to insist dd, 16, gets a job?

[flowersandsunshine]

DD has just finished GCSEs - well, actually about 3 weeks ago now. She'll be going to the sixth form in Sept. I let her have the first 2 weeks of holiday off to hang out with her bf and go to prom, but would now like her to get a job. She has no plans for the summer at all - friends are going on family or friends holidays, doing NCS or working. She has refused to join us on the family holiday (so I can't go either as don't think she's old enough to leave on her own for 10 days yet) and won't do NCS.

I understand she's worked hard (ish) for GCSEs and deeserves a break but AIBU to expect her to do something other than see her bf every day? She keeps asking me for money to go out every day. I've now said no, until she gets - or at least tries to get - a job. I don't expect it to take up the whole holidays - I at saidleast 2 weeks, so she gets some money and work experience.

Even if her bf has a job lined up and is doing work experience now - dd just plays computer games/is on social media/paints her nails till he's finished and then goes out with him!

So - am I being really mean and horrible here, or should dd just have a go and get a job? Should add I live in area with lots of jobs - a bus ride from 3 towns with jobs plus commutable to London (where dh commutes everyday despite dd refusing to even contemplate such a thing!).

YANBU, she can sign with a temp agency and kitchen work, which is what I did at that age. Lots of skivvying but also doing room service in a 5* hotel with tips!!

Or, I would only allow her money to go out once she had done loads of jobs about the house.

Commuting to London for a crappy holiday job is a bit bonkers. The minimum wage for a 16-year-old (which is likely all she'll get in the holidays) is £3.87. A Zone 1-3 travelcard (assuming you live in Zone 3, obviously it'll be even more if you're further out) is £7.60. She'd take home less than £20 a day - even less if she buys lunch.

A weekend job is a better idea but either way, stop giving her money!

MY 16yr old DS finished his last GCSE on the Friday and spent the Monday plying all local businesses (industrial estate) and shops in town center with a cv and cover letter and by the Thursday had secured a couple of short shifts per week at a shop and 1 day work experience with a hire company. He is learning with no pay and earning at the shop at the same time. He then has 2 days per week and all weekend to chill with friends and play computer games. in a couple of weeks time he is doing NCS so will stop work experience and the shop has told him they can give him time off for NCS and he will work Saturdays when possible
I think there is nothing wrong with getting them out working and learning. he is interacting with adults and this has made him so confident in the couple of weeks since he left school and he is chatting and getting involved more.
He is due to attend an army selection interview next week (fingers crossed that he gets is dream) and is grabbing every opportunity going in the meantime.
I suggested that he could decide if he wanted to try to find a job/work experience or voluntary work because i didnt want him just playing his time away. It was his choice what to do and how often and he has decided this for himself
However, i know lots of the kids in his school are just relaxing and playing games and it would be easy for him to do this but even he knows he would get bored eventually.
Its not unreasonable to expect kids to get out and do something be it work or voluntary work at all as long as you are realistic with your expectations given their confidence levels, maturity, job opportunities and location.
I must say though that i personally was working from age of 13 and couldn't imagine not working through holidays and keeping busy but that's how i was raised.

It's too late to find a job. But tell her to put a Facebook post up looking for babysitting and dog walking, send her on NCS, it's really fantastic and they spend two weeks out of your hair away and come on your family holiday in return for an agreed now weekly allowance.

Oh wait, I've basically skipped three quarters of the thread. Sorry, ignore me.

My very first job was volunteering in a charity shop. This got me a waitressing job in the local cafe a couple of weeks later and waitressing in a restaurant the following summer from the work experience.

You don't think a 16 year old can be left on their own but you would be ok with them commuting?

unless you envisage her going fruit picking which frankly is really hard work for crap money and I wouldn't expect my DC to do a job that I wouldn't do

I see it differently and think there's nothing wrong with fruit picking. It was my first holiday job when I was 16 and I loved it. Yes, it's hard work, and low paid, but it was a taste (yes, we did eat the fruit sometimes) of what it was like to do a day's work and get paid.

Being left on their own could result in wild parties and trashing of house. Unlikely the same result could be achieved by commuting AKA catching a bus.
Yanbu op. But 2 week jobs don't exist would need to be longer term try shops, hotels, macdonalds, our local chippy takes 15 year olds. I can't see anyone employing her to do holiday care for kids tbh.

She should get a job, as she's just wasting her time and your money by being lazy. I don't think she'll be able to get a job for 2 weeks though - by the time they train her, she'll be gone. She's had 3 weeks of time off, so you should tell her to work for the rest of the holidays. For people saying its so hard to do GCSE's...yes, but adults have to work hard too, and most only get 2 weeks off in the summer!
If she doesn't work, refuse to give her any money. I'm a secondary school teacher in a private school. Most of our parents have good salaries, but they get this through hard work. Most of them make their children work in the holidays, whether paid work, NCS or volunteering. Charity shops are always looking for volunteers. Don't let her get away with being lazy or she'll just get worse.

