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Original poster

toddlers say the strangest things

165 replies

Samcro · 16/07/2016 09:46

ok i don't have a toddler(mine are adults) but everything is so gloomy and dh has put his back out.....so I need a fun thread to read and I LOVE reading the stuff toddlers come out with....so please please share with me(no age limit, to silly stuff)

OP posts:
ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 16/07/2016 20:55

Excellent for spooning that's brilliant Grin

Mozartinmyfanjo · 16/07/2016 20:56

My 3.5 DS recently told CM when l was picking him up that: "daddy does smelly bubbles all the time and leaves poo crumbs in bed".

When he was about 2 he went through the faze of pointing at random men and asking really loud: "mummy is this my daddy?" and once he asked the neighbour: "are you my daddy?". No idea why he did that.

ThreeFrazzledFandangos · 16/07/2016 20:58

I was eating cauliflower and DS point blank refused to try it even though he loves brocolli.

MiL told him it was White brocolli and he went all Mavis Riley and said "Well, I've never seen that before" before wolfing it down.

bastedyoungturkey · 16/07/2016 20:59

DD is three and a half and she was having some minor troubles with some craft materials. I caught her muttering 'Jesus Christ' under her breath.

Hopelass · 16/07/2016 21:03

DS is 2.8. When we had a brief spell of warm and weather he was rolling around the back garden yelling "I'VE MADE SPACE CHEESE"
I've no idea what space cheese is or how he was making it Confused

Playduh · 16/07/2016 21:03

We had a blinder today. DS and his little friend were stood talking to each other very seriously for a moment or two.

They both walked up to me and other child's mum.

DS said 'mummy, we're adopted!'

After investigation we realised they actually meant 'we stopped it.' Meaning the toy car they were playing with.

AnneGables · 16/07/2016 21:04

I've told this story before but it's a good un.

Dsd was 5 at the time, I asked her where she had been today. 'I can't remember the name but it's like a campsite for dead people, where you put flowers' Grin.

Ds age 3 'can I play with daddies medicine?' Hmm he meant his tablet.

paddypants13 · 16/07/2016 21:14

Mozart - We were once in a shop queueing to pay. There was me, dd and dh. There was a bloke in front of us and my dd pointed at the poor man and said "that's my daddy!" I said don't be silly, your daddy is behind you!" Luckily, the man thought it was funny and just said " I've got 4 children at home, I can't cope with another!"

She also used to point at random men in the street and shout daddy. I got a few evils from girlfriends!

BikeRunSki · 16/07/2016 21:14

DD is a bit older at 4, but is convinced that caterpillars come our of their cocoons as chickens. Then exactly 2 weeks later the chickens wake up as butterflies. She has convinced everyone in her room at nursery.

DoopDoopBiscuit · 16/07/2016 21:22

DD is almost 2 and doesn't speak very clearly yet or link many words together.

This morning she was just waking up and I heard her stirring over the monitor. She's very clingy with me at the moment I'm making the most of it as she's usually a daddy's girl and has been shouting "mummy's mummy's mummy's until I go and get her. But today as clear as day she calmly said "knock knock knock come in mummy!" It was so sweet and made me laugh even though it was 6am!

WankersHacksandThieves · 16/07/2016 21:24

My friend's sister is partially deaf. At about age 10 her daughter asked her what tentacles were. Friend's sister, gave an explanation using the words "snakey" and "suckers" and others in a similar vein. Only to notice daughter sitting looking Shock Confused . Turns out she'd said testicals (they'd recently been doing sex education at school). :o

Motherofatruck · 16/07/2016 21:29

I'd been gardening and was in need of a shower. Trying to coax my 2yr old DS to come upstairs with me so I could keep an eye on him, I explained that I was a bit smelly and needed a wash.
Now, every time I'm showering, he dramatically paces the hallway remarking "oh no! Mummy smelly again!" Blush

He was also infatuated with the word penis for a while.
"Look mummy, my penis on my car"
"Mummy got a penis?"
"Mummy need to clean my penis. Got poo on it"

Delightful child Grin

Trinpy · 16/07/2016 21:32

The other day we were standing outside the hospital when a woman came hobbling out on crutches. Ds(2) started pointing at her and yelling 'arrrgh mummy look - lady's coming! Laaaady's cooooming! Quick, mummy, RUN!' The poor woman looked so shocked Blush.

woodenmouse · 16/07/2016 21:33

If ds1 (2.9) is being naughty and then laughing I say that's not funny I'm not laughing. The other day he did something naughty then stopped looked at me and said that's not funny you're not laughing
I had to try really hard not to laugh.

