toddlers say the strangest things

[Samcro]

ok i don't have a toddler(mine are adults) but everything is so gloomy and dh has put his back out.....so I need a fun thread to read and I LOVE reading the stuff toddlers come out with....so please please share with me(no age limit, to silly stuff)

My grandmother's 2nd husband was late 80s and completely bald. Aged no more than 3, a niece who was sitting on his lap, said, 'You've got no hair!'

'No,' he said. 'Where's it gone?'

She thought a moment: 'Up to Jesus?'

"I need to go to the hospital tomorrow because my booby is itching"

DD when she was 3, watching me put on my bra:
"Mum ... I guess another name for a bra could be 'booby trap'?"

Is this what i have to look forward to when ds enters the toddler years? Oh heaven help me

I called DS (who's just turned 2) a 'mini dictator' this morning... He just laughed and said 'funny' in the most perfect sarcastic tone. I think I'm quite proud!

GETTING I love that!! So sweet, both of them!

My DH was sorting dinner for our 2DD and the youngest (3 1/2) asked him to get some ketchup, just as he had sat down. DH muttered something along the lines of "You've certainly got your mother's genes" to which she replied "No Daddy, I've got these lovely horsey leggings".

DS used to call bald men babies when he was younger I remember Stewart Bingham coming on the TV and he said "mum, look! A baby!"
He will forever be known as Baby Bingham

My ds is 4 now and speaks like a little grown up but very occasionally makes a mistake such as the reflection (infection) in his finger this week. The funniest one ever was when he had us puzzled because he wanted 'a Mexican doctor' for his birthday. No idea what this was, we would ask him, he'd seen it on the tv apparently. Turns out it was Mr Conductor from dinosaur train!

Pussy... He is 15 months and I have no idea what he means as he's very matter of fact when saying it

My little niece, having been queen of the castle for five years, was not best pleased at the prospect of a new sibling. She grudgingly admitted that a sister would be just about acceptable, and announced that she would name her Rose. "Nettle," she judged suitable for a brother.

According to ds (2 1/2). When he grows up he will be man with a big penis and nose hair

At a wedding a few weeks ago my 4 year old and his cousin disappear then reappear holding hands saying they had decided to get married today too.

Can't stop laughing at Mexican Doctor

My cousin when she was about 3/4 used to always wear these little clasps in her hair but they'd always fall out, my aunt was forever saying "Come here and i'll put your clasp in".

My cousin obviously heard this so often that she thought thats what it was called, she'd walk up to people holding her clasp saying "can you put my claspin in mine hair?" she's 18 now, no recollection of "claspin"

My DD is in her 20s now, but when she was about 8, we were watching one of those nature documentaries where the animals are contractually obliged to bonk at least once per programme. A pair of ducks were at it on the screen when she asked, "Mummy, do people mate the same as ducks?" I swallowed hard and said, "Well, yes, pretty much..."
Her - "Does the daddy always go on top?"
Me (beginning to perspire) - "Well, yes, usually..."
Her - "Isn't he heavy?" Then, before I could think of an answer, she turned round, gave me the most beautiful smile, and said, "I expect you've forgotten, haven't you?" Then went back to the programme. I retired to the kitchen to regain my composure.

DD(2)'s hat was threatening to blow away in the wind today so I offered to sew some elastic on to keep it on her head.
"No mummy, sticky tape!"

DD1 (4) sniffed me this evening and told me I smelled like honey. She then proceeded to tell me that everyone smells different: the baby smells like my computer, DH smells like my teddy bear blanket which smells like a book that was on the floor, and she smells like poop, even though she's learning to wipe her bottom by herself. So that's nice.

DD2 (2) gave me a cuddle the other day and said "I love you, Dad".

When my daughter was 3 we were all heading out for dinner at the local pub. As we locked the front she completely randomly said "I.hope Daddy doesn't run off with a black man"
To this day I have no idea where she hears the phrase as we wouldn't ever say it.

Cuppa, my parents always used to say that to me when I was little and it always left me feeling puzzled.

Me: where's dad?
Mum: he's ran off with a black woman

A few years ago my then 3 year old asked for chocolate. I explained that his sister was unwell (tummy bug) and it wasn't fair to give him chocolate to eat in front of her when she couldn't have any.

He looked st ne like I was the stupidest creature on earth and said "well I will eat it behind her then!!!"

Ds (2) was being patient in the car during a journey. DH said, "are you ok, my poppet?" The response came back: "yes, I alright. I just picking my nose."

Also, playing with a kitchen roll tube:

"Dis my sword! I gonna sword you mummy!"
'Don't sword mummy, she's cooking your dinner'
"Alright I will sword daddy then, he does nuffink'.