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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Aibu to find this utterly infuriating??

430 replies

goddessoftheharvest · 14/08/2016 16:40

Guest at Sunday lunch today. Over the course of the meal

"Oh I couldn't eat all of that... Just a little bit for me thanks. Oh no, that's far too much. Just half of that. Half of that. I wouldn't eat all those potatoes. Could I have that little corner of the meat, that very well done part? That will do for me. Sorry, could i swap my meat for that bit? It looks a bit better done. No, I'll not have any of that, I couldn't manage it. I'll just try a bit off X's plate. Apple pie for afters? I couldn't, I really couldn't. I'll try a tiny bowl I suppose. Just a spoonful"

At this point I thought fuck it, and gave her an actual tablespoon sized portion. She then proceeded to eat it and half of DDs!

I love this relative dearly, but by God she has a weird attitude to food. She isn't fussy and has no allergies, but it's as if enjoying food for what it is is unladylike or something, hence the massive parade over portion sizes etc

Basically you end up spending ages making a nicely cooked and presented meal, only for most of it to be taken up with this warbling on!

Aibu to think this is rude and annoying?

OP posts:
Curlgurl · 14/08/2016 17:27

I also hate male and female sized portions. I'm 5ft6 size 8 and can polish off more than my 6ft4 OH. As proven when I demolished a large dominos the other night after a few drinks and he only managed half

LindyHemming · 14/08/2016 17:29

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

DancingDinosaur · 14/08/2016 17:29

she came over and asked me what the cheese toasties were like because she'd never had one

I would have found it hard not to say, well you have one in your drawer, why not try it? But I guess she has issues so that would probaby be very mean.

KickAssAngel · 14/08/2016 17:30

IT's absolutely a 'thing' that women weren't expected to enjoy food (or sex, or drinking, or proper exercise) and also that they HAD to eat everything that got put on a plate as leaving food was a sin. So, there's this bizarre thing of having to pretend not to want food, but then it would be sinful to leave any.

It's really warped, and just shows how much these social expectations sink in until someone is really stuck between two conflicting idea - they shouldn't like food, but they have to eat all of it.

It's very weird but not unusual, particularly from those brought up around the time of rationing. I remember when cafes used to give out lollipops to kids who ate all their main food, because no-one was allowed to leave anything.

Zaphodsotherhead · 14/08/2016 17:33

Oh my god, the word 'filling'.... as in 'this sandwich/meat/scrambled egg is so filling', whilst pushing it around the plate. If you don't like it, just say so - the dog will be more than grateful!

Food is not 'filling' if you don't eat it! Grrrrr...

LanaorAna1 · 14/08/2016 17:35

Achingly dull and rude. People who comment on food - unless complimenting - are bores of the highest order.

Coconutty · 14/08/2016 17:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BodsAuntieFlo · 14/08/2016 17:37

My MIL used to do the ladies and men's plate thing until she met my SIL. I remember one Christmas MIL served BIL his 'man' size plate at the table. SIL whipped his plate and gave him her 'ladies' portion. It never happened again.

honeyroar · 14/08/2016 17:37

Can't you spin it round on them when they eat other people's food? "Aren't you funny! All that fuss about not being able to manage a normal portion and then you've eaten everybody else's!"

EverySongbirdSays · 14/08/2016 17:40

I have a friend who does this but the opposite to shame me and has done it in public multiple times

SONGBIRD that's massive

SONGBIRD are you going to put all that away?

To the point other people have noticed her do it.

Invariably we have the same amount of food, she finishes hers and I don't

MrsSippy · 14/08/2016 17:41

Oh God, I had a boss like this once, she never wasted good calories on food that could be used for wine.

Her lunch, for a very busy, long day, was a carrot or a couple of tomatoes, but the comments she made about other people's food were just fucking rude, so we all started going out of the office for lunch and she had to stop on her own.

MrsSippy · 14/08/2016 17:43

DS1 GF liberally uses the word 'sickly', as in I can't finish this cheesecake it's too sickly. A well aimed glare usually reigns her in tho'!

EverySongbirdSays · 14/08/2016 17:47

One of family Songbird a kid has the same annoying habit with "sickly", always with sugary things and always with sugary things they have been bought whilst out that they asked for Hmm

bumsexatthebingo · 14/08/2016 17:50

I have a relative like this. Portions herself up tiny amounts. Will have 1 and 1/2 roasties with a roast dinner. I'm sure I've seen her cut a sprout in half as she 'wouldn't be able to manage it'. Always no desert or the tiniest sliver and a real song and dance made about how small her appetite is. Yet she is massively overweight so clearly doesn't have a small appetite at all. It is both annoying and baffling behaviour as she must know everyone knows she only eats like that when others are there Confused

marcopront · 14/08/2016 17:52

I had this conversation with an ex once.

