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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

to insist dd, 16, gets a job?

262 replies

flowersandsunshine · 08/07/2016 13:11

DD has just finished GCSEs - well, actually about 3 weeks ago now. She'll be going to the sixth form in Sept. I let her have the first 2 weeks of holiday off to hang out with her bf and go to prom, but would now like her to get a job. She has no plans for the summer at all - friends are going on family or friends holidays, doing NCS or working. She has refused to join us on the family holiday (so I can't go either as don't think she's old enough to leave on her own for 10 days yet) and won't do NCS.

I understand she's worked hard (ish) for GCSEs and deeserves a break but AIBU to expect her to do something other than see her bf every day? She keeps asking me for money to go out every day. I've now said no, until she gets - or at least tries to get - a job. I don't expect it to take up the whole holidays - I at saidleast 2 weeks, so she gets some money and work experience.

Even if her bf has a job lined up and is doing work experience now - dd just plays computer games/is on social media/paints her nails till he's finished and then goes out with him!

So - am I being really mean and horrible here, or should dd just have a go and get a job? Should add I live in area with lots of jobs - a bus ride from 3 towns with jobs plus commutable to London (where dh commutes everyday despite dd refusing to even contemplate such a thing!).

OP posts:
abbinobb · 08/07/2016 13:14

I think commuting to London for a holiday job for a 16 year old is a bit much but yanbu to ask her to get a job. Maybe just a weekend job then she can keep it when she's back at school/college?

purplefox · 08/07/2016 13:15

Where do you expect her to get a 2 week job from?

lastqueenofscotland · 08/07/2016 13:16

I think you are not unreasonable to not be per personal ATM, but a small allowance is reasonable, and if she wants more to seek employment.

Commuting at 16 is way ott though

tupperwareAARGGH · 08/07/2016 13:17

I'm sorry I can't get passed the she's refusing to go on holiday so now you aren't part!! WTF!!

She really should have started long before now for a summer job tbh. No-ones going to employ her for 2 weeks anyway. I certainly wouldn't be giving her money every day though.

SirChenjin · 08/07/2016 13:17

YANBU to ask her to get a job at all - but if she continues to refuse then do not hand her a penny. Or - make her work in the house and garden for her pocket money? Or could she do some voluntary work?

usual · 08/07/2016 13:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

sonlypuppyfat · 08/07/2016 13:18

It's taken me a year of nagging to get DS to get a job, it's not so much the money it's just watching him mope about the house. He volunteers once a week taking older people shopping which I'm proud of

Foxyloxy1plus1 · 08/07/2016 13:18

I don't think you're being mean and horrible, but I do think that summer jobs will have been mostly snapped up by now, as exams finished a while ago. There'll be A level and university people too.

Why won't/can't she do NCS? I don't see why she can't make a contribution to the household by doing some jobs around the house, especially if you're missing out on a family holiday as well.

SirChenjin · 08/07/2016 13:19

Hag on - I missed the bit about you not going on the family holiday Shock Are you mad??!

Birdsgottafly · 08/07/2016 13:20

"""She has refused to join us on the family holiday (so I can't go either as don't think she's old enough to leave on her own for 10 days yet) and won't do NCS. ""

That's the bit that you should have sorted out, tbh.

I don't think she should have to 'commute' for a temp job, unless you are short of money.

ErNope · 08/07/2016 13:20

You trust her to hold down employment and travel into london alone daily but don't trust her in your house for 10 days?? can you not pay a family/friend to pop in and check on her? thats all you need at most... but, you didn't ask for advice on that so we'll swiftly move on Grin
YANBU to make her get a job.
Do it now before being unemployed becomes a habit/the norm. when it comes to uni/college she'll find it lots easier to manage part time employment/full time in holidays (therefore support herself better)
she needs to build a good work ethic quickly, even if its just with a small entry level min wage job. trust me when I say it'll see her well for the future (I wish my mum had prepared me well in such a way, instead I had no idea about much of anything...)
also, I know you didn't ask about this (trying to be helpful but do feel free to tell me to piss off!) but sit her down and help her budget with her first pays, even if its just for small things, whether you charge her rent (I personally would, just a token amount, if you feel bad secretly save it for her for when she moves out/needs a rental deposit/hits hard times for whatever reasons, but thats down to you) help her manage money and employment now so she isn't totally hopeless as a young person living independently when the time comes

Floralnomad · 08/07/2016 13:21

I also think you are being a bit unreasonable , jobs for 16 year olds are hard to find and she will need to commit for longer than a fortnight , unless you envisage her going fruit picking which frankly is really hard work for crap money and I wouldn't expect my DC to do a job that I wouldn't do . I also find it bizarre that you are happy for her to commute into London but don't trust her to stay home alone whilst you holiday .

