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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to find this utterly infuriating??

430 replies

goddessoftheharvest · 14/08/2016 16:40

Guest at Sunday lunch today. Over the course of the meal

"Oh I couldn't eat all of that... Just a little bit for me thanks. Oh no, that's far too much. Just half of that. Half of that. I wouldn't eat all those potatoes. Could I have that little corner of the meat, that very well done part? That will do for me. Sorry, could i swap my meat for that bit? It looks a bit better done. No, I'll not have any of that, I couldn't manage it. I'll just try a bit off X's plate. Apple pie for afters? I couldn't, I really couldn't. I'll try a tiny bowl I suppose. Just a spoonful"

At this point I thought fuck it, and gave her an actual tablespoon sized portion. She then proceeded to eat it and half of DDs!

I love this relative dearly, but by God she has a weird attitude to food. She isn't fussy and has no allergies, but it's as if enjoying food for what it is is unladylike or something, hence the massive parade over portion sizes etc

Basically you end up spending ages making a nicely cooked and presented meal, only for most of it to be taken up with this warbling on!

Aibu to think this is rude and annoying?

OP posts:
SlightlyperturbedOwl · 14/08/2016 18:01

Sounds like you had my MIL over too Grin tbh I can now just block out the wittering, but the hygiene issues of transferring half-eaten food onto everyone else's plate with a fork that has been used just leave me cold, especially after the usual pre-dinner detailed conversation about the current tummy bug they've had Angry

MrsSchadenfreude · 14/08/2016 18:05

This reminds me of one of the pain in the arse mothers who came to "help" -criticise-- at DD1's 4th birthday party. I had made the birthday cake. It was chocolate. "Oooh, that looks very rich, don't you think it's a bit rich for little children? I mean I would only have a tiny piece of that and I'm an adult. Oooh, I really don't think they should have any of the icing. What is it made of?" It was a ganache, made with chocolate and cream. The cake was made from flour, sugar, butter, eggs and cocoa powder. She went on and on. I snapped in the end and asked her if she thought it would be better for them to eat loads of margarine and icing sugar."

When I was tidying up, I went into the kitchen, after most of the kids had gone, and found her trying to ram the largest piece of cake possible into her face. Guess it wasn't too rich after all. Grin

Fiderer · 14/08/2016 18:09

My exMIL came to dinner once and announced she'd been fasting for days (I had no idea) and could only have a few steamed vegetables. It was a family dinner for my son's birthday and I'd made a goulash which he loved. Not for her. Veg - not suitable. Salad - which she couldn't touch.

I lied and said I had no other vegetables in the house because she was so aggressive "Oh I cannot eat anything in this house" so she sat glowering and martyring at us gluttons.

Then I brought out the (first time made and helped by s1 with terrific pride) Delia's chocolate log roll. She held out for a few minutes and declared as s1 had helped make it that she Must Try It. Had 3 portions.

SandyPantz · 14/08/2016 18:11

ha ha I know someone like this, and you're right, it's the undertones of how women shouldn't enjoy food (like I very much do) that gets a bit annoying.

If we have lunch together she'll go on about how stuffed she is, and she'll keep saying "we won't need any tea after that big lunch will we", and I have to argue my case because I do still want dinner despite having eaten lunch like the greedy pig I am.

It's not that she doesn't eat, she just makes a fuss about not eating lots at the table - she makes up for it with a million sugary teas etc in between

LottieDoubtie · 14/08/2016 18:15

I work with one of these.

Asks what's for lunch goes to the canteen and comes back with an orange because she couldn't manage anything else.

We all (Say 6 people) turn up to a work dinner thing in a restaurant to discover her already there (oh, I was in town anyway and couldn't wait so I ate early, I'll just have a drink and sit with you....)

Original poster
goddessoftheharvest · 14/08/2016 18:17

Relative isn't fat at all, about a size 10. Perfectly normal, healthy size and perfectly normal appetite, except she feels the need to throw up these smoke and mirrors to pretend she lives on thin air. I genuinely don't serve huge portions

Her mum is the same though, and she serves the best helpings to The Men first. In fact, the mum has been known to perch on her own at the breakfast bar, with the meal she made, while everyone else sits at the dining table in comfort

Fuck. That. I just have no time for such a parade of ladylike, fake self denial. If you like the food, eat it.

