WIBU - woman taking dd's hand

[wheresthel1ght]

To start out I don't think I was being unreasonable and if anything I think I should have done more but would appreciate some outside input as I have an anxiety disorder and not sure that I wasn't seeing this situation as more than it was.

Pulled into the car park at our local Home Bargains store and was getting dd out the car. She is massively independent but still only 2.10 so I insist on her holding my hand as she has little road sense as with most kids her age. She was refusing and was holding her hands together saying she was being friends I could bloody murder Justin fletcher. Next thing I know some random woman is saying to dd "come and hold my hand" dd obliged and the woman started to walk dd towards the shop.

I grabbed dd's hand and said something along the lines of "this way darling we need to get a trolley" and pulled her away from the woman. I then tried to tell dd that we don't talk to strangers and we never hold hands with them because not all stranger are nice people. The woman must have heard me and as I walked past her in the shop she told me I was rude and unkind and she was only trying to help.

Wibu? I never said anything to her but I wanted to tell her to get her hands off my dd.

[happymumof4crazykids]

You were in no way overreacting I would have been really pissed off if anyone tried to do this to my child! I would also never presume to get involved with anyone trying to get their child to do something especially if I didn't know them! Nobody has a right to touch anyone else's child without permission regardless of their intentions.

[SirChenjin]

Luck.

[AppleSetsSail]

OK, Furiosa, I guess I have no choice. I'll report back this evening.

Wish me luck.

[Furiosa]

Apple Yes.

Now comply.

[Furiosa]

Apple op says:

She took my daughter and led her away from me. there was at no point a discussion with myself and dd or random woman as to where i was going. there are several shops where Home Bargains was - so random woman had absolutely no idea where i was going.

So point 3 still stands. You may deduce were the parents is going but ultimately you do not know.

She wasn't trying to run off. She was just playing the silly game she does over hand holding. She was in absolutely no danger whatsoever.

This is normal parent child interaction and does not include a tantrum, an argument or danger. Point 4 still stands.

My experiment is an as close to exact replication of OP's situation. Please participate at your earliest convince.

[AppleSetsSail]

Eek! Do you mean that everyone on this thread who thinks the OP was being unreasonable is going to be drafted into the experiment?

[SirChenjin]

And for overhelp read 'intervene in a situation without asking the parent first if they needed her help, take a child by the hand and lead it away from the parent'.

Once you've incorporated your minor tweaks and you've fully grasped what overhelp actually means, do let us know how you get on Apple. If you're easily upset though, I'd suggest you don't try this one - you might find that you choose a parent who isn't quite as restrained at the OP.

[AppleSetsSail]

With a few minor tweaks, Furiosa

3. You should have no idea where the parent or child's intended destination is.

Pulled into the car park at our local Home Bargains store........the woman started to walk dd towards the shop.

[clicknclack]

You were rude and unkind. You should have said something like "I appreciate you being kind to us but I''m more comfortable if my daughter stays close to me "

Whether or not you thought the woman could hear you, your daughter could hear you. If you want to abide by stranger danger then she should hear the message that the lady was being very kind but mummy doesn't know her and she needs to stay near you.

[Furiosa]

What about a "social experiment" for those who think this is an ok thing to do?

Step 1. Find your mark:

1. A parent and child in a public place.
   

1. You must not know either parent or child.
   

1. You should have no idea where the parent or child's intended destination is.
   

1. Parent and child should not be having an argument, there should be no tantrum and the child should not be trying to run away from their parent.
   

Step 2. The experiment:

Walk up to the child. Make no attempt at conversation with the parent. Take the child's hand and begin walking away from the parent. To be fair you should say "come and hold my hand".

You may chose to walk towards a shop however you must not disclose your intended destination to the parent. Remember at this point you are not to talk to the parent at all.

If at any time the parent or child becomes alarmed you can always use the phrase "I am being helpful".

For added flourish, if the parent reacts negatively, call them "rude"

From the story the OP has maintained throughout this thread these are the only parameters.

Step 3:

Let us know how that went.

