To be severely annoyed at DD?

[worriedmother1929]

Last night DD17 went to an 18th birthday party. Myself and DH said she could drink a bit, but asked her not to get too drunk as her half dithers and their partners & children were coming over for a BBQ today, and we didn't want her to be hungover for a family occasion, and this would be her first time drinking alcohol in any large volume. She texted me this morning to ask if I could bring paracetamol and water to her when I went to pick her up (she slept over) and she was hungover beyond belief when I got her. I asked her what she had drank and she said nearly an entire bottle of some sort of strawberry drink, with a pretty high % of alcohol.
She's come home with a smashed phone (thankfully only her screen protector), multitudes of bruises on her legs from bumping into things and falling over, and has possibly re-injured her ankle which she sprained in April.
I'm disappointed in her for ignoring what DH and I said, as she was a mess at the BBQ and put a dampener on the entire afternoon, but I'm also disappointed that she didn't even think about what she was drinking and just seemed to fill up on whatever was at hand. I'm also disappointed that she has put herself at risk, and damaged something my husband and I bought for her. I understand teenagers drink, and do sometimes go OTT, but when I asked her to reign it in she ignored me and did something I had explicitly asked her not to.
AIBU to be annoyed with her?

those kiddy-swills are very strong and the taste of the alcohol is hidden. Hopefully lesson learned, no need to pussyfoot around her. She made a fool of herself at the BBQ as most people laugh at hangovers, and she'll feel very ill.

don't see why she should have wrecked the afternoon though - just laugh at her and send her off to recover.

don't replace the phone protector, when she's sobered up tell her that she did look a real dick and that's the lesson. If it happens again, don't work round her - beyond driving she does whatever she has promised to do the next day.

Throwing up is part of growing up so my old nan used to say !.

I think you're expectations are rather high

Both my dds have done this in past, that's how they learn and find out what their limit is. I used to say "You know family are coming tomorrow,, if you drink too much tonight, you will still be expected to act as if you are perfectly well".

So she's allowed to drink as much as she wants if you're there but not much when you're not? .

When you told her yesterday not to get too drunk, surely you must have known that she would, given enough free booze? A stinking hangover is one of the prices we pay for growing up, IMO. As other people have said, give her painkillers, water and a bowl to be sick into, absolutely no sympathy and let her get on with it. Once she's recovered have a chat about ways to keep an eye on what you're drinking and how much. It's difficult at parties, because other people are pouring you drinks, but I used to make a point of alternating alcoholic drinks with non-alcoholic drinks and once I had had enough to drink, switching to coke or tonic and not telling people I'd stopped boozing so there was no pressure to drink more.

You sound way OTT and YABU. It was an 18th birthday party and your daughter's never even got wrecked before.

Smashed screen protector and bruises.. so what? What harm's actually been done, other than your family 'do wasn't the perfect family portrait you were expecting?

when I asked her to reign it in she ignored me and did something I had explicitly asked her not to.

She's seventeen, this is par for the course I'm afraid. I'm shocked this is the first time something like this has happened, really.

I doubt she set out to piss you off, she just wanted to enjoy the party and didn't have the drinking experience to moderate things. You're making it all about you and you come off as very controlling.

At least it happened in a relative place of safety, and not some random club miles from home. A lesson learned for her which she'll hopefully remember (or not!)

Did you consider the downer at the bbq was from you being in a strop, not from her being hungover?

^ this

Of course she got drunk - she's a teen with free alcohol and her mum's blessing 😂

I know quite a few people who I have never seen drunk, though, and they have always had the most - to me - remarkable and mature attitude to drinking. One or two at most, then they're perfectly happy to sip water. Do you and your husband drink like this, OP? If so that's great, but a lot to expect of a 17 year old.

YABU.

She's 17. She was at a party and got drunk. So far, so normal.

Really don't see how her being hungover put a dampener on the whole BBQ. What's that about?

As there were no really serious consequences (being killed, life-changing injuries etc). I think that it's not worth making a huge deal out of. The hangover is a punishment in itself.

After all, Euan should have learned from his dad Tony about not getting drunk on A-level (or was it GCSE?) results day. He also shouldn't have lied to the police about his address; he should have told them "Euan Blair, 10 Downing Street." Liar: like father, like son!

When I was 17 (back in the mists of time), if there was only alcohol, and not other substances, circulating at a party, then it was a rather unusual, and tame, state of affairs. In your shoes I would be feeling grateful she had only got drunk, tbh.

I won't repeat what everyone else here has said.
You can advise her, NOT control her.

She was snappy, rude and left the table to throw up four times. Not appropriate for a family occasion in my opinion.

Myself and DH rarely drink now, and if we do its one drink with dinner and then onto water/soft drinks.

FlumptyDumpty

Really don't see how her being hungover put a dampener on the whole BBQ. What's that about?

I suspect that its about the OP walking around like she has been sucking a lemon

Was that because you forced her to be there when she just wanted to be in bed?

I think it's incredibly harsh to force a 17 yr old to sit at the table because she eff'd up and got drunk. It's not like this is a regular occurrence is it?

And I'd be bloody worried about my kid if she puked 4 times. This was the day after not on the evening. Her symptoms could have been signs of alcohol poisoning. YABVVVVVVU

If this is the first time this has happened, then batten down the hatches as this is not gonna be the first time you are going to be 'disappointed' in her. You have to just ride with it, or you're going to be grey and lose your sanity before she reaches 20! I learnt to just trust that my teens would go a bit bonkers sometimes, but they would learn along the way (with a bit of advice and guidance from us parents). Mine are now out of their teens and have turned out okay. If you try to over control her, you're going to be in for a very bumpy ride.

OP I understand your worry honestly but chalk this one up to experience, don't make a big deal of it. You can't expect your 17yo to behave the same as you about alcohol - you now choose small amounts of it thanks to
many more years experience of it.

Don't be a martyr.

Oh come on. She's 17. I'm sure she could have missed the bbq on this occasion.

YABU that was my behaviour when i was 15, at 17 my mum didn't tell me what i was and was not allowed to do!

Sounds like she has paid the price with her hangover!

Also who has a bbq that so formal you sit at the table and someone getting up is missed?

Sounds like a barrel of laughs. I'd rather have a hangover to tackle that.

YABU.

And why does everything on MN have to be "severe?"

Nobody is just ill, always severely ill.

Nobody is annoyed, always severely annoyed.

I can't believe your made her attend the bbq, no wonder she was snappy the poor thing, couldn't you have left her in bed and told your family she was Ill?
She'll never confide in you about what she gets up to when she goes out if this is the way you go on!

I'm impressed she got to 17 tbh!
Parent of 4 teens here. It's a rite of passage like it or not, and expecting her to be sensible when she doesn't have a clue what 'sensible' is going to be for her... YABU I'm afraid... and should have allowed her hangover in peace rather than forcing her to attend a family bbq when she clearly wasn't up to it.

She will learn.. but doing the pursed lips face at her isn't going to make her grown up and sensible any faster!

Mine all learned fairly quickly... a couple of pissed as newt occasions and they learned their limits... and by the time they went of to Uni this was a good thing!!!
I think the night I was picking puke chunks out of DD2's waist length spiral curly hair after her 18th was particularly memorable for me....but she's 22 now and doesn't get wasted anymore as being a nurse with a massive hangover is not fun.

I think you need to just assume her hangover is her own punishment :)