OP posts:
Banana99 · 14/08/2016 18:20

My MIL would serve up tiny dinners and sit there declaring we were all gluttons and we were all going to get fat blah blah. Basically it would ruin the meal.
Thing is she would stand in the kitchen 'cooking' (grazing on food) and then we would only get a small meal. She would often eat a sandwich not long after dinner as well (she was very thin).
I'd be left starving and annoyed. There's nothing like not eating for hours and then being told you are 'stuffing your face' on 2 tiny potatoes
a couple of times me and DH sneaked out for a walk and had chips

SandyPantz · 14/08/2016 18:21

I certainly couldn't eat a whole afternoon tea in one go and always plan to take a doggy bag - you often get a large scone, or two, and several other cakes - who seriously eats all that in one go
Blush

She this is exactly what we mean when we say it's infuriating
Its fine that you don't eat all of yours and take a doggy bag
the fucking infuriating bit is the pearl clutching that someone esle would!: "who seriously eats all that in one go"

FYI, it has exactly the SAME FUCKING CALORIES whether you eat it all in one go, or whether you eat some now, some at home!

BarbaraofSeville · 14/08/2016 18:27

Well no it doesn't have the same calories, because if you eat it later, it takes the place of another meal, that you would otherwise have. It's not bird like eating to not want to eat five cakes at one sitting.

monkeymamma · 14/08/2016 18:27

Yes, yes, yes!!

Also to people who, if they go out for a particularly nice lunch: oooh, I won't want any tea tonight! (Wtf? I always want tea!) it really spoils the meal banging on about how FULL they are and how FULL everyone must be (shut up!!).

Yes to the 'ooh it's so RICH' comment. My friend does this, but in reverse. So 'light'=good. She makes cakes with no fat so they are light. She puts yoghurt instead of eggs - so light! No sugar - so healthy! Arghhhhh stop making cakes without sugar just don't eat cake if you're so worried!

Libitina · 14/08/2016 18:28

My MIL is exactly the same as your guest. She is on a constant diet so never eats much. Except she then polishes off half of whatever my poor FIL is eating too.

wtfdidijustwatch · 14/08/2016 18:29

The thing is, I knew we would be getting a lot of cakes and scones so I made sure I was properly hungry beforehand, so I could do it justice and have a good stab at it and really enjoy the experience.

Our cake stand looked like a plague of locusts had swept through, whereas the fussy, I couldn't possibly eat this rich food friends' stand went back, almost untouched. It was all too much/too rich/too bloody something.

Never thought to ask for a doggy bag.

SandyPantz · 14/08/2016 18:29

Because some people will skip a meal if they know they are going out for a big/nice/special meal that day. So it IS the same calories. Its just shitty to suck the joy out of other people who DO like digging in (and lets face it, there's no harm because nobody has afternoon tea every day) just because you spread yours out by being all "who does that?"

Original poster
goddessoftheharvest · 14/08/2016 18:29

Yep

Very rude to comment on other people's appetites. The unspoken criticism is that bird like eaters have a moral high ground. That sort of thinking leads to eating disorders

OP posts:
CuntyPotato · 14/08/2016 18:29

Oh god this! My stepmother is this person, and I realised as an adult she has a raging eating disorder! Her and my dad are baffled that people can eat three meals a day (which is NORMAL) and she will only eat half a chocolate bar as a snack.

I ended up as a fat teen, lost the weight for a few years then developed an eating disorder. Now ok, but fuck that attitude about food. Eat it or don't eat it, but shut up about it and keep your comments on other people's portion sizes to yourself. Argh!