Disclaimer: This experiment is conducted at your own risk. I accept absolutely no responsibility for the outcome of this experiment. I will not be liable for damages to any person's physical self, ego or property.

[SirChenjin]

Oh look - more rewriting. How funny.

[Kelechi]

Did the lady acknowledge you in any way? Eye contact? A hello? A smile? If she did then I think you are being unreasonable. If not then I think she was just as rude as you were even if she meant well and can understand that you were annoyed. I have no problem with strangers offering help or comfort to my child and don't expect them to ask my permission either but I do prefer it when they acknowledge me and I wouldn't dream of stepping in with someone's little one and not doing the same especially where the parent is in a battle of wills with their child.
That said, I think giving the stranger danger talk at all whether within earshot or not was unnecessary as at that age they aren't ever likely to be in a situation where a stranger is going to be able to take them off as you'll never be far away and you tend to keep them within sight. I see so many children out and about who seem all uncomfortable and insecure when someone says hello to them and they don't say hello back and I often wonder if that's down to over zealous stranger danger talks!!
In similar situations where someone's butted in and not acknowledged me but they are having more success getting my child to do what I need them to do I've bit my tongue and gone along with it because I'm already stressed out and if I did say something it would come out all angry and I'd be the one looking stupid. More often than not, I say thank you at the end and the person has a few kind and reassuring words for me too!!

[amarmai]

Why are a few pps so determined to slate the op? Wonder how they wd have reacted if someone walked off with their 2 year old? Assuming they have cc----maybe not. Pretending to be the cc'parent / minder is what child abductors do.There are many examples of this , as the police will be happy to tell you. Hopefully this thread will help to get that message out.

[SirChenjin]

where - honestly, don't react to this. AIBU is an invitation to some posters to come out with all sorts of guff. Maybe worth hiding the thread and not giving them any more of your head space?

[nocake]

The message your child needs is not "don't talk to strangers" it is "don't go off with strangers". This woman took your child away from you without your permission. Whatever her intentions that's not acceptable. If she wanted to help she should have asked you.

If this happened to me I'd go ape sh*t on her and would consider calling the police.

[wheresthel1ght]

Wtaf???

Where have I said I wasn't coping??? RTFT and stop twisting it to suit an agenda to attack me

[beautifuldaytosavelives]

I don't think YABU. Agree with other posters about balancing the need for 'stranger danger' against what they might need to do if lost etc, but I would not have appreciated that kind of help.

[Maybenot321]

[SirChenjin]

Well, it is AIBU. Wouldn't be the same without some posters rewriting the OP to get a good old dig in.

[Maybenot321]

SirChenjin agreed!
Lilac, Rebel et al must have read a different opening post ...

[SirChenjin]

Not This.

What utter rubbish. The only rewriting was by Rebel.

[AppleSetsSail]

No one tried to take your child!!! But you seem to have convinced yourself that you foiled some kind of nefarious plan and barely managed to save your child's life. If that makes you feel better fair enough but it doesn't mean it actually happened or that it will become true if you keep repeating it.
You child was not snatched,kidnapped or taken away. Your child was never out of your sight. Your child wasn't in any danger. Not saying the woman was right or that she shouldn't have asked for permission,or just keep walking but you are being OTT and rewriting the whole incident in your head like some sort of sordid affair.

This.

[tootyflooty]

I'm sorry , but what person in the right mind would actually take another persons child by the hand and lead them off. She could have come over to you by the car and offered to hold her hand if she wanted to help. It would have been different if your child had run off and she grabbed her for safety until you had caught up. I think I would have just thanked her though, and then had a quiet word with your dd later.

[RebelRogue]

No one tried to take your child!!! But you seem to have convinced yourself that you foiled some kind of nefarious plan and barely managed to save your child's life. If that makes you feel better fair enough but it doesn't mean it actually happened or that it will become true if you keep repeating it.
You child was not snatched,kidnapped or taken away. Your child was never out of your sight. Your child wasn't in any danger. Not saying the woman was right or that she shouldn't have asked for permission,or just keep walking but you are being OTT and rewriting the whole incident in your head like some sort of sordid affair.