To be severely annoyed at DD?

[worriedmother1929]

Last night DD17 went to an 18th birthday party. Myself and DH said she could drink a bit, but asked her not to get too drunk as her half dithers and their partners & children were coming over for a BBQ today, and we didn't want her to be hungover for a family occasion, and this would be her first time drinking alcohol in any large volume. She texted me this morning to ask if I could bring paracetamol and water to her when I went to pick her up (she slept over) and she was hungover beyond belief when I got her. I asked her what she had drank and she said nearly an entire bottle of some sort of strawberry drink, with a pretty high % of alcohol.
She's come home with a smashed phone (thankfully only her screen protector), multitudes of bruises on her legs from bumping into things and falling over, and has possibly re-injured her ankle which she sprained in April.
I'm disappointed in her for ignoring what DH and I said, as she was a mess at the BBQ and put a dampener on the entire afternoon, but I'm also disappointed that she didn't even think about what she was drinking and just seemed to fill up on whatever was at hand. I'm also disappointed that she has put herself at risk, and damaged something my husband and I bought for her. I understand teenagers drink, and do sometimes go OTT, but when I asked her to reign it in she ignored me and did something I had explicitly asked her not to.
AIBU to be annoyed with her?

YABU. I was clubbing at 17 (got bored of it at 20!). Give it a year and she'll be popping in to say hi to people at family events on her way between events.

Whether you as an adult drink one and then move on to water is irrelevant!

Also, if she really overdoes it then she'll never touch that particular drink again. I have particularly bad associations with Archers and Smirnoff Ice!

It's just a hangover. I can't see the big deal. It's hard to stop drinking when you've had a couple and you're 17 and having fun. Give her a break (my parents fortunately did).

You know how some teenagers think that everyone over the age of about 25 have never been teenagers and just don't understand.

Well Op you are that person. It's clear you have no concept of what it's like to be 17 and you are being extremely harsh and have unrealistic expectations of your DD.

My oldest is 18. I have been letting her drink since she was 16. When I say letting her, I would buy her a drink if we were out for a meal or we were at a social occasion or the odd one at home. And if she was going to somewhere with friends I'd buy her a couple of drinks to take with her.

Once she turned 18 she started going out with friends to pubs and clubs. I completely expected her to go mad one night and she duly filled those expectations knocking backs shots all night which ended up with them refusing to serve her any more and her throwing up in the toilets. Was I disappointed in her? Absolutely not. It's pretty standard behaviour for teenagers and as long as she's safe, with friends and they stick together I know she will be ok.

Your DD was rude and snappy because she felt like shit and was tired. She threw up four times because she had a hangover. And yet you persisted in her being present.

Why on earth didn't you just pack her off to bed and let her sleep it off and tell everyone that DD has a hangover, roll your eyes, mutter something about teenagers and booze with a big grin and that would be it.

I agree with cherry soup this has happened to us and I just put the teen to bed with pain killers, a bucket and water. Life is too short, it really is.

Myself and DH rarely drink now,

I note the word now did you drink when you was 17?

I think you are lucky you got to 17 without getting drink..

My DS (9) sleepwalked the other night and wee'd all over the floor.. I poped him back into bed and thought to myself this will probably happen when he gets drink and chuckled while cleaning the floor ..

You seem more indignant about her behaviour at the bbq would it have been better if no bbq today...

Meh. Most of us have been there. I was there myself few wkends ago. I don't go out, don't drink much. Went to friends birthday party and cocktails were lovely. Didn't realise how lovely until cold air outside hit me and dh had to walk me home. I then passed out and threw up in toilet then slept all the next day. Dh was amazed. Never seen me do this before. We all make mistakes (even when we r nearly 40)

Honestly? You sound like a misery. So what. She's got a hangover and wasn't great company at a BbQ.

Why didn't u just leave her in bed and tell family she was poorly

OP why did you ask if you were being unreasonable if you're not going to listen when everyone says you are?

YABU I think..as you said this is her first time drinking and you expected her to know her limits without testing. Those flavoured drinks often do not taste like alcohol, and I can drink them like pop :S It is extremely likely, she didn't even realise she was pissed until the whole bottle was gone..

Also in your situation I would have left her to sleep it off instead of dragging her to a family event when ill.

YANBU for being concerned though. Its never nice to see a child ill.

YABU. She's 17. She has years to learn her limits. She got carried away, it happens. Next year you'll have no say in at all.

Child's (young adult's) role to overstep boundaries, parent's role to act cross (even if they are laughing inside).

If she is just hungover, she can woman up and attend the barbecue. Being hungover and attending will be punishment enough. Leaving her in bed and treating her as if she is ill is actually encouraging her to do it again (unless she is actually vomiting, of course). If she has to attend, she will know the cost of getting a hangover and factor it into her decisions in the future.