I actually keep a note book of all the funny things he comes out with because he's so hilarious!

Trinpy · 16/07/2016 21:37

Oh and Motherofatruck's post has just reminded me of one from today:

Ds: (urgently) mummy, my willy! My willy!
Me: what about it?
Ds: my willy mummy!
Me: yes, ds, what about your willy?
Ds: my willy - it's in my nappy!
Me: yes that's right
Ds: OK, mummy Confused

working9to5WAWTMAL · 16/07/2016 21:51

My son was 2 and was fascinated by the full moon that he'd seen one night, as they tend to be at that age. One evening he toddled to the window and shouted hysterically 'oh no mama, da moon is broken!' I went over to see a beautiful half moon in the sky. Was the funniest cutest thing ever.

LittleGreyCatwithapinkcollar · 16/07/2016 22:04

15mo DD having lunch in the garden with dh and fil. I'm inside and all I can hear is her shouting 'pops, dogcock!' repeatedly. Turns out her pops always gives her chocolate after her lunch! She also pronounces drink as dick. Not at all embarrassing in the booze aisle in Morrison's...

Thingsthatmakeugoummmm · 16/07/2016 22:13

When my son was three he was convinced he used to be a duck. This actually went on for a few years! We used to go to a local lake and he would 'reminisce' about he his life as a duck!

When he was three, He was having grommets when the gorgeous consultant asked me if there was anything else he needed to know. My son was grabbing my top shouting "tell him, tell him" I politely said I would tell him later when he angrily shouted "tell him I used to be a duck!" The consultant was not fazed and told my sin that he would make a note of this! A year later we went to Caribbean. There was a man carving animals out of wood. Of course, my son bought a duck and calmly told the man that it reminded him of his brother. He went on to explain how stressful it was when no one brought them bread!

10storeylovesong · 16/07/2016 22:23

This reply has been withdrawn

Withdrawn at poster's request

greatscott81 · 16/07/2016 22:28

DD had been particularly difficult in settling for bed (age 3). She insisted I come back upstairs to pass her some books (despite bookcase being next to her bed and she was meant to be asleep anyway). I placed a few books on her bed in quite a disgruntled fashion as I didn't want to engage with her (she was very sleepy and wanted them as a comfort more than anything). Lying there, she looked me in the eye and said in a perfectly supercilious tone "you'll break them". I obviously say that to her a lot . . .

KathyBeale · 16/07/2016 22:36

Absolutely crying at the duck. So sweet.

unimagmative13 · 16/07/2016 22:41

Just laughed out loud at the duck!

FasterThanASnakeAndAMongoose · 16/07/2016 22:42

We had to go to the sorting office the other day. I told my 2 year old that we should look out for Postman Pat. We didn't see him sadly, although we saw his van. As we got back to the car dd wistfully said "Don't be sad about Postman Pat Mummy. I expect he's just in his helicopter waking up all the bats today. What a naughty man is Postman Pat!"

Also in the supermarket recently she loudly exclaimed "Don't forget to buy your happy pear juice Mummy! Or you might be sad!" I blame Dh for coaching her. For the record, I'm very fond of the alcohol free pear cider, as I felt that need to loudly explain to dd, for the benefit of the other shoppers and their judgey pants.

FloatyFlo · 16/07/2016 22:43

Got home after a walk out with DD. She is 2. I couldn't find my keys. Whilst I was rummaging in my bag I said 'oh no DD, I can't find my keys.' She replied 'Fucking hell'. Blush

SingingMyOwnSpecialSong · 16/07/2016 22:56

17 month old DD gives a cheeky grin and declares 'bottom burp' if she farts. She is obsessed with gravel but it sounds like she is saying tadpole. I often get ordered to 'sit down mummy!' if I am doing chores in the kitchen while she eats or when she want a breastfeed.

I asked a 4-year-old I looked after to pick up his lego with me as we were going out. He responded 'i'm not built for picking up bricks.' I gave him a look and he began picking up bricks.