toddlers say the strangest things

[Samcro]

ok i don't have a toddler(mine are adults) but everything is so gloomy and dh has put his back out.....so I need a fun thread to read and I LOVE reading the stuff toddlers come out with....so please please share with me(no age limit, to silly stuff)

Well, she's not a toddler, but I'm away for the weekend and I asked my five year old DD on the phone yesterday what fun things they were going to be doing today and she replied, "Going to Booby Head City" before laughing hysterically while my two year old DS shouted "POO!" in the background.

My toddler whilst playing with the house phone last week told me she was texting our neighbour to find out if the spiders were hungry

My nearly 3 year old yesterday told me she was going to "tarantulas" after a good hour of questioning and me thinking I was going mad, she proudly told me tarantula said she could go whenever she wanted. That would be Angela, a lovely old lady we met in the street a fortnight ago!

We went to stay with DM for a few days. She has two black cats. There's also a tabby that comes in and eats their dinner sometimes.

Anyway, DD went in the kitchen on her own when she heard the catflap rattle. She was out there for a moment, then came in looking confused.

"Mummy, I saw [DM's cat] but he was grey and I really want him to be black again!"

Turns out it wasn't DM's cat...

My 3.5 yo DD has had me in absolute stitches today, trying on adult shoes & tottering around new look in these sky high things, making friends with everyone she met. Then trying out make up, smothering her mouth with lipstick then looking in the mirror, saying 'I look beautiful!' and kissing her reflection. A proper tonic.

My 3 year old niece asked me today, 'Are you gran's sister?'
Christ sake, I'm only 39 and my mum is 72! (I didn't say that to her)

Years ago, in Tescos, I asked my little Ds to get a cucumber for the trolley.
He walked back down the aisle with it between his legs saying 'I've got a big willy like daddy!' I wanted the floor to swallow me up

DD, when she was 2, carefully examining DH's significantly receding hairline:

"Daddy, your hair is missing. We has to find it for you."

Followed by very serious concerned look. 😂

DD (3) loves the Disney film Cinderella but can't quite say Bibbity Bobbity Boo clearly yet . . . instead it comes out as Bitty Botty de BOOOO which is the most adorable thing ever. She's also started saying And Away at the start too (no idea why!)

3 year old DD asked me why j had boobies. So obviously I explained they were used to feed her as a baby, just like other animals.

She pipes up "but daddy has them too, big ones. Does he use them to feed himself?"

Me and ds's went out for a big family meal at a lovely posh restaurant where ds2, aged 2, turned to the table of elderly diners behind him pointed furiously at them and shouted 'No pork pie for you'

My mum asked my 2 year old what she had been doing today so far and she replied that the living room has fallen down and the spider had gone on holiday . We'd actually spent a nice morning painting in he garden but apparently that was irrelevant to her!

She also asked my dh auntie if she had a baby in her tummy too like mummy does good job she is not an easily offended woman!

Oh and out in central London the other day with dd and dh and a man brushed past my dd who was being carried by dh. Dd shouted "go away you smelly bum farty pants!" I had to get a bit cross and tell her we don't shout at people like that and a polite greeting is "hello".

I asked my son if he wanted ghetti (spaghetti).

He came over to me and very dramatically said whilst emphasising with Italian esque gestures...

No mummy it's SPAG- GHET- TI

Then nodded in reinforcement and walked off.

He's 2.

My 3 year old has started giving big dramatic sighs and saying in a crosse tone "you'll be the death of me." Clearly I use that phrase a lot!

Geordiegirl79 I'm on a packed train, crying with laughter at your story I think it's the word poo, it gets me every time hahahahahaha

DS (6) so not a toddler by any means, asked me how quick Michael Felt Tips could swim a length this afternoon. He also refers to the forthcoming Ghostbusters remake as Goosebumps

My 2.5 year old said to me the other day "Mummy I frightened of you. I running away". I was literally doing nothing at the time and it came out the blue. Luckily I caught her saying the same thing to DH so it's not a reflection on my shoddy parenting.

When she's not threatening to leave home she is stroking my face saying "I luffs your skin it's so soft" or "I luffs your hair it's soooo dangly"

Which makes me suspicious

Oh and she doesn't like our dark hallway because it's "smooky"

Place marking. I fucking love these threads.

DS 2.5 has become very interested in the portaloo our neighbours have on the road at the moment. He keeps asking to go and visit it (no) and yesterday whispered "mummy, I just love the portaloo" on our way past. No idea why.

My DS 3 1/2 keeps saying 'don't you think about it ' and came back from his dad's shouting 'take that sucker'

Ds (3) said to dh the other day 'daddy why does mummy have a secret with the postman? She says I can't tell you.'

I have absolutely no idea what he was talking about. I don't even know who our postman is but dh now thinks I'm having an affair

DD: Here's a present, mummy
Me: A baby bottle! Maybe this could be for dolly?
DD: No, it's for you. It's actually a wine bottle.

😳

Not something said but done.

Ds1 decided the Misermatic gas fire was too hot to walk past so he got the wicker waste bin and put it on his head to shield him from the heat.

Didn't like to point out the obvious flaw in his plan

DD nearly 2 is currently making me chuckle everytime the Finding Dory advert comes on, simply by saying 'Righteous' like the wee surfer turtle dude.