly she is not a natural water baby and is unlikely to discover that she is right now, yet she still needs to learn to swim. However, despite her acknowledging this it is possible she might hate it and give up.

The way I see it is which of the three options (i.e. her paying it all, your paying half or you gifting half) is the most likely to motivate her enough to keep going.

So, if she pays for it she wastes her own money but she only has herself to look towards for censure. If you contribute and she jacks it in then she needs to explain that to you.

If it were me I'd say that I would contribute half but that she has to stick with it and do the entire course and that you would expect her to be able to demonstrate some level of competency at the end of it. I'd make that a condition if I just gave her the money for the sake of it or if I gave it to her at Xmas. I'd be very pissed off it I gave her the cash and she gave up.

Another option is to say that you will reimburse her half the cost of the course once she can demonstrate to you that she can swim.

Clearly she is not a natural water baby and is unlikely to discover that she is right now,

that's rubbish. Plenty of people come to swimming later in life and love it!

and another one...

Swimming is a useful thing to be able to do but it's not an essential life skill. Non swimmers tend not to drown because they stay away from water or only paddle in it when there are lots of people around.

The people who drown tend to be those who can swim but who underestimate the dangers of open water or who are forced into a rescue situation against their better judgement.

I'd probably pay for her lessons if she really wanted to do it, just like I might pay for any other present for someone I loved if I could afford it. I don't care if the OP has joined up simply to pose this debate because I am endlessly fascinated by people's assessment of risk.

Imagine if all adults did this for other things?
My parents paid for 10 driving lessons for me for my 17th birthday, I didn't pay for any more and never even came close to taking my test. Now at 35 I want to learn should I ask my Mum and Dad to fund it?

To the people saying she should be rewarded for saving, surely the reward is having the money to pay for expensive things you want to buy. Like swimming lessons.