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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

to insist dd, 16, gets a job?

262 replies

flowersandsunshine · 08/07/2016 13:11

DD has just finished GCSEs - well, actually about 3 weeks ago now. She'll be going to the sixth form in Sept. I let her have the first 2 weeks of holiday off to hang out with her bf and go to prom, but would now like her to get a job. She has no plans for the summer at all - friends are going on family or friends holidays, doing NCS or working. She has refused to join us on the family holiday (so I can't go either as don't think she's old enough to leave on her own for 10 days yet) and won't do NCS.

I understand she's worked hard (ish) for GCSEs and deeserves a break but AIBU to expect her to do something other than see her bf every day? She keeps asking me for money to go out every day. I've now said no, until she gets - or at least tries to get - a job. I don't expect it to take up the whole holidays - I at saidleast 2 weeks, so she gets some money and work experience.

Even if her bf has a job lined up and is doing work experience now - dd just plays computer games/is on social media/paints her nails till he's finished and then goes out with him!

So - am I being really mean and horrible here, or should dd just have a go and get a job? Should add I live in area with lots of jobs - a bus ride from 3 towns with jobs plus commutable to London (where dh commutes everyday despite dd refusing to even contemplate such a thing!).

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sooperdooper · 08/07/2016 15:49

Yanbu to stop handing out money unless she tries - jobs might be hard to come by but do you know anyone who works full tube and will struggle with child care over the summer? Must be plenty of people in that position, at 16 would she be ok looking after a couple of kids?

sooperdooper · 08/07/2016 15:50

Full time, not tube!!

pearlylum · 08/07/2016 15:57

I wouldn't want my 16 yo DD to get a job. She is so busy during term time, has so much on her plate that she deserves these carefree couple of months.
Her and i are off holiday next week for a well deserved beach holiday- just the two of us. we are both very excited.

toomuchtooold · 08/07/2016 15:59

What's the job with your brother?
She's a fool to turn that down IMO - it can be so hard getting your first bit of real work experience, having an opportunity in a family member's business is brilliant.

JakeBallardswife · 08/07/2016 16:10

If you're West London, could you make an afternoon for her to wander round with her C.V's with you and hand them into local cafe's / restaurants or Westfield?

Or advertise locally for babysitting etc. I think you need to insist she gets a job or there is no allowance , wifi etc.

At 16, I only received my allowance if I was working or volunteering. It was an incentive as it was far easier to just see friends and not do very much!

Obsidian77 · 08/07/2016 16:35

Perhaps she's more scared than lazy? The world of work can be flipping intimidating to someone with no experience. You could help her with a CV, coach her on how to call agencies or employers and ask about jobs, or help search on job websites for "immediate starts". An advert in the local newsagent/post office might help reach locals who have short-term work to offer. But as other posters have said, it's a tough work climate and a 2wk job is a bit optimistic.
Maybe the most important lesson she'll learn is how hard it is to find a good job and how being without quals or experience makes it especially tough...that should focus her mind nicely on her studies.
If nothing turns up, insist she start some reading for her A levels or whatever she'll be doing in Sep. Instilling good study habits goes hand in hand with the kind of self-discipline that will help her when she does get a job.

Nataleejah · 08/07/2016 16:39

Maybe she should try volunteering.

feralcat19 · 08/07/2016 16:41

What about at least volunteering somewhere for work experience? No money, but at least she'd be usefully occupied and something to add to the CV later on?

TheRealAdaLovelace · 08/07/2016 16:49

I do not think there is anywhere that would offer two weeks work really.
She should take the job your brother offered or do some voluntary work, maybe in a charity shop.

suit2845321oie · 08/07/2016 16:52

She doesn't want to go in a family holiday so you aren't going? Are you serious? Why was she given the option?

SquinkiesRule · 08/07/2016 17:19

I think advertising herself for dog walking and babysitting/mothers helper is the best idea.
I started with the hairdressers washing towels once a week at 11 and doing Saturday afternoons at the paper shop, then added mothers helper and then babysitting at 11/12 They have to start somewhere. Had there been so many charity shops about when I was 16 and unemployed I'd have asked about working in one over summer. She needs to find something an make some spending money.

flowersandsunshine · 08/07/2016 17:34

Obsidian - like that idea of getting ahead on the studying too, thanks.

