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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Aibu to find this utterly infuriating??

430 replies

goddessoftheharvest · 14/08/2016 16:40

Guest at Sunday lunch today. Over the course of the meal

"Oh I couldn't eat all of that... Just a little bit for me thanks. Oh no, that's far too much. Just half of that. Half of that. I wouldn't eat all those potatoes. Could I have that little corner of the meat, that very well done part? That will do for me. Sorry, could i swap my meat for that bit? It looks a bit better done. No, I'll not have any of that, I couldn't manage it. I'll just try a bit off X's plate. Apple pie for afters? I couldn't, I really couldn't. I'll try a tiny bowl I suppose. Just a spoonful"

At this point I thought fuck it, and gave her an actual tablespoon sized portion. She then proceeded to eat it and half of DDs!

I love this relative dearly, but by God she has a weird attitude to food. She isn't fussy and has no allergies, but it's as if enjoying food for what it is is unladylike or something, hence the massive parade over portion sizes etc

Basically you end up spending ages making a nicely cooked and presented meal, only for most of it to be taken up with this warbling on!

Aibu to think this is rude and annoying?

OP posts:

Vickyyyy · 14/08/2016 16:44

Ahaha I have a friend like this. For some reason she likes to pretend she barely eats anything and we have this all of the time. We went out for Sunday lunch once and she was all 'omg, I couldn't possibly eat all of that' then ate it all plus some of her partners meat?! Then made a point of saying how normally she wouldn't eat even half of it but she felt like it would look ungrateful (to who...shes bloody paying for her meal?!) if she didn't eat it all. Drives me barmy sometimes..

If I ever felt like torturing myself invited her for a meal at mine, I would give her the same size portion as everyone else and completely ignore the attempts to fuss, and just say leave what you don't want. Can nearly guarantee the whole plate would be all but licked clean.

Original poster

goddessoftheharvest · 14/08/2016 16:45

It's like dealing with a toddler. I want the blue cup not the yellow, I don't like this plate, I want my pear cutted up..

OP posts:

BrendaFurlong · 14/08/2016 16:46

YANBU
I have something similar with 2 relatives (one from my family, one from DH's.) We have "what would you like for dinner?" conversations where we make several suggestions and are met with insistence that they don't want to put us out, anything will do, they're not fussy, at home they don't really have a full meal, just a cracker with cheese etc etc.

And then at meal time we have everything from suspicion, insistence that they couldn't possibly manage such a huge portion, and a sudden list of everything they actually don't eat (usually random and inconsistent.) If we take them out however they eat huge portions of absolutely everything.

(One of them also constantly comments on the way I do things. I apparently cut mushrooms up in a very peculiar way.)

HerdsOfWilderbeest · 14/08/2016 16:48

Next time give her a teaspoon of each bit. 6 peas or 7?

People like that really annoy me.

PNGirl · 14/08/2016 16:49

YANBU. The best way is to ignore and let them serve themselves or sharply tell them to leave what they don't want.
My MIL does the opposite- massively over-orders then tries to foist it off on me and husband. We didn't order naan bread last weekend because it's filling; she and FIL ordered one each, tried to make us eat it and ended up leaving more than 2/3 each. Gah!

Gardencentregroupie · 14/08/2016 16:50

My dad has a small appetite and complains if there's too much on his plate. I can't be arsed, I smile and say "just eat what you want and leave the rest". No discussion.

Buttfucknowhere · 14/08/2016 16:51

i also hate this for so many reasons. When in the company of someone like this (I know several - all older women) I make a point of having a big portion, enjoying my food and ignoring the fussing.

Feel sorry for them, they want to be perceived as delicate ladylike eaters and it's mostly for show. Bet they go home and scoff a pack of biscuits.

Society has a really fucked up attitude to women and their appetites.

wtfdidijustwatch · 14/08/2016 16:51

I noticed similar when we went out for afternoon tea recently.
There were four of us so we had two lots of sandwiches, scones, cream and assorted cakes.
Two of our group (who are both fairly large and so obviously enjoy their food) spent the whole time picking at things and declaring that they were full up and other nonsense.
It was a complete waste of money as most of it went back.
Why did they bother going for afternoon tea if they were going to make a show out of not eating any of the cakes?
Who were they kidding?

The whole point is to get stuck in and enjoy what's on offer.

