WIBU - woman taking dd's hand

[wheresthel1ght]

To start out I don't think I was being unreasonable and if anything I think I should have done more but would appreciate some outside input as I have an anxiety disorder and not sure that I wasn't seeing this situation as more than it was.

Pulled into the car park at our local Home Bargains store and was getting dd out the car. She is massively independent but still only 2.10 so I insist on her holding my hand as she has little road sense as with most kids her age. She was refusing and was holding her hands together saying she was being friends I could bloody murder Justin fletcher. Next thing I know some random woman is saying to dd "come and hold my hand" dd obliged and the woman started to walk dd towards the shop.

I grabbed dd's hand and said something along the lines of "this way darling we need to get a trolley" and pulled her away from the woman. I then tried to tell dd that we don't talk to strangers and we never hold hands with them because not all stranger are nice people. The woman must have heard me and as I walked past her in the shop she told me I was rude and unkind and she was only trying to help.

Wibu? I never said anything to her but I wanted to tell her to get her hands off my dd.

[WorraLiberty]

Because you did it loud enough for the woman to hear - therefore making her feel like shit imo.

I don't understand how I can make my point any clearer?

[hippiedays]

OP she wasn't taken away from you. You were there, the woman thought she was helping to keep your daughter SAFE because to her, it looked like a little girl was prepared to run around a carpark. M
I'd have been a little embarrassed if it was me that it looked like I was unable to look after my child properly when in fact the situation was under control.

We all know it takes a split second for a child to run off so no I wouldn't have been annoyed at the woman trying to help.

[ricketytickety]

I don't get why she did that - do you think she was trying to get her away from the road or something? Did she think your dd was going to run into the road? I think she misunderstood what was happening somehow but having not been there I can't tell you how.

But I don't think you were being rude explaining to your dd not to go off with people she doesn't know. I don't get why she accosted you in the shop to have a go at you either.

So ywnbu imo. But it sounds like this woman was because she misunderstood the situation and then had a go at you when you wanted to explain to your dd why it wasn't right.

[Alibobbob]

I haven't read all responses....

I would not have been comfortable with a stranger getting hold of my DD's hand and walking off with her without a word to me or even acknowledgement of why she was doing this. The older lady should, in my opinion, just held on to DD's hand and kept her safe.

Go with your own feelings on this OP

[ricketytickety]

Op did it look like your dd was about to run off?

[wheresthel1ght]

She was stood at my side holding her own hands together. I was stood between her and the road. She wasn't trying to run off. She was just playing the silly game she does over hand holding. She was in absolutely no danger whatsoever


And yes hippie she did take my daughter away. She took her hand unsolicited and walked her away from me. There was absolutely no need.

I was at no point rude to her in spite of my better judgement

[hippiedays]

You asked for opinions OP as to whether or not you were unreasonable. I think you were. That is my opinion.

[TheDowagerCuntess]

Unless a child was about to run into traffic, I can't for the life of me imagining busybody interfering, and just taking a random child's hand and walking off with them. That is nuts. The woman was not helping the situation.

Having said that, I do find the talking-to-someone-through-your-kid thing totally cringey and passive aggressive, so for that, YWBA bit U. Of course she took umbrage, even though she was in the wrong. Take a few more steps away and speak more quietly, and the whole sorry thing could've been avoided.

[Furiosa]

YWNBU.

If the woman wanted to help she could have ask, or chatted to you or your DD, told some anecdotal story about holding hands blah, blah, blah.

But to try and walk a child she doesn't know away from her mother who she also doesn't know is definitely not normal. Then to tell you you were rude for talking to your DD about strangers. I couldn't care less if that made her feel shit. Hopefully she'll tell a friend about what she did and they'll point out she caused the whole sorry affair.

As for "She was just being helpful". No she wasn't.

I'm always wary of people who are so super helpful that they "accidentally" cross boundaries then get angry when that's pointed out to them. They're usually just desperate to interfere.

I can't imagine a reverse of this situation were anyone here would call the OP "helpful" for doing what the woman did. They'd get called barking!

