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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

WIBU - woman taking dd's hand

360 replies

wheresthel1ght · 27/06/2016 16:15

To start out I don't think I was being unreasonable and if anything I think I should have done more but would appreciate some outside input as I have an anxiety disorder and not sure that I wasn't seeing this situation as more than it was.

Pulled into the car park at our local Home Bargains store and was getting dd out the car. She is massively independent but still only 2.10 so I insist on her holding my hand as she has little road sense as with most kids her age. She was refusing and was holding her hands together saying she was being friends I could bloody murder Justin fletcher. Next thing I know some random woman is saying to dd "come and hold my hand" dd obliged and the woman started to walk dd towards the shop.

I grabbed dd's hand and said something along the lines of "this way darling we need to get a trolley" and pulled her away from the woman. I then tried to tell dd that we don't talk to strangers and we never hold hands with them because not all stranger are nice people. The woman must have heard me and as I walked past her in the shop she told me I was rude and unkind and she was only trying to help.

Wibu? I never said anything to her but I wanted to tell her to get her hands off my dd.

OP posts:

ElspethFlashman · 27/06/2016 16:18

Sorry but massive overreaction. What did you think she was trying to do? She was clearly not kidnapping your child! She was just being friendly and helpful.

Original poster

wheresthel1ght · 27/06/2016 16:19

How is taking my dd away and telling her we don't talk to or hold hands strangers an over reaction? Not being arsey but would genuinely appreciate an explanation.

OP posts:

ElsaAintAsColdAsMe · 27/06/2016 16:20

She was trying to help. You are over reacting imo.

I also think terrifying your dd about not talking to strangers isn't very helpful.

If she gets lost she needs to know the people she should go to rather than being scared of everyone.

lilacclery · 27/06/2016 16:21

Maybe she thought she was being helpful but I generally stay out of parent/child battle of wills because I know someone else's involvement only makes the situation more pressurised not less.

IF she had asked could she help then it would be different

finnmcool · 27/06/2016 16:22

Perhaps say thank you, but I'm teaching my child about stranger danger?
It sounds like she was just trying to be nice without thinking about your parenting rules.

LouBlue1507 · 27/06/2016 16:22

Strangers don't pose the most risk to your child. You shouldn't teach your child to fear strangers, she may one day need to approach a stranger for help! IMO you are over reacting...

LouBlue1507 · 27/06/2016 16:23

Stranger danger is seriously outdated and should not be taught to children!

ChocolateButton15 · 27/06/2016 16:23

Yanbu to tell your child not to go off or hold hands with strangers because that is very important and she was wrong to walk off with your child. Maybe a little bit yabu for saying it in the ear shot of the woman. I can see why you was annoyed it's really frustrating when other people get involved and undermine you in front of your children.

MrsJayy · 27/06/2016 16:24

I think the woman was trying to help out maybe a bit enthusiastically but you were right there she didnt run off with her you snatched her hane back and started going on about strangers

Arfarfanarf · 27/06/2016 16:25

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CigarsofthePharoahs · 27/06/2016 16:25

Why didn't the lady just ask the op if she needed a hand?
Why just butt in and start walking away with the child?
I'd probably slightly over react in that situation.

Arkwright · 27/06/2016 16:25

She was trying to be helpful to you. You completely overreacted and you were rude.

ElspethFlashman · 27/06/2016 16:25

I also think you must have been pretty loud for her to overhear you saying that not all strangers are nice people. You were basically saying "that lady there could be a psycho darling!". Don't blame the lady for getting offended at all tbh.

Original poster

wheresthel1ght · 27/06/2016 16:26

Appreciate the feedback. I don't agree that it is outdated however. It is only recently that 2 teenagers murdered a young child and Jamie Bulger is still a very relevant issue.

I wasn't rude about or to the lady. She on the other hand was rude.

OP posts:

user1466610292 · 27/06/2016 16:27

I can see it from both points of view, she clearly was just trying to help and thought she was doing something nice. From your perspective I can see why you wouldn't want your daughter going with anyone without questioning it.

I think you could have waited a few minutes to have the conversation with your daughter when the lady was out of earshot and it was also unnecessary to grab your daughters hand and pull her away from the woman. You could have dealt with the situation a little more rationally, made sure your daughter understood the danger of going with strangers but not been rude and unkind to someone who was at the end of the day just dying to be nice.

toffeeboffin · 27/06/2016 16:27

OP, I'm with you on this one.

That woman would have got an ear full from me, it's none of her business, trying to hold my child's hand, WTAF?!

ElspethFlashman · 27/06/2016 16:27

Well if you are convinced you reacted appropriately then why ask?

MrsJayy · 27/06/2016 16:29

Yeah I can see both sides too but she was only trying to be kind

Original poster

wheresthel1ght · 27/06/2016 16:29

I wasn't stood next to the woman I had walked over to the trolleys, and I genuinely didn't think I had said it that loud. But I accept that if she heard me it must have been louder/nearer to her than I realised

OP posts:

EdmundCleverClogs · 27/06/2016 16:29

I don't think you were being unreasonable! If a bloke had done the same, I doubt people would tell you otherwise. You don't take a child you don't know by the hand, that's not ok. As for not teaching stranger danger, I don't believe in scaremongering - however it is not unreasonable to make a child aware that not all strangers are kind people whom you should instantly walk away with!

daydreamnation · 27/06/2016 16:30

My dd is now 15, I want to echo what others have said, strangers do not equal danger!! I always explained to my dd the best course of action if she lost me when we were out but as she grew up I was very open about and realistic about 'danger'
Op you do realise that the most dangerous place for a child or female to be is in their own home? My dd does not fear strangers, please don't encourage your dd to, so misguided and outdated.

MrsKoala · 27/06/2016 16:30

Sorry, i think you are overreacting too. My ds's often do what a stranger says rather than me and sometimes i value a little help (not the help from the lady who told ds1 she had spoken to santa and he now wasn't getting any presents on xmas eve ). As long as i can see my dc i am okay. Once when on a ferry (when we lived in Canada) an elderly Chinese lady picked ds1 up and carried him to her family to show him to them then sat him on her lap and gave him some tea from her flask. He loved it (was 1) and we could see him so felt fine about it. I don't want to bring my dc up in fear, so i think it's about finding the right balance.

passmyglass · 27/06/2016 16:31

I can understand your irritation at her interference, but you should have sucked it up because she was clearly trying to be helpful. You were rude.

Hodooooooooor · 27/06/2016 16:32

You were rude and unkind and modelled that for your child. The woman was trying to help you, it takes a village and all that.

claraschu · 27/06/2016 16:35

A 2 year old can't defend herself against a stranger (or an acquaintance) with bad intentions. There is absolutely no reason to tell a 2 year old to stay away from strangers because you just have to keep an eye on them at this age.

The time to warn them is when they are old enough to be out of sight from you and fend for themselves a bit.

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