MaisieDotes · 08/07/2016 13:23

DD is 15, she's "employed" by me 7.5hrs a week helping me with her two baby brothers.

It's 10.30am to 12pm every day which means she's out of bed at 10.29. This is the important part as it drives me mad when she's in bed all day and up all night.

She has various other chores to do at the weekend, hoovering and so on. I give her €30 a week for the lot.

Original poster
flowersandsunshine · 08/07/2016 13:24

About the summer holiday bit, I'm finishing an MA (dissertation due Sept) so am happy to stay. Seriously, though, there's no way I'd leave a 16-year-old in our (rented) house alone for 10 days! Am a bit amazed at those of you who would!

OP posts:
ErNope · 08/07/2016 13:24

by the way, my post is on the assumption you want her to get a part time/weekend/flexible job that she can keep up through uni/college.
if you expect her to just get temp work for the sake of it, YABU.

Original poster
flowersandsunshine · 08/07/2016 13:25

And about the commuting into London, she could go in with dh. I commuted into London for my first job at 15, so it doesn't seem such a big deal to me. Those of you who seemed shocked at this, why is that? We're in Greater London - it's not that far.

OP posts:
EdmundCleverClogs · 08/07/2016 13:28

Are there jobs going for 16 year olds? You can't sneeze these days without 2+ years experience in blowing your nose, so am not sure a 16 year old holds much chance of a two week job. If I'm totally honest, I'd give her a break - she's just had a few stressful months with GCSEs, and A levels are pretty full on from the start. These will be the last few weeks of relaxing like kids do, soon she will be an adult with responsibilities.

Why don't you help her with practical advice this summer, show her how to write a decent cv, talk through entry job levels, by next summer she may be excited to work (plus she may want driving lessons this time next year, which is a great incentive).

RamblingFar · 08/07/2016 13:29

Where is she going to get a job from, as a teenager with little experience/qualifications that only lasts 2-4 weeks?

I manage to get a summer job as a supply teacher each year, but I apply by May and have experience and qualifications. I also have a car, otherwise I wouldn't be able to get to most of the jobs offered. I earn minimum wage, and to be honest - lunch, petrol, training and clothing costs eat up most of my pay for the summer.

I would have thought references and paperwork would take a couple of weeks to go though, even if she signed up to a temp agency.

Original poster
flowersandsunshine · 08/07/2016 13:30

Good idea Maisie.

Do you all think a 2 week job is so impossible? My brother has actually offered her just that but she refuses to do it as it is so far (and she has a point - it's about 1.5 hours away).

But do temp office jobs not exist any more? People wanting help with childcare in the summer or to cover holiday leave?

Ideally, she'd get a job she could keep up at weekends etc during the sixth form too.

OP posts:
Goldenhandshake · 08/07/2016 13:31

Realistically she should have started applying for part time retail jobs/cafes etc at least a month ago at a bare minimum, I think she will struggle now.

In theory you are not being at all unreasonable, I had to work part time all through college and uni, and did temping in the summer months in an office, my Dad was happy I was therefore making an effort to earn myself and in return her 'topped me up' for events/every few weeks whilst I was at Uni.

WhyCantIuseTheNameIWant · 08/07/2016 13:31

What's NCS?

Lilly948204 · 08/07/2016 13:31

I think it is totally reasonable to expect her to get a job. I had one at that age. It doesn't need to be temporary, it can be on a weekend and she can carry on into sixth form. That is what I did.

Original poster
flowersandsunshine · 08/07/2016 13:33

Should ad I'd rather it was a longer 6-8 week job but know I'd be v unfair to insist on that.

Edmund - that would be fine but she wants money and has expensive tastes! I can't afford to pay for her summer - if she wants the life of Riley she needs to be able to pay for it.

OP posts:
CaptainCrunch · 08/07/2016 13:34

I think you're kidding yourself that a "2 week job" exists for a 16 year old with zero work experience. I wouldn't hire a 16 year old with no references or previous work experience to look after my DC and anyone who does is nuts. Office and admin work will also go to experienced people. A far better idea is for her to get voluntary work to beef up her CV. It'll get her into the way of commuting and committing her time to something.

Lilly948204 · 08/07/2016 13:34

She can go and approach supermarkets about a weekend job. I gave my CV to tesco, they didn't have any jobs then but called me a few months later because they had vacancies. I carried on working there until the end of my first year at uni.

Yes you can get temp jobs, esp if you go into an agency, they will be able to get her one over the summer.