Can I just clarify two points:

  1. We live about a 10 min bus ride from the last stop on a tube line into London - we're inside the M25 but technically not in a London borough, if that makes sense. It would cost her v little to get in as she gets free bus fare and half price on the tubes until the end of the summer. It would prob take her about an hour to get in, which is quite long but not impossible - it normally takes her about 45 mins to get to school so not much longer. She has also chosen to go into London with the bf every single day for the last few days! - Camden, Green Park, Covent Garden etc... So she's obviously fine with the 'commute' when she wants to!
  1. Re the leaving her alone while we're on holiday, I can't make her go away against her wishes and as she's phobic about flying it wouldn't be fair and is actually pretty stressful for everyone else! I don't mind staying to keep an eye on her as I need to finish my dissertation. I don't think it would be fair to leave her on her own as her cooking skills aren't great and as we live in a rented house I'd be worried about her having parties while we were away.
OP posts:
flowersandsunshine · 08/07/2016 17:36

toomuchtooold - agree she's silly to turn it down. My brother runs his own business so she could pretty much tailor the job to whatever she wanted and he'd pay her properly too!

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flowersandsunshine · 08/07/2016 17:40

Soon2bC - wow your ds sounds very enterprising - good luck to him on his army interview!

BigGreenOlives - thanks so much for the link. Will show dd!!

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HerRoyalNotness · 08/07/2016 17:49

DHs 16yo just got a Saturday job at Tesco I think on the tills. DC will earn 200quid a month plus OT. They're saving for a car and towards Uni. They did have a contact. But I'm sure there are similar opportunities around that your DD could do long term.

flowersandsunshine · 08/07/2016 17:54

Interesting - dd claimed to have looked at Tesco website and that they said you had to be over 18!

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abbinobb · 08/07/2016 18:06

Could be a small tesco? Often to have to be 18 for the small ones or if the advertised jib is the kiosk bit because of cigarettes and stuff. I work in one (not tesco) and everyone ha's to be over 18 because it's small so everyone has to be able to serve.

50ShadesOfEarlGrey · 08/07/2016 18:14

DD hasn't been out of work since she was 16, she is now 20. She worked through her A Levels, waitressing. she deferred her uni place for a year, worked full time for 7 months (job only offered due to her work experience) saved loads and went to NZ for 7 months. Still working through uni. She was the last one in her group to get a job at 16, as I wanted her to get through her GCSEs . As someone who is involved in recruitment it makes a huge difference when shortlisting if someone has work experience.

Can't get my head around the holiday thing!

Your DD now needs to aim towards getting regular work not a temp job, even if only one evening a week waitressing at a local pub. Great for money, self esteem, social skills. If she finds it difficult to get something then volunteering over summer in local charity shop would be a good start.

RestlessTraveller · 08/07/2016 18:23

I wouldn't leave someone whose mother couldn't trust them to be in their own in charge of my dog.

EttaJ · 08/07/2016 18:28

Me neither restless

ToadsJustFellFromTheSky · 08/07/2016 18:29

I wouldn't leave someone whose mother couldn't trust them to be in their own in charge of my dog.

Good point.

flowersandsunshine · 08/07/2016 18:30

Restless - I wouldn't leave dd in charge of your dog either! - she hates dogs. I would, however, happily leave her in charge of her younger siblings and often do - she's very good at looking after kids. She's responsible and sensible and intelligent - but rubbish at cooking sensible meals for herself, for example. And has friends who like parties.

I don't that makes her unemployable but if you do, so be it.

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ToadsJustFellFromTheSky · 08/07/2016 18:31

If she can't cook then why don't you teach her?

No better time to learn imo...

flowersandsunshine · 08/07/2016 18:32

50Shades - think I'm leaning towards the charity shop if nothing else (though we could do with the money).

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ToadsJustFellFromTheSky · 08/07/2016 18:33

If her mother doesn't trust her enough to let her stay home alone for just over a week then I wouldn't trust her to take care of a child either.

JMO of course.