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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be severely annoyed at DD?

303 replies

worriedmother1929 · 11/09/2016 16:50

Last night DD17 went to an 18th birthday party. Myself and DH said she could drink a bit, but asked her not to get too drunk as her half dithers and their partners & children were coming over for a BBQ today, and we didn't want her to be hungover for a family occasion, and this would be her first time drinking alcohol in any large volume. She texted me this morning to ask if I could bring paracetamol and water to her when I went to pick her up (she slept over) and she was hungover beyond belief when I got her. I asked her what she had drank and she said nearly an entire bottle of some sort of strawberry drink, with a pretty high % of alcohol.
She's come home with a smashed phone (thankfully only her screen protector), multitudes of bruises on her legs from bumping into things and falling over, and has possibly re-injured her ankle which she sprained in April.
I'm disappointed in her for ignoring what DH and I said, as she was a mess at the BBQ and put a dampener on the entire afternoon, but I'm also disappointed that she didn't even think about what she was drinking and just seemed to fill up on whatever was at hand. I'm also disappointed that she has put herself at risk, and damaged something my husband and I bought for her. I understand teenagers drink, and do sometimes go OTT, but when I asked her to reign it in she ignored me and did something I had explicitly asked her not to.
AIBU to be annoyed with her?

OP posts:
Bubblebloodypop · 11/09/2016 16:53

YANBU and she should face some consequences for this. It is a pretty normal (albeit stupid) thing for a teenager to do, some will learn from it and others will go on to do it again.

Sparklesilverglitter · 11/09/2016 16:55

You set a 17 year old loose drinking large amounts of alcohol for the first time the night before a family get together and told them to simply not drink much Confused what did you expect to happen? You remember being young, did you always do what your parents told you too?

Yes she was young and a bit silly but she's suffering for it now with her hangover

Cherrysoup · 11/09/2016 16:56

YANBU. I would have put her to bed with a bucket and bottled water. Being hungover is horrible enough without having to try to keep up appearances at a BBQ.

bevvygoldberg1965 · 11/09/2016 16:56

I think the hangover is punishment enough. Cut her some slack OP, in the grand scheme of things it's really not that big a deal.

cardibach · 11/09/2016 16:57

She didn't break the phone though - you say it is just the screen protector. I'm not sure how a quiet teenager with a hangover could put a dampner on the bbq either, tbh.
It was an 18th birthday party, drinking was inevitable. YANBU to be a bit disappointed she didn't do what she agreed, but YWBU to make a big deal of it.

Soubriquet · 11/09/2016 16:57

She's suffered enough

Problem is with fruity drinks, is you don't realise how alcoholic they are

Let her suffer in peace and hope she learns her lesson doubtful though

Original poster
worriedmother1929 · 11/09/2016 16:57

She was at a friends house, with parental supervision. I assumed that she, as a seemingly mature and intelligent child, could decide not to give into peer pressure and drink large amounts. I did say she could drink some alcohol, I remember doing it myself, but I asked her not too get so drunk that she was awfully hungover today, she ignored that and that's what I'm annoyed about.

OP posts:
Soubriquet · 11/09/2016 16:59

So you've never ever been completely pisssd because you haven't realised how much you've drunk?

Ever?

Eatthecake · 11/09/2016 16:59

She's 17 there was large amounts of alcohol, it was only going to end one way wasn't it really? What 17 years old doesn't drink much because mum and dad said not too Confused

If it was my DD, yes I'd tell her how stupid it is to have drunk such a large amount and how it could impact of her taking care of herself etc but I wouldn't go mental over it as she's 17 and in the next few years will become a proper adult anyway and do what she wants.
Plus the hangover hopefully taught her a lesson

Original poster
worriedmother1929 · 11/09/2016 17:01

Ever since I've needed to be, I've been in control of what I drank. I rarely drink now, ever since I had DD&DSAt my step sons wedding a few weeks ago, DD contained herself and didn't drink anything, despite being given the full go ahead to drink as much as she wanted, and everyone around her was drinking. I'm disappointed that she didn't look after herself (who knows what could have happened?) and disregarded everything I have said.

OP posts:
LittleBearPad · 11/09/2016 17:01

She's 17. She hasn't yet learned her limits. Give her a break.

PacificOcean · 11/09/2016 17:01

This is pretty normal behaviour for a 17yo, OP. YANBU to be a bit annoyed, but I wouldn't be too hard on her.

