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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Aibu to find this utterly infuriating??

430 replies

goddessoftheharvest · 14/08/2016 16:40

Guest at Sunday lunch today. Over the course of the meal

"Oh I couldn't eat all of that... Just a little bit for me thanks. Oh no, that's far too much. Just half of that. Half of that. I wouldn't eat all those potatoes. Could I have that little corner of the meat, that very well done part? That will do for me. Sorry, could i swap my meat for that bit? It looks a bit better done. No, I'll not have any of that, I couldn't manage it. I'll just try a bit off X's plate. Apple pie for afters? I couldn't, I really couldn't. I'll try a tiny bowl I suppose. Just a spoonful"

At this point I thought fuck it, and gave her an actual tablespoon sized portion. She then proceeded to eat it and half of DDs!

I love this relative dearly, but by God she has a weird attitude to food. She isn't fussy and has no allergies, but it's as if enjoying food for what it is is unladylike or something, hence the massive parade over portion sizes etc

Basically you end up spending ages making a nicely cooked and presented meal, only for most of it to be taken up with this warbling on!

Aibu to think this is rude and annoying?

OP posts:

ZippyNeedsFeeding · 14/08/2016 18:40

I'm glad it isn't just my family that does this!
My grandmother wanted to meet MrZippy after we got married but couldn't travel, so we went to stay with her and every day I had to sneak out to the shops to buy food. At breakfast she would make a huge cooked breakfast for him and tell me I could make myself one slice of toast and have any tea that was left in the pot. MrZ thought it was very funny but I actually found it very hurtful. At other meals she would serve me about enough to feed a 2 year old and again he would get massive portions. There were also lots of comments about how much I ate, how little she could mange to eat and how fast I cleared my plate.
MrZippy did stop me from killing anyone (and possibly eating them!) by suggesting a walk before bed every night and taking me to the nearest takeaway.
It did make me understand my mother a little better though. My mother is still a bitch, but now I understand that she probably comes from a line of them, she isn't just an aberration.

Spudlet · 14/08/2016 18:41

What on earth was my MIL doing at your house?! I get 'Oh Spudlet, you'll never lose the baby weight if you eat all that!'

Hands off my plate wench, I am lactating. Gimme chips. Grrrrrr.

goose1964 · 14/08/2016 18:45

I'm a bit like that at my MiLs but it's because she gets offended if you don't have seconds, si I eat the same amount without offending her.

KathyBeale · 14/08/2016 18:48

Sandy, that made me laugh out loud! Maybe you are my SIL!

Nataleejah · 14/08/2016 19:15

Thats why all my dinners are buffets. Help yourself. Almost everyone i know is either fussy or allergic.

SandyPantz · 14/08/2016 19:19

yeahhh no buffets are worse, for these people anyway, at least with a sit down you can just bloody serve them and leave them to their wittering while you dig in.
These people are even harder work at buffets, you have to remind them 3 times that it's help yourself get up and take a fucking plate even if just for show ffs then hey ask what every bowl is TWICE… even though they have NO intention of eating anything but one slice of bread and an olive..

Sugarlightly · 14/08/2016 19:27

wtfdisijustwatch - lots of overweight people have issues with eating in front of people (not saying these people eat more away from company necessarily btw)

Im large and I have struggled with eating in front of people and used to always go for a small portion of food when in a large group of friends so that I didn't look like I was eating too much. It took me a while to get used to eating with new friends and I still find it hard to eat in front of my disordered eating mum and sister

Original poster

goddessoftheharvest · 14/08/2016 19:27

Or else they take only one type of food, but they take ALL of it...

OP posts:

Sugarlightly · 14/08/2016 19:28

Sorry went off on tangent. Things like putting a full portion of food in front of me when I've asked for something smaller make me feel anxious about eating less of it and frustrated that I've not been listened to

spankhurst · 14/08/2016 19:28

God, you are so NBU. I hate this. There's that unspoken criticism too if you're eating a more normal amount of food. It's infantilising: I'm just a teeny tiny little lady so I only need teeny tiny portions! Eff off.

BlueLeopard · 14/08/2016 19:34

Oh I work with someone like this. The rest of them are willing guinea pigs for my baking, and are lovely.
One time I made a cake and all she did was moan about how rich it looked and how chocolate is very filling etc she only wanted a tiny sliver "no no, half that" Massive fuss and served only to make the rest of us feel guilty with our wedge of cake.

So the next time she was salivating yet moaning over a cake I made I did the mumsnet head-tilt and claimed that it had a certain ingredient that she's always banged on that it doesn't agree with her but keeps fucking eating anyway She had no comeback and had to sit there eating her scone miserably while we all gorged on cake.

