Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

About ever-rising hen weekend costs?

169 replies

myshinynewusername · 19/09/2016 22:09

I am going on a hen weekend next year. Its a weekend in a very swish house, which all the hens will be sharing. Its not cheap at all, especially when you factor in the cost of meals/drinks/nights out.

However, its now escalating more and more. They seem to have a new idea almost every week. They are getting beauticians to the house for pre-night-out treatments, they are having themed outfits everyday (which I will need to buy), and they want to go to a particular (expensive) restaurant one night. Now they are saying that they want to hire a naked chef/butler to come and cook for us one night.

Its all too much for me. There is also the cost of attending the wedding and the other hen event (a week abroad) to factor in. The other hens are getting very shirty with me for saying that its all becoming too expensive. They don't want to pay for 'my share' of what is already booked, but I am constantly being outvoted on new stuff that is being booked.

I adore the bride and this is all incredibly out of character for her (although a couple of things are 'surprises' for her). She is usually ultra considerate, the last one to do anything to upset others. I wonder whether the sister and other friends are driving it more than her. They are all very excited about it all, but I'm dreading it now.

Surely I'm not being unreasonable here?! I did agree at first, but not to all these extras that are being added on. The bride is a big part of my life and would be even if I fell out with her (long story), and I desperately don't want to fall out with her.

OP posts:
Magstermay · 19/09/2016 22:11

A hen weekend and a hen week?!?! Shock

HarryPottersMagicWand · 19/09/2016 22:14

Surely the fact you cannot afford these ridiculous costs shouldn't mean falling out with someone? I didn't go to my own sisters hen weekend and it was never an issue.

YANBU. This sounds so ott. I'd say you have to reconsider the whole thing as you just cannot afford it and wish them a nice time.

Lovefromhull · 19/09/2016 22:16

Way too much! Crikey. I wouldn't manage all that. Who are these people with endless cash?
Others in the group will probably be thinking the same thing. Say now that its out of hand.

ENormaSnob · 19/09/2016 22:19

Back out now.

It will only get worse.

HanYOLO · 19/09/2016 22:22

that 's 2 hen dos
pick one
don't do the other
with the one you are going to, be clear to the organisers what your budget is
talk to your friend. she might be horrified. I would be

Original poster
myshinynewusername · 19/09/2016 22:27

Thanks for the reassurance! Every single time I voice any kind of concern/objection, they act as if I am being totally unreasonable as I agreed to this hen do, and it is all to make it special for bride (who is lovely).

OP posts:
Bananalanacake · 19/09/2016 22:32

Jealous, I never get invited to these things.
But expecting you to take a weeks leave is abit much.

ToastDemon · 19/09/2016 22:37

It all sounds absolutely hideous, totally OTT and a complete waste of money.

dalmatianmad · 19/09/2016 22:41

Sounds like your friend has turned into a proper bridezilla, I would be tempted to pull out of the house thing, who has 2 big hen do's ffs!!
It sounds completely OTT and it will probably get worse as they come up with more daft ideas.
A few days abroad however! I would much rather do that Grin

MoonStar07 · 19/09/2016 22:42

Can't stand hen dos. Turned down 4 this year and went to one. Still went to all the weddings. Brides were not shitty one bit. Just couldn't afford all the crap! Ultimately always a fall out at these dos as well! Two were abroad so glad I didn't go!

MoonStar07 · 19/09/2016 22:43

PS just speak To the bride

dowhatnow · 19/09/2016 22:45

Just say that you can't afford it so any decisions they take must be on the basis that you won't be contributing. End of

Or back out if you can.

LagunaBubbles · 19/09/2016 22:47

Complete madness.

Rarotonga · 19/09/2016 22:47

YANBU at all. It sounds excessive.

LagunaBubbles · 19/09/2016 22:47

And yes calmly state what you agreed to and now the plans have changed you can't afford it.

wayway13 · 19/09/2016 22:48

YANBU. Pull out. Why have a hen week AND a hen weekend?? What happened to hen NIGHTS? That is a ridiculous amount of money. Say you can't afford it and put your foot down.

annandale · 19/09/2016 22:51

Bloody hell, this is insane. Two hen events? What on earth?

I think you may have to formally pull out of the whole thing - be honest and say you're just not in this financialbracket. It's daft and will leave a residue of ill feeling. Let's hope it collapses to a pub crawl and a singsong. To think I used to think that hiring a stretch limo was OTT, at least that's relatively fun and practical.

ThornyBird · 19/09/2016 22:52

Definitely pull out now. I've just returned from a hen weekend which I have thoroughly enjoyed but really couldn't afford.

Unfortunately I left it too late to get out of it and would have lost a lot of money anyway once I realised where it was heading.

ThisIsStartingToBoreMe · 19/09/2016 22:54

Yeah just go to one of them!

MiddleClassProblem · 19/09/2016 22:55

Normally a bride has nothing or little to do with planning a hen weekend.

I'd just tell them you can't afford it and say the same to the bride.

MiddleClassProblem · 19/09/2016 22:55

If you don't have the money, you don't have the money

Original poster
myshinynewusername · 19/09/2016 22:56

That's the thing, its already costing a fortune, even if I pull out now. :(

I suppose I will have to try the suggestion to say that I won't be contributing to any more bookings, but frankly its going to go down about as well a fart in a spacesuit.

OP posts:
Queenbean · 19/09/2016 22:56

I HATE hen parties. Forced fun with a load of people you don't know that well? Comparing bj stories with the bride's aunt or some school friend of hers you'll never meet again? No way.

I decline all hen parties now and my friends know my views on them so are never offended if I don't go

Lorelei76 · 19/09/2016 22:59

YANBU
what have you paid already? If you've paid out £200 and estimate spending another £400 for example, pull out now
And you cannot be "outvoted" re cost of extras
Either you're all happy with it or not, it's not fair for you to fork out for stuff you said no to
What does the bride thing? If she knows about this she is taking the mick.

Teddy1970 · 19/09/2016 23:03

That is just ridiculous OP, it's getting way out of hand, I'm not surprised you're a bit miffed with all that bullshit. I went to a lovely hen do a few years ago, it was a day out at Royal Ascot (ladies day) and then a restaurant in the evening, there was only 8 of us, it was quite low key but perfect, sometimes less is more. I on the other hand didn't have one because I find them really naff usually! I think I would have to pull out of this particular pantomime OP, I'm sure you can't be the only hen who feels like this?