YellowPrimula · 11/09/2016 17:01

Well you have learned a lesson too , teenagers are impulsive , they make silly decisions , if she hadn't been drunk before she probably wouldn't recognise that feeling we all get when we know it's time to stop .She probably feels awful and hopefully next time she will remember that .

JaniceBattersby · 11/09/2016 17:02

She's 17. When I was 17 I spent most weekends doing all-nighters at Cream and Gatecrasher. If my mum had tried to tell me how much to drink I would have nodded and ignored her. Because I was 17.

I think you probably need to adjust your expectations OP.

Trumpity · 11/09/2016 17:02

You let her go into a situation where there's a lot of alcohol, friends and a party environment. I'm assuming it's one of the first times.
There's friends there.
Once you've had a drink it's easy to get carried away. You don't think "mum told me not to, so I'll stop now."
I'm 36 and know this. I still sometimes drink more than I probably should.

Yabu

Amandahugandkisses · 11/09/2016 17:02

We've all been there.

Pinkheart5915 · 11/09/2016 17:03

She's 17 at a party with probably a stupid amount of alcohol, did you really think she wouldn't drink much because her Mum told her not too.

Yes a bit silly to get that drunk but quite a few of us have done it, sometimes even I don't realise how much I've had to drink until I'm drunk.

The hangover will hopefully teach her a lesson for future drinking.

phillipp · 11/09/2016 17:03

Yanbu and Yabu.

In theory she should have listened to you. Respected her property, thought about today's party etc

In reality she is 17 year old who drank to much. I know at that age I had to learn to slow down. Sometimes I would drink things (especially fruit flavoured thing) and lots of it because it tastes lovely. By the time I felt tipsy and decided to slow down I had already drank too much and got drunker without drinking anything else.

I very much doubt a hungover 17 year old ruined the BBQ for anyone. Apart from you. But that because you let it.

Imnotaslimjim · 11/09/2016 17:04

Her first time drinking in volume and you're surprised she got as drunk as she did? It takes time to get to know you're own limits plus even if you stop drinking when you feel you've had enough, if you're drinking too quickly (which you do as a teen because you don't know) you carry on getting more drunk without consuming anymore.

Hangovers are a right of passage, don't sympathise but don't criticise either, she won't thank you for it .

DragonMamma · 11/09/2016 17:05

Meh. Chill out. She's 17 and probably doesn't have an off switch.

The amount of times I would be massively hungover for family events at 17 is unreal. They were character building if nothing else.

bluebeck · 11/09/2016 17:06

OP I think you are being a little harsh here.

My teen DC wouldn't be remotely interested in drinking at a family event such as the wedding you describe. Drinking at a party with all their mates is entirely different.

I would recommend a bit of TLC, and when she is sober and well, have a short chat about personal safety when drunk, and leave it at that.

somekindofmother · 11/09/2016 17:07

YABU

she's never drunk large amounts before... so she doesn't know her limits. I'm 30 and still over do it sometimes cos it just hits you from nowhere! She's gonna drink sugar laced crap that goes down too quick and easy and suddenly be wasted. it's been scientifically proven that teenagers have the worst ability to link cause to consequence, so you can say 'don't drink too much or you'll be hung over at the bbq' but when she's drinking her brain won't be thinking about that. you say she broke her phone case, but ur annoyed she broke something u bought for her, but that's what the case is for.

honestly, it was bound to end this way, and you really should have expected it. it's a shame, but I think we all did it too our parents, and all our kids will do it to us! (barring the minority exception of course)

Pardonwhat · 11/09/2016 17:07

She's 17. Get a grip Hmm

somekindofmother · 11/09/2016 17:09

YABU

she's never drunk large amounts before... so she doesn't know her limits. I'm 30 and still over do it sometimes cos it just hits you from nowhere! She's gonna drink sugar laced crap that goes down too quick and easy and suddenly be wasted. it's been scientifically proven that teenagers have the worst ability to link cause to consequence, so you can say 'don't drink too much or you'll be hung over at the bbq' but when she's drinking her brain won't be thinking about that. you say she broke her phone case, but ur annoyed she broke something u bought for her, but that's what the case is for.

honestly, it was bound to end this way, and you really should have expected it. it's a shame, but I think we all did it too our parents, and all our kids will do it to us! (barring the minority exception of course)

JenLindleyShitMom · 11/09/2016 17:10

Huh? She's 17. It's what they do! Weren't you ever 17 or did you skip that age?

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