Me: What do you want for dinner?
Him: I'm not hungry, I don't want anything to eat.
Me: I'll just cook for me then.
Him: That's not nice, why wouldn't you cook for your boyfriend?
Me: Hmm

Bluechip · 14/08/2016 17:53

It's so rude to comment on something others have prepared or are eating. And yes! I have a SIL like this - turned down my choice of something to eat 'as I just want something light'. It had a massive choice not all burgers and I met them in a venue where she had a salad and then a huge ice cream dessert!

marcopront · 14/08/2016 17:54

Sorry pressed post too soon.

I cooked, he ate half of it.

This was 15 years ago, it still confuses me.

SleepFreeZone · 14/08/2016 17:54

My mother never wants anything to eat and yet will pretty much eat half of everything I try and serve myself 😁

MrsBobDylan · 14/08/2016 17:55

My file bucks the female only trend in this respect and last week was examining dh's plate and commenting how he couldn't possibly eat such a big portion, it would be way to much for him.

So.Fucking.Irritating.

Peregrina · 14/08/2016 17:58

It's my experience that as I have got older, my appetite has diminished. I find that I am very put off by being presented with a huge plate of food. I would rather ask for a small portion than end up either wasting it or forcing myself to eat it all out of politeness.

I'm like this too. I would much rather have a small portion and ask for seconds if I find I can manage, rather than try to eat it out of politeness, and end up being ill. So I would rather serve myself than have someone else plate up for me, then I can take a small portion without anyone commenting.

catchthetide · 14/08/2016 17:59

Omg my mum does this. Drives me nuts. Also REALLY annoys me when she says something like 'oh well I can't have lunch and if we're eating out tonight'....... occasionally I snap and tell her that it is in fact normal to eat three meals a day! Drives me insane. And reminds me why I grew up to have an eating disorder...

ZigAZigAhh · 14/08/2016 17:59

My DM is very much like this. Swings from having a normal healthy appetite and enjoying the occasional overindulgence to "ooooh no I don't eat that any more", "we haven't eaten pudding in months" (errrr yes you have), "oh I don't like wine/cheese/chocolate any more" (then has a few glasses of wine and demolishes said cheese and chocolate). Also does the man size and lady size portions. I honestly think this played a huge factor in me spending most my teens anorexic.

MIL is similar - I actually hate eating in front of her as she always marvels "how much" I eat (despite continuing to dish me up portions half the size of DH even when breastfeeding/marathon training therefore having a bloody good reason to be hungry (vs couch potato DH)). But no, women don't need to eat much. She also never actually sits and eats with us, just spends ages faffing and playing the martyr and insisting that she dishes our food up/sits down last etc (and will refuse to let anyone help). There's no point trying to wait for her as she will invent excuse after excuse to keep delaying. Unsurprisingly her DD (DSIL) has a completely fucked up approach to food which to me looks like a rampant eating disorder (although this is swept under the carpet and praised as "great willpower" on DSIL's part).

Phew...that felt good Grin

I take great pleasure in eating very heartily around them all and DH and I just enjoy ourselves, get stuck in to the wine and leave the others to their opinions.

BarbaraofSeville · 14/08/2016 18:00

How much were you feeding her? Maybe your portions are large and she can't eat a lot in one go? I would only have one or two roast potatoes on a roast dinner so wouldn't want more putting on the plate because once they've gone on the plate they're either eaten or wasted.

Some people serve up massive portions, and most restaurant and takeaway portions are at least twice what I can comfortably eat. I'm not skinny and love food and don't pretend I eat 'ladies portions' it's just that many people eat an awful lot more than I do.

I certainly couldn't eat a whole afternoon tea in one go and always plan to take a doggy bag - you often get a large scone, or two, and several other cakes - who seriously eats all that in one go?

wizzywig · 14/08/2016 18:01

Can you imagine them having sex? Oh no its ok. Ill be ok. Just a little kiss. Oh not that much.

ZigAZigAhh · 14/08/2016 18:01

catchthetide - I hear you! It's such a fucking dangerous way to behave and I honestly think it is the root cause of so many eating disorders.