Original poster

goddessoftheharvest · 14/08/2016 16:52

The teaspoon of apple pie worked a treat. Usually I give a normal sized portion which she proceeds to fuss about and tries to offload on other people's plates. They, pf course, decline, and as if by magic, she ends up clearing the plate!

So by the time it got to pudding, I had enough of the drama and when she requested her "tiny spoonful" that's exactly what I gave her. She had it done in no time and was eyeing up plates and finishing leftovers!

I wouldn't mind, but she often criticises other people's eating habits and table manners. She can't actually cook either.

OP posts:

wtfdidijustwatch · 14/08/2016 16:53

They want to be perceived as delicate ladylike eaters and it's mostly for show. Bet they go home and scoff a pack of biscuits.

True, it's as if how they are behind closed doors is completely different to how they pretend to be socially.

KoalaDownUnder · 14/08/2016 16:56

Reminds me of my friend for whom everything is too rich.

'Ooh, this cake is nice, but it is quite rich, isn't it?!'

'Sorry I couldn't finish the meat, it was just a bit rich for me'

'Just a tiny, tiny bit, if you don't mind - it looks very 'rich'

You'd think I was forcing foie gras and deep-fried Camembert down her gullet, but this is perfectly normal food. (Once she said it about un-iced carrot cake )

Original poster

goddessoftheharvest · 14/08/2016 16:56

There does seem to be a bit of an under tone of, women shouldn't have appetites or feel hungry etc

OP posts:

Lilaclily · 14/08/2016 16:57

Did you invite my mother in law for lunch ?

Original poster

goddessoftheharvest · 14/08/2016 16:58

OMG mine does the "too rich" thing too! One time it was over cheese from Lidls . I felt like I should be checking my legs for gout, in comparison

OP posts:

ChipsCheeseandIrnBru · 14/08/2016 16:59

I agree.

No I shouldn't, no, no I really can't. I won't have any. No I mustn't. Oh, alright, a tiny bit.

Just say yes. FFS.

HereIAm20 · 14/08/2016 17:00

wtfdidijustwatch - you sound like a lovely friend to have!

Maybe your larger friends are trying to watch their weight or maybe they don't want to be perceived a overeaters by their slimmer judgy friends!

m0therofdragons · 14/08/2016 17:00

I usually put food on the table for everyone to help themselves when we have guests. It started when pil complained I'd given them too much every time. Okay, help yourself - then they take the same as I'd usually given them plus more!

MrsBobDylan · 14/08/2016 17:01

My God, yanbu. In fact, I have rarely seen a more reasonable thread on mn op.

My Gran did this all her life, including "oh only half a cup of tea for me MrsBob, I can never manage a full cup". Everyone made her a full cup, then tipped half away because it's too hard to make half a cup of tea, it fucks up the proportions.

CrossfireHurricane · 14/08/2016 17:02

DH Grandmother the same oh no, oh I really shouldn't and all this malarkey in the end I used to say
No?
Okay then, and put whatever it was away.....she soon stopped!

CrossfireHurricane · 14/08/2016 17:04

You are definitely nbu

wtfdidijustwatch · 14/08/2016 17:04

Sorry to disappoint you Here, but I am by no stretch of the imagination 'slim'. Nowhere near it.
But if I'm paying £25 for afternoon, I WILL be eating the cakes. Otherwise whats the point of ordering it?
If they were on diets (which they weren't) why on earth would you order afternoon tea in the first place?

Penfold007 · 14/08/2016 17:05

Why was my mother having lunch at your house? I get the 'oh I can only manage a tiny bit' and 'Do you have smaller cutlery?' I now give her a tiny dinner with child's cutlery

wtfdidijustwatch · 14/08/2016 17:06

afternoon tea.

Besides, it made the two of us that wanted to get stuck in feel uncomfortable as they were sat picking and mainly watching us eat.
So in that regard, you could turn it on it's head and say that they were the ones being rude and 'not very good friends'.

monkeywithacowface · 14/08/2016 17:06

My inlaws always plate up "men size" meals and "ladies sized" ones. I ALWAYS make a point of sitting down in front of DH's plate just to wind MIL up. It's a little running joke between me and dh now as to who will get to the big plate first.

HerdsOfWilderbeest · 14/08/2016 17:07

Exactly. Play her at her own coy game.

"I know you have a tiny appetite, do you feel you could manage a tiny little bit of a starter?" Watch her guzzle it down.

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