to insist dd, 16, gets a job?

[flowersandsunshine]

DD has just finished GCSEs - well, actually about 3 weeks ago now. She'll be going to the sixth form in Sept. I let her have the first 2 weeks of holiday off to hang out with her bf and go to prom, but would now like her to get a job. She has no plans for the summer at all - friends are going on family or friends holidays, doing NCS or working. She has refused to join us on the family holiday (so I can't go either as don't think she's old enough to leave on her own for 10 days yet) and won't do NCS.

I understand she's worked hard (ish) for GCSEs and deeserves a break but AIBU to expect her to do something other than see her bf every day? She keeps asking me for money to go out every day. I've now said no, until she gets - or at least tries to get - a job. I don't expect it to take up the whole holidays - I at saidleast 2 weeks, so she gets some money and work experience.

Even if her bf has a job lined up and is doing work experience now - dd just plays computer games/is on social media/paints her nails till he's finished and then goes out with him!

So - am I being really mean and horrible here, or should dd just have a go and get a job? Should add I live in area with lots of jobs - a bus ride from 3 towns with jobs plus commutable to London (where dh commutes everyday despite dd refusing to even contemplate such a thing!).

If her mother doesn't trust her enough to let her stay home alone for just over a week then I wouldn't trust her to take care of a child either

Excellent point!

If she wants money I would give her housework to earn it. I didn't work between O and A levels but I did ironing, gardening and baking for weeks and got tea ready when my mum was at work.

Well, that's up to you. As her dm, I definitely do trust her to look after my own dcs. Do you have 16-year-old dcs yourself? Would you leave them alone for 10 days? I find that surprising myself - don't think I would have wanted to be left alone at 16, but was working myself from much younger.

@ Toad and Lou

I don't have DC's myself however I was certainly left alone for longer than 10 days when I was 16.

I know my peers were also left alone for a similar amount of time at that age and nobody batted an eyelid at it. So it was obviously accepted as the norm.

And that was only around nine years ago so not that long ago in the grand scheme of things.

Some of us might have lived on takeaways, ready meals and sandwiches whilst we were alone but a week of crap food didn't hurt us in the long run. We all lived.

2 weeks in a charity shop or the summer reading scheme at your library should be easy to find.

Google temporary catering jobs and your county...

Summer attractions near you may still be recruiting - dd just got a summer job at Thorpe Park.

Next have loads of part time posts too.

So yes I agree - NCS or job or voluntary work.

Thanks titchy - good ideas.

Toad - thanks but can we leave the discussion of whether or not I leave her as that's a bit tangential - I'm not going to leave her as I'm going to be working on my dissertation. Do you have any ideas of where she could look for jobs?

OP your DD could quite easily work in Tesco or any other supermarket at 16. You only need to be 18 if you're working in certain departments or aisles - booze aisle or on the front desk (selling cigarettes, etc.). If she's on the tills, she would simply need authorisation from a member of staff who is 18 to sell age restricted products. My Tesco hire a lot of kids under 18 - it's cheaper to employ them.

Most supermarkets will offer a flexi contract that is highly suitable to young students wanting to work a few hours during evenings and weekends for a bit of pocket money. They're the ideal worker for a lot of supermarkets as they'll do the shifts a lot of people with family commitments cannot do, their pay is so little the employer won't really get stung for NI contributions and they're not bothered about putting into a pension - which also saves the company £££'s.

A lot of the supermarkets are going through drastic changes atm as a result of the NLW increases being implemented. It's shit as a current employee, but there will be jobs coming up and the likes of your DD, who at 16 they don't have to pay the full whack, is the perfect candidate. I fully expect to lose my night shift job within the next year - they've already removed one of the NS premiums and the Sunday and bank holiday pay has been hammered to pay for everyone else's pay rise. Night shift have all ended up taking a pay cut or only just breaking even I digress. Tell your DD to search for supermarket jobs on Indeed.com and see what comes up. I'll bet there's at least a couple of positions she could apply for

Haven't read the full thread but I absolutely would have her out there finding a job asap. I had part time jobs while at school from 12 onwards, full time in the summer from 16 onwards. And I'm in my twenties, this wasn't decades ago! My parents would never have just handed me money. If I wanted to do anything that cost money, I.e. anything above walking to a nearby friend's house (including getting a bus instead of going somewhere I could walk to, getting a snack or drink while out, buying a magazine, going to the cinema, buying clothes - apart from necessities of school uniform, birthday or Christmas presents for friends, etc) it was all down to me and I have to say it paid off as I am very good with money and had plenty transferable skills from my first few jobs to make it easier to get and succeed in future jobs.