She learned her lesson on the cake front. Work nights out are a nightmare though - in a large city with a massive array of eateries she will only go to about 2 of the most staid and boring ones. So we always had to have it there. my maternity farewell meal was in a place that she chose, on a night that really didn't suit me at all, at a time that suited only her. Twat.

SandyPantz · 14/08/2016 19:39

you have been listened to, it's just not my priority if I have the task of cutting up a cake to do everyone a bespoke slice, take it - don't take it, eat half, eat a quarter, eat it all… I don't care.

Sativa · 14/08/2016 19:39

A friend of mine had a gastric band fitted and would order a load of food in restaurants, pick at it (it basically looked & was untouched) then ask to take it home in a doggy bag. According to her sister she wouldn't eat it at home and would just throw it away.

But she would encourage the rest of us 'fatties' to eat as much as possible ("have mine, I can't manage it"). She's obsessed with making desserts & cakes for everyone else too.

I preferred her when she was fat and fun. She withdrew from everyone so we don't see her now anyway

SandyPantz · 14/08/2016 19:43

One time I made a cake and all she did was moan about how rich it looked and how chocolate is very filling etc she only wanted a tiny sliver "no no, half that"

It's so annoying, because cake is really easy to slice paper thin?

NeedAScarfForMyGiraffe · 14/08/2016 19:47

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

midcenturymodern · 14/08/2016 19:49

My mother thinks I'm the greediest fucker alive.

"You're never going to eat all that!"

"Two sausages!"

"A whole one!"

I just eat normal food. She orders a starter in a restaurant and goes home and eats a sandwich - made with half a slice of bread, because who could possibly eat a whole slice of bread.

HerdsOfWilderbeest · 14/08/2016 19:52

And also at restaurants when the bread comes round "would you like some"
"Oh goodness no, I want to really enjoy my main meal"
Subtext: if you eat bread you won't enjoy your main course.

StrangeLookingParasite · 14/08/2016 19:55

It's rude because it's a passive aggressive insult.

Exactly. 'Oh I couldn't possibly but you can, you fat bloated pig'
It's so faux dainty.

kinloss · 14/08/2016 20:00

I am sometimes guilty of asking for a small portion of dessert.

I really like savoury stuff. So will happily eat more of a starter or have a second helping of a main course.

I also like quite old-fashioned'desserts made with sour/tart fruirts. Rhubarb crumble rather than say, a cheesecake

With creamy and/or sugary things it's like booze. I don't habitually have that much, so a little can go a long way.

But I get stuck in and enjoy what I eat and would find the 'ooh it's so rich' conversations incredibly irritating.

April241 · 14/08/2016 20:02

At this point I thought fuck it, and gave her an actual tablespoon sized portion. She then proceeded to eat it and half of DDs!

Can't stop laughing! Haven't even read the rest of the thread, brilliant!!

NeedAScarfForMyGiraffe · 14/08/2016 20:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ItsABanana · 14/08/2016 20:06

My MIL does the opposite- massively over-orders then tries to foist it off on me and husband

God, mine does this! Drives me absolutely batty. She'll order too much, and then try and foist it off on us.
She's like Mrs Doyle but with cake.
"Won't you just have a piece of cake? Just this tiny bit? And this? Oh go on, go on, go on, go on......"
No. Feck off.

BlueLeopard · 14/08/2016 20:07

It's so annoying, because cake is really easy to slice paper thin?

Yes and because like someone else says, its attention seeking of them to demand you cut them a bespoke slice. I even offered to let her cut her own but no, that wouldn't create enough of a fuss, you see.

I think the cake was the last straw. Every day is a litany of what she's ate in the last 24 hours and all the things that didn't agree with her. If someone else is discussing food she interrupts and dominates the conversation. One time I went to a sushi restaurant and my colleague was really interested in hearing about it, so I was filling her in. Moany interjects about how much she hates fish and especially the idea of raw fish would turn her stomach, and just went on and on about how disgusting it sounds. Could not get a word in edgeways.

alltouchedout · 14/08/2016 20:10

My mum does this. Also talks at length about how she hardly ever eats anything at all any more (she does) and comments passive aggressively on my appetite. She's always been a bit odd wrt food though, and slightly obsessed with other people's weight. It annoys her no end when women refuse to play the food and weight angst game so I take great pleasure in not doing it :)

StillSmallVoice · 14/08/2016 20:20

Well, I'm a bit embarrassed reading this lot. I think I'm turning into this person. In truth, someone gave me a Fitbit three months ago. I'm getting a bit obsessive about getting the steps in, but a byproduct is that I've become hugely aware of portion sizes. My appetite is smaller and I've lost a stone. I've gone from being obese, to merely overweight.

My point is, though , I don't make an issue of it.

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