To not pay for DD's swimming lessons?

[GoingToTheZoo123]

DD is 18, she is still at college, but has a part-time job. She has about £3,500 in the bank, so she isn't short of money.

She can't swim - I had her in swimming lessons, before anyone has a go at me! from about 4-7 but she just never got it, was always scared of the water, etc.

She is now very eager to give it a go again - our local leisure centre has adult classes, so that's nice. However, she asked if we could go half and half. I said no and that she is old enough to pay for herself! She's an adult now, who has money.

AIBU?

I think I would do as a PP has suggested - offer to reimburse half after the fact, providing she has stuck to it this time.

If I could afford it I probably would pay something towards it, but I don't blame you for not wanting to. I think it possibly also depends on whether you've paid for driving, if you've paid thousands for driving lessons etc I'd be less inclined to pay for this I'm bitter because I paid for everything aged 16+

Of course I would pay.

I'd be very proud of her overcoming such a debilitating fear.

It will benefit her, it is excercise and swimming will open up other sports to her.
nocamping
Mine had swimming lessons from 6 months to when they past thei bronze medallion. When they were 16 we paid for lifeguarding qualification. They loved their lessons and missed them when they stopped.

I wouldn't pay when there is £3500 inher bank account. Cheeky madam. How expensive is it?

Christmas present idea was a good suggestion though.

I'd probably be so happy that she wanted to learn that I'd pay for them.
It's not your fault she wouldn't go before, but I'd be happy to support her now.
3,5k is not a lot when she's in college, even with a part time job.
Swimming is an important skill, it's not like she's asking you to pay for nights out.

Having said that, if it came out of her pocket, she might feel more driven to go and to learn.

How about you tell her she pays, but if she does learn, then you'll refund her?

I think going halves is actually very reasonable.

She only has a part time job, so not much income coming in. Her paying for half the lesson will mean she is invested too.

Presumably you are still receiving child benefit for her, since she is in college.

I would probably pay for half or even all of the lessons if I could afford it. Partly for my own peace of mind. I think that being able to swim is as important as being able to cross the road in terms of safety. Not as frequently needed but certainly vital. At her age I would reimburse her afterwards, though.

I don't think that you did anything wrong in not forcing lessons onto her at a younger age.

"Excuse me, so if you "children" are in their 40s, reckless with money, spending it all having a good time, dont pay the rent/mortgage, its OUR responsibility because they are our children and we want to be KIND!!!!!!"

If my adult children were behaving like that, it wouldn't be "kind" to fund them. In fact, it would be kinder not to bail them out, so that they are put in a position where they need to get some help.

There is no comparison whatsoever with a young person who is on a low income and wants to put right the fact that she's missed out on an important skill.

I think you should go halves IF you can afford it, that it. As others have said, swimming is a life skill and it really should be something parents ensure happens.

My mother paid for my driving lessons at 18. Do people really not pay for anything for their kids once they turn 18?

Your dd is not working FT, she has a part-time job while she is at college. She's not a 25 year old graduate with a job paying £30k a year.

You could possibly pay a contribution as a Christmas present.

I wouldn't pay when there is £3500 inher bank account. Cheeky madam

I disagree. That money should be kept for uni or for a deposit for a house.

i'd pay the whole lot as I can afford it and I like to help my kids with anything thats a life skill or useful for education or work. i'd be really pleased she had overcome her fear of water, through no help from me as well!!

I would pay, she's only 18. I would assume that she is saving the 3500 for university or a flat deposit at some point. She should really have done this as a child, although I get that she hated it. Now as a parent Id want to encourage her just as much as when she was 7 it's harder learning to swim as an adult.

I'd go halves. It's impressive she wants to learn now and I'd be proud of her for being a saver.

As a mum to someone who was a very reluctant learner I know how galling it is that she is up for it now after all this time.
I'd pay half but totally get it why you don't want to.

There are many 18 year olds that blow money on a gap year or enjoying the more social side of life. There are many 18 year olds that can't be bothered to do very much at all and drive their parents nuts by lying in bed all day. Your DD sounds like a hard working motivated young lady. She wants to conquer her fear of water and learn something new. She is also a saver which is to be applauded.

I think you need to put aside what happened when she was very young and be proud and supportive of her desire to better herself.

Gotta love mumsnet with the they're 18, an adult & on their own for some things then conversely they're only 18 and it's your responsibility to pay for swimming lessons.

Fwiw I don't think OP should be paying for lessons. At 18 I don't necessarily agree the daughter will me mature enough to be considered grown up/adult but there comes a point when we have to stop enabling childish behaviours and a reliance on parents for what is essentially a hobby (albeit an instructive and valuable one). She's got more in the bank than me by quite a lot of course she can pay for herself.

ok i meant no child likes swimming LESSONS.
maybe a few do, but not many. even those who like swimming with friends really don't want to get undressed and into a cold pool to hold onto the side for half of it doing drills whilst they are learning. especially after a day at school.
well that's my experience anyway. i was thrilled when my dds reached the squad - i said they had to see out all the levels. (dh and i are crap swimmers, i wanted to make sure they could swim very very well before they stopped lessons).

As a mum to someone who was a very reluctant learner I know how galling it is that she is up for it now after all this time.

Galling?
I'd just be happy.

I wouldn't pay OP, she's an adult.

great that she's saving. i would personally go halves, although i like lewlji's suggestion of refunding her when she completes the course / can swim.

i wouldn't blame you for not forcing a child to do something they don't want to do. she'll learn in no time now she actually wants to.

I would pay if you can afford to.

Good on her as well. I am 31 and can't swim despite lessons when younger. I wish I had had the confidence to have lessons at your daughter's age, instead of still being unable to swim with my own children now.

I think you should either pay or go halves. Shes only 18. Its not like shes middle aged with her own family etc. I think you had a duty to get her swimming somehow, and shes still a teenager

I would go halves, definitely. A nice thing to do for your daughter. I think it takes some character as an adult to learn something a lot of people did as children.