Myself and DH rarely drink now, and if we do its one drink with dinner and then onto water/soft drinks.

You use the word now?

You need to teach your teens about responsible alcohol like you teach them about responsible sex. Realistically that isn't saying have 1 drink and move onto water.

Never give them watered down alcohol- they get an unreal view of the effect of alcohol. Let them drink if they want as teens in moderation and based on age. Talk to them about how they feel (so after 1 beer at 15 at Christmas do they feel a bit sleepy and understand why Grandad who has had a bottle of wine is snoring like a wildebeest).

Encourage them to look at the alcohol content of everything and compare it to what else they have drunk before. Encourage them to have a glass of water between each drink (very continental).

Buy some cheap alcohol breathalysers, make sure they see that 2 drinks puts you at or even over the limit.

Talk about what happened when you are so drunk that you cant remember (and the risks especially but not exclusively for women, not just rape look at all the students lost in the rivers in York and Newcastle).

Encourage sensible behaviour such as encouraging them to go out in pairs or more and travel home together. Always make sure they have an emergency £10 for a taxi (stick it in your shoe with tape unless in open sandals ). Let them know that you will always come and get them in an emergency (if you can) or send a safe cab for them. Encourage them to call you if they ever feel out of their depth.

I had too much wine last weekend and aas sick as a dog on Sunday.

My dad rubbed my back, bought me water and paracetamol and made me laugh when I wanted to die.

I'm 32

She's 17- it happens!

Ha ha! I can fully remember being 17 and going to my boyfriend at the times best friends leaving party. I got extremely drunk on Southern Comfort 😷. My mom had to undress me and put me to bed . Did I get any sympathy, did I buggery! She was hoovering outside my bedroom door the next morning.

I learnt my lesson. So will your DD.

Good advice dailymail. My dad always gave me an emergency tenner to get home.

She's 17 ! Most are out drinking too much any chance they can get! My DT's certainly were but seem to have survived their first year at Uni ok. I'd have left her in bed with a bottle of water and a bucket!

I really struggle with the culture in this country that it is fine to regularly drink to the extent of vomiting. It seems to be the one transgression that MN users are very forgiving about.

Getting ill through alcohol IS damaging to your own health, DOES expose you to unnecessary risks and IS selfish, ruining the next day for whomever you were due to be spending it with.

Young people do need to learn to drink responsibly and they will occasionally misjudge the amount and end up ill. However, this should be a learning experience, not something to be lauded. And people with children getting that hammered is just irresponsible and selfish (IMO).

I am not saying that getting merry is not fun and that occasionally a hangover is a sign of a good night, but it is a question of extent. Vomiting means that you have really overdone it.

Most countries just do not have the acceptance of binge drinking that we do (although it seems to be moving in the wrong direction on the continent).

I'm feeling really sorry for OP's DD having to struggle through the world's most formal bbq while being sick. After she was sick once why not send her to bed?

Also is anyone else imagining the hot dogs being eaten with a knife and fork?

Oh OP - your DD is learning her limits around alcahol, and as you and your DH don't drink enough to get tipsy, but not drunk, she's been shown an example of "don't drink at all" - she got drunk last night and threw up this morning, in most families, this would be found a source of amusement at a family BBQ, if it caused tension, it's probably because everyone there knows you don't approve of such behaviour.

It takes a long time of trial and error to learn at what point of drunkeness to stop so you aren't death warmed up in the morning - your expectations were unreasonable and it seems either the BBQ was badly timed or the night out with her staying out all night was badly timed ("I'll pick you up at midnight, we've got a family get together tomorrow" would have been better so at least you could limit the point she stopped drinking).

Also, if she really overdoes it then she'll never touch that particular drink again. I have particularly bad associations with Archers and Smirnoff Ice!

Mine is Southern comfort and Aftershock (2 seperate occasions)

Clever older shit me drank a bottle of blue aftershock over the space of 2 hours, alternating shots with water thinking this would be fine. I cannot stand to even be near the stuff now, let alone drink it.

Drank best part of a bottle of southern comfort as a teen and again can't touch it now. I was excited that I had got hold of something 'a bit' stronger than the whitestar gut rot cider we used to drink

Yes larry. Agreed, however, going around berating your child and wearing a face like a slapped arse isn't going to teach them anything. Better to wait and discuss the situation once the hangover symptoms have passed. More a discussion of respect, safety and boundaries surely?

She knew about the family arrangement. She got herself into this situation, so she has to sit through the BBQ, as she would if she had chosen to stay up all night and complain that day.

My kids are this age. One drinks, one is younger. She did this in a safe place with parents present. Be thankful for that. She might learn her lesson, she's obviously had a horrible day!