We are at the same stage of teenage life flowers and i don't think YABU expecting your 16 year old to get a job. I'd dislike the reluctance if my dd was the same and i certainly wouldn't be funding an extended holiday. We are about 50 mins outside of London and i certainly wouldn't let dd commute. I think a local job in our town is a more realistic idea.

My dd only recently turned 16 so has been unable to look for "proper" work during her GCSE's but she has babysitting jobs which give her enough money to get by on. When we get back from our summer holiday I expect her to get a part time job.

I think it is essential for teenagers to learn financial independence / budgeting etc as well as all the other benefits working teaches them. And I have pointed out to dd that in 11 months she will be able to drive and that doesn't come cheap - we will not be buying her a car or paying her insurance etc so she'd better get saving!

I'm surprised about the holiday thing tbh. I certainly wouldn't be forgoing my holiday to give into dd's demands!

No reason why she couldn't be looking for work in local cafes, or shops. YANBU. Another idea would be to give her x amount of money a week after she has worked in the house for you or much better yet volunteered in a local animal shelter, charity shop, hospital (although the volunteer process may make this a bit unrealistic) or local library. If she does the hours in the volunteering she gets money from you, she's out the house learning new skills and enhancing her cv.

I agree with PP about the holiday though. I was a bit about why your DD is dictating whether you personally have a summer holiday. I hope you get days out relaxing in lieu of the holiday if you don't go.

Why doesn't she try some hairdressers? My DD, who only turned 14 last week, is starting tomorrow at local Hairdresser on High Road. They always need help.

Our two children, and the vast majority of their friends, got jobs as soon as their GCSEs finished and worked them weekends and holidays right through their A levels. DS2's reference from his job meant he was only out of work for 3 weeks once he went to uni.

Ours wanted jobs. They wanted cars, holidays with their mates and expensive clothes. That was their incentive.

Supermarkets and retail outlets don't tend to take in Cvs anymore. Most of them advertise on their websites or the job centre websites.

A 2 week job, seriously?! YABU ridiculous to think she could commute to London. You should still get Child Benefit for her no? If she's not in your eyes, old enough to leave at home the she's not old enough to commute. What sort of job do you imagine she'll get there?

16 is still very young, let her enjoy it and stop being so keen to speed up her journey to adulthood. Imagine how many that age are looking for jobs and you want her to find one on your command .She's still your child and therefore your financial responsibility. I worry about some parents .

Etta, I'm sure the "child" in question has no problem with "commuting" to London when she wants to go shopping in Oxford Street. I think people are saying she could try for a part-time job in a shop or cafe, not down a coal mine. There's no reason why she can't work for a few days a week and then spend the rest of her holidays enjoying herself and spending the money that she has EARNED. Summer jobs can also be fun anyway - I often ended up working with other students, and you just turn up, do your shift and then go home. There is also a satisfaction in earning and feeling all grown up as you get your pay cheque. Working and then spending your earnings is a much better use of holiday time than lying around your parents' house all day.

People who don't live in London forget that teens in London often travel to work by tube & have ZIP 16+ cards which give them cheap transport (free bus rides). I worked as a kitchen porter at that age, inditex, the company which owns Zara is currently recruiting.

Picked this up in Zara earlier

I think it's mean to make her, if there's nothing she wants to buy, but I wouldn't give her money everyday.

So shes adult enough to commute to London but not mature enough to be left home alone? This seems odd in my opinion
As others have said summer jobs are offered ages in advance, Lush, for example, told me they sort that out at Easter
And yes yabu

Wait, you don't trust to leave her alone for 10 days but you want her to get a job, possibly in childcare????

My 17 year old is now looking for a job.

He was simply not ready at aged 16, for various reasons (special needs). I only want him to get a job now so it looks good on his CV and that he will have more money for himself. He never asks me for money and is a great saver so has money when he wants to do something but it would be lovely of him to have more.

It's proving quite difficult, I would be happy for him to volunteer somewhere. That would look as good on his CV wouldn't it?

YANBU to expect her to get a job, although for 2 weeks is a tad unrealistic.

YABU to not go on holiday because she won't come. As pp said, you trust her to commute to London for work but don't trust her at home alone for 10 days?

I didn't have a job at that age, but what my mum did do was give me the £80 child benefit a month in exchange for various jobs around the house. It was mine to spend as I wished but I had to make it last the month as she wouldn't give me any extra. Not sure if everyone would agree with that approach but it did help me learn how to budget and get the most out of my money. Would something like that be a possibility? Maybe in exchange for some chores around the house?