Soon2bC DS1 is in the army. Your DS is doing exactly the right the things with his time atm. The army really don't like to see that applicants have been sitting about doing nothing. When DS1 went for his first informa chat they encouraged him to get a weekend job, or at least volunteer.

Good luck to your DS, I hope he gets in. It was DS1's dream and he absolutely loves his job.

At 16 I had a weekend job in Superdrug and was left home alone for 14 nights whilst my family was on holiday (my choice)...

I was perfectly capable of looking after myself and also cared for our 2 dogs and 7 puppies!

My parents were leaving me home alone from an early age so I guess I was mature and very independent!

You were braver than me Lou! My parents went away for a couple of weeks about that age but I had a much older brother to babysit me!

However, I worked from the age of 12 (paper round and babysitting) and 15 (office job). So to me being old enough to work but not to be left alone makes sense. :)

Vino Time - thanks for the tips and hope you keep your shifts too. Not right that the introduction of the minumum wage actually means less money/work. :(

My ds started a job on his 16th birthday with Waitrose, two evenings and Saturdays all through his a levels and it hasn't affected his work, he is going to keep it when he goes to uni too. It's essential, helps with ucas applications and will demonstrate to future employers that he can work in teams Etc.... he loves the extra money too!

OP I fully agree with you about the ok to travel to London but not stay at home at 16 thing.

Travelling involves walking to the station, buying ticket, sitting down for 40/50 mins and then getting off at correct stop. Possibly made slightly more complicated if you have to change trains/tubes at some point but nothing a 16 year old who is presumably used to travelling into London can't easily do. The worst thing that is likely to happen is she misses a train or stop, in which case she'll just have to wait for the next one.

Leaving her at home involves remembering to lock all doors every day, turn off all appliances, including hair straighteners, feed any pets, keep on top of washing, buying fresh food and milk, cooking every day, and so on. Plus knowledge of what to do in 'emergencies' from electricity cut, light bulb blown and having to reset fuses, smoke alarm going off, to more serious gas leak, water leak, etc. Lot for a 16 year old to remember! Plus it can be quite scary to be left alone for several weeks, what if someone follows her home, or there's a burglary etc? Unlikely but could happen. And that's before you even get to the teen party scenario!

Lots of 16-18 year olds travel alone to get to work or school. Very few live alone.

I agree that having a part time job is a great thing for teenagers. Outside of the monetary independence I really blossomed from the interaction with adults and people outside my narrow family/school friends existence. Plus having to do a full 9-5 (usually 12-12!) shift was knackering and made me appreciate how easy school was in comparison.
Think she'll have to be prepared to stay on throughout A Levels though or most places won't hire her.

If she was a teacher, would you insist she gets a job for the holidays, too? Her job was school. You say she worked hard. She deserves the holidays before 6th form.

My DSis is in similar position, has had a job cleaning in a cafe for a year already and now she is 16, is waitressing in said cafe. She usually does weekends but has picked up loads of extra shifts covering people over the summer. She is still going on the family holiday but will have some cash to spend while she is there.

UANBU at all, sounds like she needs to appreciate the value of money a bit more...

Even if she can't get a job until all the students leave in Sep, she could spend the 2 weeks getting off her bum and applying...

Everyone will be fed up of me saying this but has she tried care work, including working with people with learning difficulties?

My DD got a job last year the day after prom. DD2 stayed home for a week when dd1 and I went on holiday as she wanted to stay home rather than stay with her grandfather, which was the alternative as she doesn't usually like sleeping in the house alone.

Dd2 still has the job working three days a week and earning a decent amount. When she hits 18 she will pay rent.

I can't afford to keep her forever and at 18 she will have to pay her share, even if it is a small amount.

I will encourage my DC not to work after GCSEs and during education official breaks.

They have a life time to go into the work place and work and only a few short years in which they can be free

My Ds has longer holidays due to him going to a private school. He has no extra time off this year compared to his normal holidays (thanks further maths!) He has worked incredibly hard this year and there is also Saturday school. I am quite happy for him to slob around all summer, as long as he does any chores. I ask if him.
The difference is that he doesn't ask for any money or lifts 😁

Thanks, glad I started this thread - gave me lots of ideas and inspiration and dd read it and could see why it was worth applying. I asked on facebook on her behalf and have had a few possibilities so - contrary to pessimists on here - a paid summer job for a few weeks is looking possible! Also found some details of permanent Saturday jobs to apply for too...

EveOnline2016 - maybe you're richer and can afford to pay for your dc's tastes? Or maybe he has cheaper tastes?!

My dd has expensive tastes - she wants new clothes etc but doesn't understand these things cost money...

Your DD will stand a much better chance of securing employment once she leaves school or graduates from uni if she has had a part time job. As someone who recruits I am less than impressed with young people who have avoided work during their education or holidays, providing that they are fit and healthy.