SandyPantz · 14/08/2016 18:29

That was @ BarbaraofSeville

KathyBeale · 14/08/2016 18:30

Catchthetide - that is so like my mum that if I had a sister I'd think you were her! I also had an eating disorder as a teen and am now fat. I feel like I disappoint my mum every time I eat anything in front of her. But I actually have to stop her feeding my sons as much as she'd like to.

My MIL does a similar fussing. This might out me as it's my fave story but she once came to McDonald's with me and the kids after swimming. I never eat in McD's because I don't like it so I have a cup of tea and eat lunch at home. She made a big fuss about going to McD's which I sort of understand because it's horrible but it was a treat for the kids. She huffed and puffed about what to eat, and I kept saying she could eat with me later if she liked. She went back and forwards to the menu on the wall, tutting, then said she'd like scrambled egg. I said they didn't sell that. Quick as a flash - and with a huge sigh - she ordered a Big Mac. I laughed so much!

wtfdidijustwatch · 14/08/2016 18:32

DM

''I musn't have that biscuit, it will spoil my dinner''

or

''We won't have a biscuit, we've just eaten''

So eat some more fgs.

A biscuit isn't going to kill you or spoil your appetite.

ChocolateBudgeCake · 14/08/2016 18:32

I spent a week with two relatives who were both on diets.

It was all they bloody talked about.

CaptainBrickbeard · 14/08/2016 18:33

Planning a lunch out with MIL recently and she remarked that we wouldn't need dinner that night. Then later commented that we shouldn't have breakfast that day so as not to spoil our appetite. Fine, if you're going to have a leisurely morning in bed til 10.30am (her). Less so if you're up with two small children from 6am and required to play lively games in the garden all morning. I just said I could quite happily manage three meals a day, thanks and so I did.

SandyPantz · 14/08/2016 18:34

ARgh, kathy, are you my SIL? becaues my mother does exactly that, if we go somewhere that has a clear menu or display she'll ask for something that isn't close to anything on the menu. (like "do you have soup" at a sandwich deli that clearly doesn't have a soup vat, and if it did it would be on the menu). Then it's a big fucking problem, all while we're at the front of the queue and she had the whole queue to pick something that actual WAS on offer! - then she'll pick something she says she can't eat and eat all of it Grin

Notinmybackyard · 14/08/2016 18:35

I have an ex friend who "couldn't" eat dried fruit, so we spend ages looking for plain scones, going from shop to shop. Boring! Fusses about how much jam & clotted cream she can eat with them. Fine. She then stays at my house and proceeds to eat loads of fruit loaf & uses up all the butter. So you can't eat fruit in scones but fruit loaf is ok? Am I missing something? When I asked I was told rudely that they're different. Really?

SandyPantz · 14/08/2016 18:36

BarbaraofSeville here's the difference:

"would you like a biscuit"
"no thank you"
= no problem

"would you like a biscuit"
"oh no! who could eat after that big meal we've just had"
= judging anyone who DOES fancy a biscuit with coffee & being fucking miserable company

Snowwhitequeen · 14/08/2016 18:37

It's definitely a 'ladies are delicate and must pretend to have tiny appetites' thing. In fairness my mum does eat like a sparrow but she never mentions it, I'm just always Shock at how little she'll eat.

Me? I'm not overweight but I LOVE food. I would sooner exercise more than cut out the things I love. I don't overeat often but if I go out for a meal or someone has made something yummy I'll happily stuff my face. My in-laws presumed I ate like a sparrow at first as I was about a stone lighter back in the day, then they realised I can out-eat DH and eat more roast potatoes than all of them.....bloody love roast potatoes. My one yeah right weakness Grin

Some of us live to eat, others eat to live....I know which set I prefer having dinner with!

ShebaShimmyShake · 14/08/2016 18:39

I know someone like this. Once at a meal out where she had constantly commented on what everyone was eating and how she couldn't manage anything, she asked me if I was having dessert. I said I fancied a crème brulee and she gasped, "A whole one??"

So I ordered two desserts and ate them both, just to fuck with her, and believe me it worked. It was even better because I'd recently lost a shitload of weight and she wouldn't stop banging on about that either. I gained a pound that week but God it was worth it.