WIBU - woman taking dd's hand

[wheresthel1ght]

To start out I don't think I was being unreasonable and if anything I think I should have done more but would appreciate some outside input as I have an anxiety disorder and not sure that I wasn't seeing this situation as more than it was.

Pulled into the car park at our local Home Bargains store and was getting dd out the car. She is massively independent but still only 2.10 so I insist on her holding my hand as she has little road sense as with most kids her age. She was refusing and was holding her hands together saying she was being friends I could bloody murder Justin fletcher. Next thing I know some random woman is saying to dd "come and hold my hand" dd obliged and the woman started to walk dd towards the shop.

I grabbed dd's hand and said something along the lines of "this way darling we need to get a trolley" and pulled her away from the woman. I then tried to tell dd that we don't talk to strangers and we never hold hands with them because not all stranger are nice people. The woman must have heard me and as I walked past her in the shop she told me I was rude and unkind and she was only trying to help.

Wibu? I never said anything to her but I wanted to tell her to get her hands off my dd.

[AlbertaWildRose]

I do not think YWBU at all, and I am amazed that some people do. Leading a child by the hand away from their mother is completely inappropriate. If she really wanted to be helpful she could have asked you if there was something she could do. I really don't think the whole 'it takes a village' thing is applicable here at all; a child should be taught not to walk off with people (strangers or not) unless their parent says it's ok.

[hownottofuckup]

YANBU she was inappropriate.
If you don't want people to be 'rude' don't try walking off with their DC. It's pretty simple really. There was no need for this woman to act as she did.

[hownottofuckup]

Alberta totally agree, always tell DC they are not to go off with anyone without telling me first.

[Toria2014]

Yanbu. If she wanted to help she should have asked if you wanted it! I would be very upset if a stranger took my daughter's hand and led her away. How rude!

[wheresthel1ght]

For clarity - I was stood next to dd on the path by the car. I had not mentioned where I was going, the woman appeared after I had asked dd to hold my hand and immediately said to dd "come and hold my hand" which dd did and then the woman started walking off. I walked up, took dd's hand and took her to the trolleys. I can only assume that she had followed me or had hovered near me to have overheard the subsequent conversation.

On answer to Lou I have no idea what I thought other than she was well out of order and i wasn't sure if I should actually have tackled her inappropriate behaviour directly.

[wheresthel1ght]

Alberta that is an excellent way of phrasing it. Will be sure to steal borrow that when I next discuss what is safe with dd.

[ghostspirit]

it would not have bothered me as they were right next to you. it not happend to me in a while. but when my kids were little and might have a tantrum or something like that if a stranger says something the child seems to stop the tantrum. seems good to me :)

[AlbertaWildRose]

There are times when it is necessary to be polite, but when someone you don't know has just come up and taken the hand of your child and is leading them away, that is not one of those times. You were perfectly within your rights to tell your daughter what you did. Five minutes later, when the woman was out of earshot, and your DD might have forgotten all about it.

[Greenyogagirl]

I think most mothers automatically react that way with a little one, maybe she thought she was being helpful as it was clear a tantrum was going to happen, I tend to walk with them and when across the road say thank you.
Also stranger danger - if dd is lost do you want her to be too scared to ask for help? If she has hurt herself should she wait for you it ask for help? I teach my son to find a mummy or daddy with children or to go into a shop and find a worker if he loses me etc

[Maybenot321]

ghostspirit not the same scenario at all. This particular woman didn't just say something to diffuse a tantrum. She instructed the child to hold her hand and then turned away and led the child away from the mother!!

[wheresthel1ght]

Greeny no tantrum was imminent I assure you! She was laughing at me and being playful. She would have taken my hand had the random woman not interfered!

Dd is 2.10 (as already mentioned) she has the attention span of a peanut as do all kids her age. Waiting to talk to her about it would have rendered the conversation pointless as she wouldn't remember the woman taking her away from me.

[wheresthel1ght]

X post with Alberta

[ShadowsInTheDarkness]

Around here this situation would be quite common. People often take DDs hand and lead her off the bus while Im trying to get DS into the pushchair at our stop. Or they will take her hand to cross the road, or lead her across a carpark while Im wrangling DS. In all those situations Ive lost sight of DD for a few minutes but Ive never seen it as an issue. Its a sleepy little town, no one would get very far with DD before I could catch up. This year she started school and on several mornings when its been chucking it down (we walk) Ive bundled her into the car of someone I dont know, because theyve stopped and offered to take her along with their own kids to save us walking down single track country roads in pouring rain. I guess living very rurally might make a difference? But no the situation described wouldnt bother me.