[ricketytickety]

Well, the picture in my mind doesn't look right. I could understand her 'helping' if your dd was running around or in danger. She wasn't.

I don't get why she took her hand. I can't imagine ever doing that to another child unless I had to step in to stop them getting hurt.

[LifeInJeneral]

Again not read all the responses but personally I would feel anxious if a stranger took my child's hand without asking me first. And I think OP was right to explain to her child not to take a strangers hand. Stranger danger is still relevant and always will be while there are people in this world willing to hurt children. The woman was rude to take the child's hand without asking so it was hypocritical of her to call OP rude but I can see she was just a bit wounded as she thought she was being helpful. I don't think OP was being unreasonable.

[ricketytickety]

That said, I don't necessarily think she was being weird. Just totally misread the situation. Then got all funny when you took umbrage to it.

It sounds like an unusual situation so don't worry about it happening again. If it does, just calmly say 'Thank you, we're fine' and move on.

[whydidhesaythat]

Actually YWBU

You were far too polite

" hands off!" would have been fine!

[needanewjob]

I think I would have felt uncomfortable and also a little bit annoyed that I should be left to deal with my child myself rather than a stranger getting involv3d. Having said that I think it sounds like her intentions were good.

[wheresthel1ght]

whydid that would have been my normal response and against my better judgement i chose to ignore and take my dd out of the situation and speak to her in what i thought was a relatively quiet voice about why we don't just go off with a stranger.

and hippie why is it unreasonable to have taken my daughter back from some random stranger?? why is that rude and unreasonable in your opinion??

[Hellochicken]

I havent read all replies, but I think the biggest danger in that situation was cars. I think she was being helpful. I dont teach my children that you should never hold a strangers hand. If I think of my own (+4 siblings) childhoods, strangers have more often come to our rescue/been kind. I would hate my children to live in a world where they fear other people. Also I genuinely dont think my children would have understood the dangers, until they were several years older than OPs.
I am the one checking my children dont walk off with strangers, not them. If they are old enough not to need supervised then I probably would tell them not to leave an area and to be aware of people around you. I'd be much more likely to advise them to be polite and helpful if they met a stranger.

[Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost]

Sorry but you were being rude. She was only trying to help. It's small wonder so many people say Hear nothing. See Nothing. Say nothing. People are too fearful of being accused of all kinds

[cathf]

I have read the OP and the first two Pages of responses.
I can't believe what I am reading - at first I thought it was a new spoof thread.
Alas no.
I have posed before about the differences in parenting styles between my contemporaries when my Ds was born in 1993 and my dd was born in 2004. This was magnified again with the birth of my second ds in 2007.
What the op has described in her post sounds like exactly the kind of thing my mum - and me, for that matter, would do. It is helping a mum diffuse a situation and is done with the best of intentions. It would not occur to me that it would not be welcome.
I do wonder if mothers now do not have interest ing enough lives as they seem to have to constantly invent drama to make themselves more interesting?
My now 12-year-old daughter is now like this - every time she goes out there is some dramatic incident that happened to share with her friends on social media.
I assumed this,was an adolescent thing and something she would grow out of, but reading some posts on here, I do wonder.
Hysterical parenting seems to be becoming more and more mainstream, more's the pity
I'll remember this post next time I think about helping someone.

[wheresthel1ght]

cathf i am sorry i am not sure i see your point. some random woman took my dd's hand and walked away with her and i am being over dramatic??

[Only1scoop]

Massive over reaction.

Huge

[wheresthel1ght]

only1 please explain

[IslaSinga]

It very much sounds like the lady was trying to help you with your Dd - helping you to cross the road with her and walk towards the shop that you were also going to. This is something I might also do to help others. You overreacted and behaved in a rude way.

[cathf]

Of course it's an overreaction, I am amazed you can't see that.
I suppose it's an age thing. I see this as helping out and you see it as abduction.
I'm glad I live in my world not yours. It must be exhausting.

[IslaSinga]

Not really sure why you posted tbh - you don't seem to be listening to any feedback you've had.

[cathf]

Validation islasinga.
Proof that she is a good mum.