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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to find this utterly infuriating??

430 replies

goddessoftheharvest · 14/08/2016 16:40

Guest at Sunday lunch today. Over the course of the meal

"Oh I couldn't eat all of that... Just a little bit for me thanks. Oh no, that's far too much. Just half of that. Half of that. I wouldn't eat all those potatoes. Could I have that little corner of the meat, that very well done part? That will do for me. Sorry, could i swap my meat for that bit? It looks a bit better done. No, I'll not have any of that, I couldn't manage it. I'll just try a bit off X's plate. Apple pie for afters? I couldn't, I really couldn't. I'll try a tiny bowl I suppose. Just a spoonful"

At this point I thought fuck it, and gave her an actual tablespoon sized portion. She then proceeded to eat it and half of DDs!

I love this relative dearly, but by God she has a weird attitude to food. She isn't fussy and has no allergies, but it's as if enjoying food for what it is is unladylike or something, hence the massive parade over portion sizes etc

Basically you end up spending ages making a nicely cooked and presented meal, only for most of it to be taken up with this warbling on!

Aibu to think this is rude and annoying?

OP posts:
wtfdidijustwatch · 14/08/2016 17:09

My mother has the whole Men and Ladies plates thing going on. The 'ladies' plates are half the size!

TondelayaDellaVentamiglia · 14/08/2016 17:09

My aunt is like this....plus she likes to comment on everyone else's plateful

"oooh are you going to manage all that???"

" All that cheese would give me nightmares!"

"I'll only have a sliver of cheesecake I don't think dairy is good for me!" ...says the woman who smothers all cake in whipped cream.

she also uses "rich" all the time

FadedRed · 14/08/2016 17:09

Agree with Motherofdragons - put stuff on the table and let people serve themselves. The dishwasher can cope with the extra crockery. Really cannot be arsed with all that fussiness. Spoils the meal for me.

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut · 14/08/2016 17:10

My mil is also like this. But infuriatingly she will also try to do it to me too - so I also get two halves of new potatoe and a slice of meat and half a carrot... of the meal I have bloody cooked. The men get proper portions Hmm

I now plate up the food before serving (so I don't starve) and drink half a bottle of wine as compensation for having to listen to it.

Mil is a lot bit Surrendered Wife.

SantinoRice · 14/08/2016 17:10

I had a colleague who used to pretend she never ate anything. Very odd, as everyone else ate loads & no one cared. One time I came into work early and saw her eating a cheese toastie from the canteen which she swiftly put in her desk drawer when she saw me. I pretended not to notice, went & got my own toastie (God, I miss that canteen) & she came over and asked me what the cheese toasties were like because she'd never had one Hmm

HerdsOfWilderbeest · 14/08/2016 17:11

My friend's mum always says "gosh, too much for me" as if everyone else may be gluttons but she has her standards.

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut · 14/08/2016 17:13

I can spell potato. What I can't do is edit potatoes to potato 🙄

specialsubject · 14/08/2016 17:14

in my house they would be wearing their meal if they tried this crap.

you aren't a character in a Jane Austen novel who has to appear dainty in order to get married, or starve. So eat up, shut up, or preferably both.

80sMum · 14/08/2016 17:14

It's my experience that as I have got older, my appetite has diminished. I find that I am very put off by being presented with a huge plate of food. I would rather ask for a small portion than end up either wasting it or forcing myself to eat it all out of politeness.

I find that I cannot stomach much meat any more; I get terrible indigestion afterwards. I used to eat quite a lot of meat. Used to love tucking in to a big plate of steak and chips, or a full Sunday roast,but not any more.

I remember that DH and I used to have to take "emergency rations" with us whenever we went to MIL's for a meal, as her servings were so small. Now however, some 30 years later, I find that I tend to eat about the same amount as MIL.

So, to conclude. YAB a bit U.

TaliZorahVasNormandy · 14/08/2016 17:15

Oh that would wind me up so much.

Lady sized portions my arse. If I wanna eat, I'll choice how much or how little I want. It's my bloody appetite. Nor would I want to hear comments like that, just bloody eat what you want.

OP get a childs plate and dish up dinner on that.

