To be severely annoyed at DD?

[worriedmother1929]

Last night DD17 went to an 18th birthday party. Myself and DH said she could drink a bit, but asked her not to get too drunk as her half dithers and their partners & children were coming over for a BBQ today, and we didn't want her to be hungover for a family occasion, and this would be her first time drinking alcohol in any large volume. She texted me this morning to ask if I could bring paracetamol and water to her when I went to pick her up (she slept over) and she was hungover beyond belief when I got her. I asked her what she had drank and she said nearly an entire bottle of some sort of strawberry drink, with a pretty high % of alcohol.
She's come home with a smashed phone (thankfully only her screen protector), multitudes of bruises on her legs from bumping into things and falling over, and has possibly re-injured her ankle which she sprained in April.
I'm disappointed in her for ignoring what DH and I said, as she was a mess at the BBQ and put a dampener on the entire afternoon, but I'm also disappointed that she didn't even think about what she was drinking and just seemed to fill up on whatever was at hand. I'm also disappointed that she has put herself at risk, and damaged something my husband and I bought for her. I understand teenagers drink, and do sometimes go OTT, but when I asked her to reign it in she ignored me and did something I had explicitly asked her not to.
AIBU to be annoyed with her?

Sounds like she found something sweet that tasted of strawberries clearly at 17 she didn't realise the alcohol content. we've all been there where something tastes nice and goes down a bit too easy

Agree with almost everybody else.
She's 17, out with her mates at a house party where you aren't going to be getting 'measures' like in a pub. She's not yet learned her limits. she's already suffered with her hangover, and, (if you are anything like my family) lots of ribbing.
Might be worth having more conversations with her about different %s of alcohol, about measures at parties, about eating enough and drinking lots of water alongside the alcohol, etc.,etc., but no point in 'punishing' her in anyway.

My 19 year old went out last Friday , had far too much to drink , went off to work on Saturday and managed a whole shift ( even though she had to run to the loo and be sick many times )
She hasn't learnt the lesson yet
I'm a bit cross with her
But , she's young
That's what happens
YABU

She's 17, what did you expect? A good party for me at that age would have included copious amounts of cider or wine, a joint or two and maybe a shag.

YABU.

Presumably her school and you have explained (again and again!) about units of drink and alternating water or soft drinks with alcohol. Best to avoid vague fruity drinks and punch too.
Sure DD will learn from her experience!

This made me smile - last weekend I overheard a dreadfully pompous man explaining to the parent of another teen that his 17 year old daughter "had never touched a drop of alcohol or even wanted to". Said 17yo stood behind him with the biggest smirk I've ever seen and eventually had a slight choking fit and had to walk away.

OP YAB a bit U. Mates 18th vs family bbq with her sisters and their families? I'd hope she had a lovely time but learnt her lesson. Don't do the day after debrief, or next time she won't feel like she can be honest about where she's going / what she's drinking.

I know she's 17 but the 24 hours between being 17-18 don't make you able to handle your ale any better.

Yabu
She is 17, she didn't break her phone, she broke the screen protected, nothing did happen to her apart from bruises.
Given your annoyance I suspect the downer at the BBQ was you being passed off with her, because if a 17 year old in my family had done that we would have had great fun taking the piss.

Lighten up, the only punishment needed was making her get up and try and be civil with a hangover.

It was obvious this was going to happen.
Seems a bit wet of you to say her being hungover put a dampener on the whole afternoon. Just put her to bed and make a joke of it to the guests.
It probably wasn't peer pressure either, she wanted to drink it, So she did.

The hangover will be punishment enough! She was in one place, with adult supervision which is pretty safe, much better than her being out on the town. And I don't see how one hungover teen could ruin a whole BBQ (my family would just have teased me mercilessly!) - I'd let it slide tbh.

Wow, you are harsh. Did you consider the downer at the bbq was from you being in a strop, not from her being hungover? She's 17! It takes time to learn your limits with drink, cut her some slack!!

Hold the headlines. 17 year old goes to 18th Birthday party and despite her parents' warning against the evils of alcohol, she got pissed and fell around a bit and was probably sick everywhere.

I just couldn't be bothered to get furious about this. She'll learn at some point possibly.

She's 17, she needs to learn. Go easy on her.

I think it's fairly normal behaviour for a 17/18 year old. I've done far worse and I was the sensible one at school!

I wouldn't make too huge a deal of it, yes you can tell her she was a bit silly drinking so much and to be more careful next time but I wouldn't risk my relationship with her by going batshit about it.

Sorry OP but your instructions were too vague.

She's 17 and as you said this was her first real alcohol based social event.

"Don't get too drunk" is a flexible concept anyway even for those of use with many years of working out our limits behind us. For someone young and with no experience you were asking her to make a judgement that she hadn't yet learned how to make.

At that age you're still learning what is 'too much', or at least you should be. It took me years to figure out that depending on how tired I was, what is eaten etc, what got me giggly one night would completely knock me out the next. Cut her some slack.

If she's never been drunk or been left to drink anymore, how on earth is she supposed to know how much drink causes a hangover? I certainly had no idea and I definitely wasn't a big drinker in my teens/early 20s. I wouldn't have had a clue at 17 especially if it was fruity flavoured

I think you're being a bit unreasonable tbh - she's young, I think she showed a lot of self awareness by asking for water and paracetamol when you picked her up. I don't know why her hangover put the BBQ on a dampener - she's only one of several guests and in those circumstances people usually joke around and say 'well that'll learn ya' and move on. Seriously, I'd pick your battles - if you've been this annoyed about a hangover she's more likely to lie to you next time and avoid coming home the next day - putting her at more risk.

Am I reading this right? 17 year old goes to party, acts like 17 year old, and you want to punish her for it . You had two choices, let her go to the part and accept she would very likely be hungover for the bbq, or not allowed her to go at all. 'Don't get very drunk' is a silly thing to say to a young person with no experience of drinking much. Everyone finds their own limits by themselves. As long as she kept safe, I'm sure this is a lesson learned, as is a right of passage for us all.

She is 17. Chill.

You need to support her to test out and develop her alcohol tolerance at home over time. She drank too much but luckily she was in a safe environment. Drinking too much at uni for example may not have had as good an outcome.

OP, you're overreacting
This is what 17 year olds do. The party was FAR more important in her mind than a family BBQ. And rightly so.
She'll learn her drinking limits in her own time. Yes you can guide her, but punish her for not doing as you say? This is all a bit daft.
I think you need to cut her some slack

You must have known what was going to happen or you wouldn't have ask s her to limit it and try not to be too hungover!

TBH though I've had times when I've hardly drank anything but when I've stood up room spins and times I've hammered it in and not felt anything.
The size of the hangover wasn't an indication of how drunk I was either.

I'd go easy on her because I'm sure she's suffering more than any of you!

God, I don't blame her - think I would get pissed if I knew I had a family bbq with you the next day. Drop your pearls and chill out. I am sure a lot of adults have stories about drinking too much alcohol as a youngster.

She was at a friends house, with parental supervision. I assumed that she, as a seemingly mature and intelligent child, could decide not to give into peer pressure and drink large amounts.

Sorry, but I remember being in the 'triumph of hope over (other people's) experience' bubble with my own dc. It soon bursts! It's a thing at this age. She'll get better at gauging when she's had enough.

Agreeing with the masses here, your expectations of a 17 year old are way too high. Cut her some slack, she'll feel shit all day, perhaps longer...punishment enough surely?