toddlers say the strangest things

[Samcro]

ok i don't have a toddler(mine are adults) but everything is so gloomy and dh has put his back out.....so I need a fun thread to read and I LOVE reading the stuff toddlers come out with....so please please share with me(no age limit, to silly stuff)

DS (3): daddy, where you going?
DH: work
DS: work AGAIN!! Work is so ANNOYING!

The other day i asked DS to start picking up his toys, his reply "are you kidding me again?"

"No, I'm not kidding you!"

Ds (3) doesn't say forgot he say got-fuh, and the other day he was watching videos on YouTube with dp and said he was 'knackered of this put cartoons on' proud of him for using a big word in the right way but in the wrong situation though

Maybebabybee Sat 16-Jul-16 19:56:52
Place marking. I fucking love these threads.

you and me both. I love them.......(((need gran kids emotion)))

Not what he said, but what he did!....
My nephew was about 4 & round at mine with family for lunch, I was making coffees in the kitchen & asked him for some help...
Me - can u put out the coasters next to people for the hot drinks..
Nephew - what are coasters?..
Me - the square flowery pattern things in that cupboard to put under the hot cups on the table..
Nephew - oh yes, I know where they are...

....he proceded to put individually wrapped sanitary towels under peoples cups & telling them to throw them away when they were finished as there was packets & packets of them in auntys cupboard....😳😳😳

I was trying to unpack and put away groceries yesterday with my 3 year old chattering away, he asked for a drink of water and I said yes, if he could just hang on a minute and carried on playing fridge Jenga. A minute or so later I noticed he had the bottom of my shirt in a vice like grip. The little voice piped up, "mummy, I'm hanging on, is it enough yet?".

I asked my three year old to go put the puzzle pieces back in the box. She huffed and puffed but said "okay fine mummy" came back two minutes later with her hands behind her back. "I can't tidy up mummy, my hands have disappeared!"

My Dbro told his niece off for something one time. She turned around and scolded "if I hear one more word from you, you will be going in that room!"

I love the thought of a 3yo putting my 6ft tall brother in time out.

Facebook memories reminded me of this the other day - DS1 a few years back, he was probably almost 3. I was chasing him, tickling, and threatened to eat his toes if I caught him. He screeched back 'noooo don't eat my toes, they've been on the floor!!'

My dd is only 17 months but "cat, go, nooooooo!" is quite common.

Oh another cracker from DS1 ages ago - he was walking around the living room looking for something, around repeating over and over 'where's the fuckin troller? where's the fuckin troller?'

I thought he was basically saying where's the f-ing remote control, and was about to have a panic attack about him swearing aged 3 when his dad clued me in that he was actually looking for the Fat Controller.. I have this on video because he said it so many times that I recorded it, and just had a giggle re-watching it.

My 3 year old daughter, can do and say some pretty morbid things, yesterday she turned a conversation about why pulling hair is bad, into why she's not allowed to pull people's heads off.
This is after last week, when she actually tried to saw her little brothers head off with a play saw, as he drank her drink which she handed to him

My son isn't a toddler, he is six. He is severely autistic with limited speech but still manages to be funny and embarrassing. The main thing is in to at the moment is his Leapreader human body set and has memorised every part which has lead to some weird conversations.

We were out walking and he was singing, an older lady stopped and said to him he was cute, he gave her a big smile and said 'I like intestines' which got a very confused look! He also likes to hold people's hands and just when they are saying how nice that is he will point to their arm and say 'veins' or 'arteries'.

I keep showing him Finding Dory posters at the moment as I am hoping to attempt taking him to the cinema to see it if they put it on the special autism showings. So there have been a lot of occasions when I have been cheerfully pointing out 'Nemo' and 'Dory' on the posters only for him to put my hand back on each fish to correct me to 'clown fish' and 'royal blue tang' which amuses a lot of people. He loves the Finding Nemo DVD as he is very into fish but really can't accept that these ones have names.

My 2 year old daughter very excitedly told me today that she really wants to go on a potty train after hearing us discussing potty training over the holidays

I have SPD that didn't go away after my youngest was born and am in constant pain. Walking up a hill at the nature reserve today DD (2 and a half) says "it's OK mummy, I got you"
She is funny.

She also looked confused at one of DS1s school teachers the other week and asked her why she had mummy's extra legs. (She was on crutches)

2yo dd:

Dd:mummy, you're so beautiful and so cool
Me: thank you sweetheart
Dd: I've got another joke...

We were driving down the beach and passed my grandad sitting in his car yesterday (he's late 70s). My eldest dd said 'oh there's grandad' and my three year old went 'actuallyyy!!! this is grandads favourite song' it was Galantis, No Money that was playing 😂

We were in the living room yesterday and I was giving my six year old in to trouble and my three year old piped up 'OKAY exasperated, calm down HEN' 😂we are Scottish but we never say hen ever.

I was walking my dog through town today when a small boy possibly 3 saw her. He was sat on his dad's shoulders looking around and did a true double take then just stared.

My dog is a white fluffy mutt. About the size of a large labrador.

So little boy doesn't take his eyes off my dog and just goes "dad dad dad dad dad dad dad"

:"what Alex? ? "

"But daaaaaaaaad there's a polar bear behind us!"

DD(7): Mum, what's your favourite film?
Me: let me think...
DD: is it Pride and Juice?

We still have a good giggle at it every now and again.

My son once told me he wished his bum was at the front. When I queried this desire he explained "so I could poo standing up".
My daughter a pink-a-holic (which I've not encouraged). A few days ago I called Miss Blue Eyes. She cried and was adamant her eyes are pink.

Today my 3.5yo dd asked if she was allowed hot meals. She gets a hot meal pretty much every day so I don't know where the question came from

Looking at a field of horses in an attempt to distract a tantrumming toddler:

Me: Oh wow, look, what can I see?
DS: NOOOOTHING
Me: Oooh look, yes I see something, look, three lovely, brown horses....
DS: They're not horses mummy, they're RHINOS!!

He couldn't understand why I was laughing. Petulance at its best

Also months ago,

DS - where are my daddy?
Me - where is your daddy? He's stud at work, sweetheart.
DS - stuck?!? Mummy, we need to go and pop him out.

I think he thought his dad was physically jammed in a tight space unable to leave and needed help to get free.

Stud???

Stuck, he's stuck......not stud, thanks autocorrect.