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut · 14/08/2016 17:15

Mil also eyes me disapprovingly when I have thirds seconds. I don't give a shit. Pil also disapprove of me drinking in the day. That's another two fucks not given.

wornoutboots · 14/08/2016 17:16

the trick is to have normal sized portions on bigger plates ;-)

it comes from the fear of being seen to hava a large appetite, my grandmother's generation would have seen it as unladylike.
(my grandmother didn't do that stuff though, "if you're hungry, eat it")

MovingOnUpMovingOnOut · 14/08/2016 17:16

Yes give her all her meals on a saucer.

NeedAScarfForMyGiraffe · 14/08/2016 17:17

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

OscarDeLaYenta · 14/08/2016 17:19

YANBU.

I have a friend like this. Picks at food, has tiny portions, objects vigorously to being given a decent sized plateful, busies herself in the kitchen so she can miss out on courses, and has even been known not to lay a place for herself. But at the same time she over-caters massively when she entertains, aggressively foists extra portions onto people, and publicly criticises women for being 'too thin' and clearly 'not eating enough'. (Even though they have just polished off a multi-course meal catered by her involving several lots of generally unwanted second helpings.)

She is very thin, and not in a toned-from-exercise way, and I am pretty certain she has Serious Food Issues. I find it bloody irritating, but mostly just feel very sorry for her. Being around her when there is food is still utterly exhausting though. She won't even have a plain black coffee or herbal tea (hence under 10 calories per cup).

GingerbreadGingerbread · 14/08/2016 17:19

YANBU I have relatives like this and they drive me crazy they are basically inferring I am a fat greedy pig as they couldn't eat anywhere near what I (and my family) eat.

It's all: "Gosh how can you manage all that? We only have one meal a day at home that's all we need. Gosh this food is very rich. I won't be able to eat anything for a week after this! More food?"

It's rude because it's a passive aggressive insult.

TheNaze73 · 14/08/2016 17:19

YANBU. Bring back the birch

NewNameFriday · 14/08/2016 17:19

My aunt is like this....plus she likes to comment on everyone else's plateful

As a child, I was always told 'keep your eyes on your own plate'. I was also taught that when offered something, the correct thing to say is either 'yes please' or 'no thank you', and nothing more.

cherryplumbanana · 14/08/2016 17:20

I don't know, either people serve themselves , or I serve them but stop when they have enough food on their plate. Quantities are never an issue.

My MIL insist on bringing full plates one by one, so you have no say on what is in front of you, I do find that really irritating. I don't eat that much at diner time, so it's a struggle to finish your plate. It's a bit rude to force feed your guests really.

dataandspot · 14/08/2016 17:20

Wtfdid- you missed a trick there. I would have had their cakes boxed up so I could take them home!

I am fat and don't pretend I am not!

HerdsOfWilderbeest · 14/08/2016 17:20

Yes I agree it is rude.

BabyGanoush · 14/08/2016 17:22

I don't know anyone like this,

Maybe because I am one of those deadpan Scandi's who says: "ok" if someone says they don't want something, they don't get if. I don't plead Grin

"Oh no, I couldn't possibly, it looks too rich for me"
Me:" ok, no problem"

People learn fast Wink

Just a teaspoon? Ok, here you are.

Just refuse to enter into silly game play, OP

monkeywithacowface · 14/08/2016 17:23

I do sometimes wonder if it's because my inlaws have issues with their weight and are trying convince themselves it has nothing to do with their diet as they only eat small portions? Don't make a fuss over a tiny slice of cake when you're happy to guzzle a bottle of red wine most nights!

Everytimeref · 14/08/2016 17:23

My step mum can never finish a plate of food, however small the amount you give her its always "too much".

She must be eating "too much" at some point because she is huge!

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 14/08/2016 17:24

Was this by any chance a fat - or at least overweight - person?

I have known real porkers who would pretend in public that they ate like birds, but stuffed themselves in private.

Once shared a house with two decidedly chubby girls like this. While anyone was there it was always, 'oh, just a bit of salad for me,' and if I hadn't come home unexpectedly very early one day to find them tucking into a massive roast dinner, I would have believed they ate like that all the time.

It was ridiculous, since I didn't give a toss what they did or didn't eat, but they looked so pink and guilty at being 'caught'.

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