toddlers say the strangest things

[Samcro]

ok i don't have a toddler(mine are adults) but everything is so gloomy and dh has put his back out.....so I need a fun thread to read and I LOVE reading the stuff toddlers come out with....so please please share with me(no age limit, to silly stuff)

My son is now 3 and he loves Jake and the Never land pirates. He likes to play that he's Jake and I'm Cubby. Except when he says Cubby it sounds just like Chubby. So we'll be at the park and he shouts "Come here Chubby and help me look for treasure"
I am a size 20 and most definitely Chubby!

My 2 year old DD who I was still breastfeeding exclaiming "there's two of them!" as I pulled my nighty over my head.

When DS first grasped that boys and girls were made differently, he couldn't distinguish gender at all by appearance. So he would stomp up to random strangers in the park and ask them, "Do you have a penis?"

My 3 year olds joke...

What do you call a smart dinosaur?

A cleverasaurus! Haha

Niggit

Great thread, excellent distraction!

Sat at table with DD and DS discussing favourite drinks. They decide they love milkshake. I said when I was your age I lived strawberry milkshake. DS pipes up with "and now you love wine"

sleeponeday ive just cried laughing at your post

DS2 age 2 and a half to his brother...

"Twaig!! will you shut that futtin door!"

An ex colleague was fastening his 3 year old into a car seat into a car seat in a supermarket car park and was met with cries of "Don't tie me up Daddy, I don't like it".
The same child also had form for asking not to be locked in a cupboard, meaning he didn't want the door shut on the toilet when using a public loo.
If social services had ever heard him . . .

My 17 month old is just learning to say words. Our 'conversation' this evening:

Me: Can you say Mummy?
DS: Mummy
Me: Can you say pasta?
DS: Pasta
Me: Can you say lion?
DS: ROARRRRRRRRRR!

When attempting to potty train my ds one summer, I watched him toddle up the garden path with no pants on, pooing as he walked.
He turned, spotted it and said, 'Oh no, there's a dog poo on the path'.
We don't even have a dog.

Dd (2yo)

"I love my daddy. He's adorable. Like a penguin."

Me: do you love me?
DS(3): I find it hard to love people who are annoying.

He also calls ninja turtles "minge-a turtles".

Also once when I got dumped he was sat watching tv whilst I was on the phone to a friend. He grabbed the phone & said "No one wants her" very matter of fact.
Thanks kid.

When my dd was little ( she's 28 now ) she didn't like the Hoover and every time we got it out to hoover she would shout way way meaning put it away ! Funny now all these years later the Hoover is known as the way way in our house.

NC as extremely outing to anyone who knows me. My 2yo loves Minions but can't pronounce the word - this led to him refusing to go to bed one night and standing up bellowing "MINGE!!!" over and over. If we see Minions-related things out and about, he excitedly shouts "MINGE!!!", he likes to play with his "MINGE!! BALL!!" or, in a particular low, he requested to watch the mini-movie "MINGE!! MADNESS!!"

Not a toddler, but my 11 yr old asked me what spooning was last week. I sat her down and gave her a very tasteful, age-appropriate explanation. She promptly got up and went to the kitchen and came back looking even more confused, and holding out the tub of sour cream with "excellent for spooning" written on the side.

Also the other day I was doing a bit of performance parenting in front of my very stuck up nana & I said "did you have a good day at nursery DS?"

To which he replied "no I was bored SHITLESS"

I don't even use that term!

My son (6) said to me the other day after a facts-of-life conversation: 'That's not right at all. For a start, there's no way a willy could fit in a vagina. And if that's what had to happen, there would never be any babies born'.

In a crowded clothes shop today my 2.5 dd points to my pregnant belly and shouts 'mummy tummy too big!'

She likes to cuddle a lot- she sits next to me, strokes my hair and tells me I'm a 'good boy' over and over again (she does love dogs!)

We were recently at a safari park and they had lots of life sized dinosaurs that moved and made loud noises- dd was scared of them and woke up that night shouting 'dinedoos (dinosaurs) eat me!' I'm not sure where she got that idea from!

DS told me today that he 'wants to meet Darth Maul, but not tomorrow'. I'm none the wiser.

He also shouted 'I have sausages and Star Wars' at a random bloke in Asda

A few weeks ago ds 3 wouldn't go near his dad, so I asked him why. 'Daddy is naughty, he dressed up like a tiger at Halloween and scared me, go away you naughty daddy'. Dp was actually in hospital at Halloween and to my knowledge has never dressed up as a tiger!

When DD was about 20 months old we were sitting in a restaurant and she was colouring with crayons. She dropped some in the ground just as the waitress was walking past, she called to the waitress 'lady pick up my crayons' we nearly died. You would of thought she was part of the royal family.

I'm a bit gutted DD has recently stopped calling it 'head fore' in stead of 'forehead', but she says 'horefed' now instead so that's ok.
We've still got 'eyeflashes' and 'eyebrowns' instead of eyelashes and eyebrows though