WIBU - woman taking dd's hand

[wheresthel1ght]

To start out I don't think I was being unreasonable and if anything I think I should have done more but would appreciate some outside input as I have an anxiety disorder and not sure that I wasn't seeing this situation as more than it was.

Pulled into the car park at our local Home Bargains store and was getting dd out the car. She is massively independent but still only 2.10 so I insist on her holding my hand as she has little road sense as with most kids her age. She was refusing and was holding her hands together saying she was being friends I could bloody murder Justin fletcher. Next thing I know some random woman is saying to dd "come and hold my hand" dd obliged and the woman started to walk dd towards the shop.

I grabbed dd's hand and said something along the lines of "this way darling we need to get a trolley" and pulled her away from the woman. I then tried to tell dd that we don't talk to strangers and we never hold hands with them because not all stranger are nice people. The woman must have heard me and as I walked past her in the shop she told me I was rude and unkind and she was only trying to help.

Wibu? I never said anything to her but I wanted to tell her to get her hands off my dd.

[Muddledupme]

I think it's such a balancing act but most people are trying to be helpful. I stopped a little girl from going into the men's communal changing rooms at the gym last week. She had obviously been taught stranger danger and was wary and said that her mum was in there changing her sister. I explained that I didn't want her to hold my hand but would open the door to the ladies and she could see if her mum was there and if not I would take her to the desk. Mum was very grateful when I explained as she was trying to contain an explosion in a swimmer nappy and had assumed her daughter could tell the difference between male and female as written on the doors.

[FuriousFate]

Also wanted to add that I don't think your anxiety had anything to do with your reaction at all. To me, if anything, you were too polite!

[OneFlewOverTheDodosNest]

I think it's understandable how you reacted, although perhaps you could have moved a little further away before talking about strangers but then it's not teaching in the moment.

I imagine the woman was embarrassed which is why she reacted like she did - unless you're somewhere outside the UK? I know that whenever we went to Italy we were taken off by well meaning neighbours and my Mum used to go spare!

[SofiaAmes]

RebelRogue You offered first which was the appropriate thing to do and what the woman in the OP's scenario should have done. Your scenario hits home for me because I can't watch a swing swinging without getting seasick and dd loved going on the swings, so I had to ask strangers if they would mind pushing her on the swings. I got a lot of strange looks. Wish I had met you back then. Dd is now 13 and does lots of other things that make me seasick :)

[moomin11]

YANBU, I wouldn't be happy if someone did this either.

[wheresthel1ght]

Rebel had she asked that would have been very different. I could have thanked her for her kindness and declined it politely. Instead she took my dd's hand and walked her away from me. In my book that is not on.

[Cornberry]

I think it was weird of that woman to do that and I would have been very surprised and not sure how to react.

[wheresthel1ght]

Greenfder what exactly about what I said was lousy??

[PastaLaFeasta]

I'd find it very undermining and interfering. There was no reason for the woman to "help", you were in control and are the parent. This woman overstepped the boundary.

Actually, reading more it sounds rather creepy - a stranger approaching my child, taking her hand and leading her away from me would freak me out. I live in London so it's more unusual for people to approach strangers for no reason. I had a woman manhandle my child in an interfering way - there was something she didn't approve of but wasn't aware of why it was that way. I'm convinced she interfered because she thought I looked like a 'young' mum and was very disapproving, I suspect it wouldn't have happened to an 'older' mum. I'm older than I look apparently - I have been tutted at recently when I said I had two kids. It's probably not always a bad thing and that sometimes people think young mums need more help, rather than thinking badly of them as I've experienced.

[WorraLiberty]

The thing is OP, no matter how you felt about the situation, there really was no need to make a kind (if a bit misguided) woman feel like shit.

And saying dd we don't talk to strangers and we never hold hands with them because not all strangers are nice people loud enough for the woman to hear, would definitely have made her feel like shit.

