About ever-rising hen weekend costs?

[myshinynewusername]

I am going on a hen weekend next year. Its a weekend in a very swish house, which all the hens will be sharing. Its not cheap at all, especially when you factor in the cost of meals/drinks/nights out.

However, its now escalating more and more. They seem to have a new idea almost every week. They are getting beauticians to the house for pre-night-out treatments, they are having themed outfits everyday (which I will need to buy), and they want to go to a particular (expensive) restaurant one night. Now they are saying that they want to hire a naked chef/butler to come and cook for us one night.

Its all too much for me. There is also the cost of attending the wedding and the other hen event (a week abroad) to factor in. The other hens are getting very shirty with me for saying that its all becoming too expensive. They don't want to pay for 'my share' of what is already booked, but I am constantly being outvoted on new stuff that is being booked.

I adore the bride and this is all incredibly out of character for her (although a couple of things are 'surprises' for her). She is usually ultra considerate, the last one to do anything to upset others. I wonder whether the sister and other friends are driving it more than her. They are all very excited about it all, but I'm dreading it now.

Surely I'm not being unreasonable here?! I did agree at first, but not to all these extras that are being added on. The bride is a big part of my life and would be even if I fell out with her (long story), and I desperately don't want to fall out with her.

Op others might think the same as yourself. Its not the cost, if that was agreed upfront, then you could have said yay, or nay, but the constant drip of new activities being sprung upon you that cost a packet, and you are expected to suck it up like you own The Royal Mint .

How did it go this morning with the bride op?

Sorry, I have had a very hectic day. I spoke to bride this morning though, and its all ok. I'm not going anymore.

She was really understanding about it and said not to worry about paying my share of stuff. She even offered to refund me my deposits, but of course I refused. I didn't tell her what her sister had said, because I don't want to be the cause of any bad feeling.

I feel so relieved!

You're too nice! I would have dobbed the sister right in if but maybe she will put herself anyway when she finds out you're not going although bride probably knows exactly what sister is like already

I won't add to the chorus - they're being quite dreadful.

I will add I would not be supporting any sort of naked cheffery. That's awful. So degrading! Would they have naked women servants? No. Would they probably share around an article about naked women servants and say how awful and sexist such a thing was? Possibly. Although maybe not - they sound like bullies, not very 'sisterhood' :)

Anyway, yeah. I'd be grabbing onto the naked chef thing and backing out due to my principles.

Wait, that sounded a little icky.

Glad all sorted

Maybe go out for a meal just the two of you before the wedding

Fantastic, sounds like you got a good friend there. Thank God she is not like her sister. How did you explain it to her without giving the game away.

I'd have been absolutely gutted if my bridesmaid had thought a naked butler and costumes were more conducive to my happiness than some of my poorer friends.

How unreasonably reasonable of her! Look out for her sister though, she'll be furious at you for doing what she will view as tattling....

I went on a hen weekend at the end of July.

The organiser did weeks of researching and emailed all the party (except the bride) and said we will be doing xyz and this is the cost if you would like to go then transfer the money by X date. In this cost she factored in the taxis, gift bags and champagne for the train journey. She even found us cheap train tickets. It all worked very well and there were no nasty surprises or "extra things" to pay for.

All that I had to pay for was extra alcholol.

Good that she was understanding

Ah good, so how much money did you actually lose through the deposits?

The bride sounds lovely and I'm really pleased it's sorted! Her sister sounds like a nightmare.

Sanctia "Anyway, yeah. I'd be grabbing onto the naked chef thing"

Once again, pretty sure that's not in his job description...

Glad you got it sorted OP. Organiser sounds horrible. I'm actually wondering if everyone was due to pay the organiser direct...? Sorry but with that level of insistence going on, I wonder if she is overcharging people and putting some money in her pocket. If you were all paying the suppliers, hotel etc separately then clearly not but I just wondered.

I wouldn't be surprised about that lorelei

In our office we have one person who is always very keen to organise group events. I strongly suspect that she keeps any discounts and freebies for herself at the expense of everyone else paying full price. If you book a group event there is often a free place for the organiser.

thinks back to when Gino de Campo did his naked chef thing on This Morning

Google it

Actually I'd say the bride has done the wrong thing tbh. She should have told the others to reign it in, not let a good friend pull out because of the ridiculously spiraling costs and unreasonableness of the other hens.

Glad it's sorted, OP. But I agree with HarryPotters above.

I think you should still send a cool and dignified message to the group, calling out the 'putting a price on the bride's happiness' shite.

Hen and stag parties are getting more and more over the top. I've been to a couple that were a weekend away in a different city in England (staying in cheap hostels, lots of planned activities), and even they cost a fair bit. I've had to turn down numerous invites to weekends in Prague/Amsterdam/etc. because it's just too ridiculous. One friend of mine is having his in Las Vegas!!!

I've never felt bad about not being able to afford it though. If they want a big holiday abroad, that's fine, but they know that it means some friends won't be able to go.