to insist dd, 16, gets a job?

[flowersandsunshine]

DD has just finished GCSEs - well, actually about 3 weeks ago now. She'll be going to the sixth form in Sept. I let her have the first 2 weeks of holiday off to hang out with her bf and go to prom, but would now like her to get a job. She has no plans for the summer at all - friends are going on family or friends holidays, doing NCS or working. She has refused to join us on the family holiday (so I can't go either as don't think she's old enough to leave on her own for 10 days yet) and won't do NCS.

I understand she's worked hard (ish) for GCSEs and deeserves a break but AIBU to expect her to do something other than see her bf every day? She keeps asking me for money to go out every day. I've now said no, until she gets - or at least tries to get - a job. I don't expect it to take up the whole holidays - I at saidleast 2 weeks, so she gets some money and work experience.

Even if her bf has a job lined up and is doing work experience now - dd just plays computer games/is on social media/paints her nails till he's finished and then goes out with him!

So - am I being really mean and horrible here, or should dd just have a go and get a job? Should add I live in area with lots of jobs - a bus ride from 3 towns with jobs plus commutable to London (where dh commutes everyday despite dd refusing to even contemplate such a thing!).

Yanbu, but give her a list of chores and pay her for that?

Having a job at that age really helped me as I had something to put on my CV when I applied for proper full time jobs. My bro didn't do anything and then couldn't get a job after uni for a year because he had no work experience. Everyone has to start somewhere and people are willing to give a 16 year old a chance.

I'd just give her a fiver a week and tell her to get a job. I wouldn't give her more money.

And I wouldn't leave her at home either. If I wanted to go on the family holiday id pack her off to grandparents or make her come. I wouldn't have my life dictated by a 16 year old.

Good idea, Captain Crunch. Hadn't thought of that.

Though it won't solve the lack of money problem.

LaurieFairyCake - as I said above, she's not really 'dictating' to us. I have to do my dissetation and she doesn't want to come because she's phobic about flying so I'm sympathetic.

I would have insisted on the NCS. (National Citizen Service) - didn't know that existed until we had a leaflet through our dos a few months ago.

No problem flowers. My DD couldn't get a job, despite trying VERY hard at the age of 15/16 so she did 2 afternoons a week in a Shelter shop which gave her retail/till experience and she did Rainbow Guides which gave her childcare experience. She's never been out of work for 3 years now and is currently a full time uni student with a summer job that's 40 hours a week.

In response to your actual AIBU, you're definitely NOT unreasonable to expect her to get a job and it's important people start to realise the value of money at a young age. I remember the first time my DD thought twice about buying something as "it's 4 hours wages". That lightbulb moment made my heart soar!!!!

Lilly - yes, that's what I felt. I do think it will really help her in the long run.

CaptainCrunch - yes!!!

That is exactly what I'm aiming for!

Make her work for your brother for a couple weeks, if she wants wifi access for the rest of the holiday.
1.5hour commute is fine for a novelty for a couple weeks.

I insisted DS and DD both had part time jobs as soon as they had finished their GCSEs to fund their social lives through sixth form.

In my experience now is absolutely the best time to pick up a weekend or evening job as the 2016 University starters will be handing in their notice very soon to have a last blast holiday with their mates before moving away around the country.

I've just filled out the online application with my 16yr DD.
I've been gently mentioning it for weeks, as her 3 older brothers have too, who all got jobs when they went to college.
When I approached her with this job she seemed genuinely keen.

I think it is really good for them to learn that money needs to be earned and that as an (almost) adult they need to take some responsibility for themselves.

I'd stick with it OP. Be worth it to help her become a well rounded useful member of society.

Mine all had jobs at that age, and two of them commuted. However, we have longer summer holidays here, and they all had previous experience working as babysitters from age 12 or so.

If you want a job you need to start looking way back in February.

There are agencies she should sign up for - babysitting, etc. She could have term time work through them, perhaps.

But I suspect the real issue you have here is the boyfriend.

Yes, I read that you were doing your dissertation

I was agreeing with your point about not leaving her at home.

YANBU to ask her to get a job. At this age they cost a lot of money and it's good for them to earn it themselves. My 16 year old ds is in the sixth form and does a term time job cleaning at his school for 2 hours every weekday and comes out with £250 a month. When this ends next week he is also considering looking for casual summer jobs . Most of his friends seem to work in pubs/ restaurants etc. I need to work on my ds2 next, he is not half as motivated !

Are there any family members or friends who you could ask for a couple of weeks of work experience?

YANBU

My DS1 is showing great reluctance to even try to get a Saturday job for when he is inn 6th form. This is because he has just had his birthday and this is the time of year where he has a decent amount of cash.

I have pointed out that if he has been applying for jobs, has no luck (which as pp have pointed out is the most likely scenario till Sept), and wants to go out with friends but can't because he is broke, I am likely to take pity and give him a tenner. But if he sits there saying he doesn't want a job because "it'll be boring" (despite the whole conversation having come about because he was moaning he was sooooo bored) and not even trying to look for one, he can whistle for bloody money.

But it hasn't sunk in yet . . .

I guess it will do - 0.0005 seconds after he spends the last of his cash -but by that time all the jobs will be gone.

Most reasonable...my DD16 will only be getting usual £10 a week allowance through holidays. To fund the lifestyle she desires, she NEEDS a job!

I assume the only office job your DD could do would be general admin, and that sort of temp job really doesn't exist: people just tend to get other staff to cover the work. It would probably take at least two weeks to train up a 16 year old with zero office experience.

She should have a good break after her GCSEs, which can be exhausting. But I don't think it's outrageous to expect her to look for something rather than expect money from you all the time if you're short. It may be a bit unrealistic expecting her to get something now though, unless it's a weekend job that they'd effectively be recruiting long term for. Temp seasonal work will have recruited by now, and considering she'd only be doing it for 6-7 weeks tops, a lot of employers would feel they're not going to get their money's worth. By the time she's trained enough to know what she's doing, she'll near enough be off again. This is really an issue that should've been addressed earlier. Do you know anyone who might give her something?

I would also probably not have put 'commutable to London' when you actually live in London. Makes it sound further away.

My mum, er, gently suggested I get a Saturday job at 16 so I did. She then topped me up with 15 quid a week for college bus fare (8 quid weekly) and towards lunches. However I got mine in the Feb of my GCSE year and everything locally for the summer was gone by May when the uni students finished for the year. July is really too late unless she wants weekend or evening retail long term.

I did do some holiday childcare for her colleague as well though which paid really well for playing with a 4 year old all day. Him not being a baby, his mum just wanted someone reliable who would call if there was a problem.

She could look at an agency to see if they have short term work, but you might find that Brexit has stuffed a lot of short term jobs - available vacancies have apparently halved and the sort of stuff a 16 year old could do are likely to be the sort of thing they can get other staff already employed to do. She can ask though, and start pulling a CV together to hand in at an agency or a supermarket.

She sounds like a madam.

Refusing a job with your brother
Refusing a holiday
Refusing to commute I had to get a job at 11....I think you need to be a bit tougher.

Look up task rabbit.

Funny how they're all happy to 'commute' into Westfield, Covent Garden, Oxford St etc on a regular basis ....... but not for work . Mine are the same.

And there's no way on this earth I would leave a 16 year old alone at home for 10 days.

Not sure how anyone can 'make' a 16 year old go on holiday either!!