toddlers say the strangest things

[Samcro]

ok i don't have a toddler(mine are adults) but everything is so gloomy and dh has put his back out.....so I need a fun thread to read and I LOVE reading the stuff toddlers come out with....so please please share with me(no age limit, to silly stuff)

Dh has just been getting 2 yo dd ready for bed. She said she wanted to work with him in his shop tomorrow (he doesn't work in a shop but anyway!). Dh asked her what she sells in her shop and she said "your bum".

I poured 2yo dd some smoothie and went to do a couple of dishes.
Upon returning I found her covered literally head to toe in it and she quite sheepishly said:
"I drinked it out my hand".

Same dd regularly sighs and says "oh my feet are killing me"

My niece once told a rather portly friend of my sister's that he "must have 6 babies in his belly".

After my 3yo's pre-school immunisations...

Her: What did that lady have in her hand?
Me: A needle.
Her: She wasn't very careful with it!

DS 18months has a good few words- they don't all sound perfect.
Biscuit is 'dic dic' and he shouts it in the supermarket and at nursery.
Like the little girl above clock is 'cock'

His current new word is 'tit' - we can't work out what it means but he says it a lot. DH is very amused by it which makes DS giggle and say it more. DH is an excellent male role model

He does have other words which are not rude.

When youngest Dsis was little my teenage Dbro announced he was going out on a date. Dsis looked at him in shock and said " you need to go in the fridge before you go out of date!".
She also used to wash her hands to get the "Germans" off of them.

The most embarrassing though wad when she found some of my Mum's Ann Summers items - she put a (thankfully new) cock ring on her fingers and started to brush her hair with it. Mum was both in stitches and mortified all at once!

Ds2 used to say 'farty pop' which has got distorted into 'party pop'.

DS 2, looking up at a vapour trail - Mummy, I want that line in the sky for my birthday.
On seeing a horse in a blanket - WOW, a green horse!
DS 1 - Mummy, you haven't got a hairstyle...
Wood lice were always wood licences ( still are )

DD has "fingle nails"

Dd this morning:

"Mummy I've got flowers in my throat, they're making me cough!"

My DS told the childminder that:

"My mummy poos in the garden".

For the record, I don't.

I had to come back for this! This am DS(6)'s teacher asked him ifnhe had a nice weekend. He said 'Yes. We went swimming but Mummy has her period so she stayed out in case sharks ate her'. I did not say that. I do not have my period. I went swimming.

My DS is 3 and one morning recently said in a sad tone "oh the ghost is gone now." When I asked him what he was talking about he said "the ghost in the dark dark. Mister ghost man nice."
I can only hope we have been reading the Funny Bones series with him too often and our house isn't actually haunted

Earthbound that is brilliant. I did a proper snorty laugh into my coffee!

Upon watching a FB video of someone stroking an owl, DD aged 3 solemnly informed me, "We don't eated the owl, it's yucky."