[FuriousFate]

Worra - why should the feelings of the interfering woman count more than those of the OP, who was happily going about her businessential before interfering woman stepped in? You don't know for a fact that the woman was kind but misguided. Perhaps she made the OP feel like shit. And no one would have been feeling any of these things if interfering woman hadn't interfered in the first place...

[wheresthel1ght]

Worra the more I think about it the more I really don't care and am more on the opinion iwbu. She tried to lead my child away when there was absolutely no need. Yes she could well have been trying to help but equally she could have been trying to take her - I am not prepared to take that risk

[FuriousFate]

*business

[wheresthel1ght]

Iwnbu poxy autocorrect

[Hamishandthefoxes]

I think you are right. My children do karate where they go a lot of work on danger alert. The absolutely key lesson they're taught is never to go anywhere with anyone for any reason unless parents have expressly agreed.

If challenged they are taught to respond that their safety is more important than someone else's feelings.

The lady was absolutely wrong yo take your daughters hand and walk off with her without your permission.

[WorraLiberty]

To be fair, you've been clear from the start that you don't think you were BU, so I'm not sure why you started the thread.

Anyway no harm done.

And may I suggest the 'underarm shopping bag hold', the next time your DD refuses to hold your hand

My youngest is 13 now, so it doesn't work so well.

[FuriousFate]

If the woman had been as kind as some people seem to (be gullible enough to) believe, she would have apologised for having overstepped the mark when she overheard the OP's comment. She wouldn't have immediately gone on the defensive and called the OP rude. That's like sticking two fingers up at the OP and saying not only do I think you can't deal with your own child, I have the right to interfere where it's none of my business whatsoever, and not face any kind of comeback.

[WorraLiberty]

Oh but I meant to say.... Yes she could well have been trying to help but equally she could have been trying to take her - I am not prepared to take that risk

I think that's a bit silly and I'm quite sure you knew she wasn't trying to 'take her'. She'd have to be a bit thick to do it right under your nose and that slowly too.

[hippiedays]

You overreacted. It might be better to teach your child to ask you first before she wanders off but teaching her that all strangers are dangerous will terrify her as well as making her very unsure who she can ask for help should she get lost etc.

[wheresthel1ght]

Hippie would you feel the same if your 2yo was taken away from you by a complete stranger?

I didn't yell at the stupid woman, I didn't do anything other then tell MY Child that not all strangers are nice and we don't just hold hand with them or talk to them. I fail to see how that is unreasonable and so far none of you who seem to think I was can actually offer a concise explanation as to how I am supposed to have over reacted or been rude

[Hamishandthefoxes]

My children have been taught at karate since the age of 3/4 the following rules which seem to me to be sensible:

Most strangers are lovely
How do you tell which ones aren't?
You can't. So to protect yourself don't go with someone without telling someone where you're going.

This is completely consistent with advice about online dating etc.

The woman completely overstepped this perfectly reasonable boundary by not asking the op whether she was happy for her to march off with her very young daughter, and in walking off with her.

[squiggleirl]

I think you over-reacted. I think the other woman could have handled it better, but your reaction was far more unreasonable than what she did. She did not try to take your child away from you. She tried to help you and you treated her as if her only intent was to mistreat/harm your child. A massive over reaction given you were standing right there, watching what was happening.

[WorraLiberty]

and so far none of you who seem to think I was can actually offer a concise explanation as to how I am supposed to have over reacted or been rude

I have. I said I think the fact you said it loud enough for her to hear, probably made her feel like shit for trying to help.

Imo that is rude.

A simple "No thank you" or similar would have done. Then you only had to wait a minute for her to get out of earshot.

[wheresthel1ght]

Squiggle how was taking her hand and taking away from random woman over reacting??

[wheresthel1ght]

Worra I have also accepted on several posts that I should ah e apologised but I still fail to see how discussing with my daughter basic personal safety is unreasonable