[Greenyogagirl]

So you and dd are stood by the car and some random woman takes dd hand and leads her away? If so then you are not being unreasonable that's v weird and probably should be reported to security.
I took it that as she was refusing maybe that was escalating and the woman thought she was being helpful and was holding her hand and crossing the road with you

[timelytess]

I must be being exceptionally thick. I genuinely don't understand why the majority of you think this is ok!
Because this MN. Most posters can't imagine what it's like in the real world and if they could, they wouldn't admit it. Anyone with a concern is 'over-reacting'.
Just to be clear OP, the woman who took your child's hand was wrong. Either, she was trying to be helpful, or she was trying to steal your child, or she just thought she was a better 'mummy' than you. Whatever. She had no right to take hold of your child. She should have said to you, 'Can I help?' or better still, kept her nose out. Had your child been about to run in front of a moving vehicle, any nearby person should stop the child, but that wasn't the case here. You did the right thing in taking the child away - life's too short to spend time analysing the motivations of passers-by. Deal with the situation as you find it - and that's what you did. Good for you.

[PirateFairy45]

Yeah, she was only trying to help. She wasn't trying to run away with your DD.

To be fair, if you'd have posted this 2 years ago when my daughter was 1, if have said you were right in your reaction. Anxiety clouds your views, so I understand why you said that.

If you wanna pm me, feel free. I was so bad that I had a major panic attack it my windows and doors were not locked all times. Even now I struggle. If I go out with her and she walked more than 2 metres in front of me, I can feel my blood pressure raising.

[amarmai]

You are right to teach your child what she needs to know in the teachable moment. You were talking privately to your child and the woman was crossing boundaries non stop. She did not get your ok before she walked off with your dd and you had to pull your dd away from her to talk to her. NO ,op, you were not rude, she was.A random person does not have any rights as far as your child is concerned.

[Tanito279]

My DD is the same age and the same about holding hands. In your situation, I'd have followed right behind DD and the lady and said thank you when they got to the shop. THEN I would have talked to DD about strangers and holding hands. But then I'm quite relaxed and appreciate help when it is offered.

[WorraLiberty]

In your shoes I would have smiled, taken your child's hand and said "Oh no it's ok thank you. We're going to get a trolley".

But then again, if my kids ever refused to hold my hand, they got lifted up and tucked under my arm with my shopping bags

[greenfolder]

People are saying you are over reacting because you were to most people's minds. And there were far kinder ways of dealing with it than saying something so lousy that a kind hearted soul could over hear. A smile at the lady and a thank you followed by a quick "I am trying to teach her to hold my hand or similar" is enough.
Recently I was walking along the front at Minehead. A women, her tiny daughter and her mother were coming towards me. A fees steps ahead was a middle aged man. As the tiny one came along she picked a dandelion from the road. As the man approached she beamed at this and gave it to him. How sweet. Except both mother and grandmother started shouting at her that she didn't know him and she must never give things to men she didn't know. Ffs.

[whydidhesaythat]

Random woman was being unreasonable

yanbu

[FuriousFate]

I don't think you did anything wrong, OP. There's nothing worse than some do-gooder offering their opinion or trying to be 'helpful' when you have a toddler who's refusing to do what you ask. She should not have touched your child, she should not have tried to lead her away from you and she should not have commented when you, completely unsurprisingly, were not at all grateful for her nosy-parkering ways. Sounds like she was very socially unaware and you did well to stay so calm. I'd have given her both barrels - how dare she touch a child she doesn't know, when said child is perfectly safe and with her own mother?! The mind boggles...

[RatherBeIndoors]

YWNBU at all in my view, and in your shoes I suspect I would have been fairly impolite in my response. I would never take a child's hand when they were standing by their parent, unless the parent asked me to, and even then I would hesitate if I didn't know the family. Not because I personally am a huge risk (I hope!) but because I don't know them - could it trigger huge distress for a child, are their other needs I know nothing about, could it distress the parent...?There are a million reasons it's a bad idea. Unless the child was heading for a busy road with no adult nearby, it's not my place to intervene except maybe an eye roll and a sympathetic grin at the mum

[RebelRogue]

Last week at the park a little girl kept asking her mum to push her on the swings.mum was busy feeding the baby so said no. I said i'd do it. Then the mum did the most unbelievable thing ever...she thanked me!!!

[WomanActually]

I don't think YABU OP.

I would not grab a child's hand that I don't know unless they were about to do something dangerous, like step in front of a moving car etc.

If I saw a Parent struggling to manage to watch their dc while getting shopping in car etc I'd ask they needed a hand (no pun intended) I wouldn't dream of just grabbing their dcs hand without asking, no matter how helpful I thought I was being. It doesn't sound like you were struggling and your dd wasn't stepping into the road, I can see I'm in the minority by the responses, but I can't see why anyone would think it's appropriate to take the hand of an unknown child and lead them away when they are not in danger and their parent is dealing with them.

I would have reacted the same I think, it's not about thinking she wanted to kidnap and harm the child, I'd feel undermimed and probably judged too. Like they thought I can't teach my own child about crossing and need random strangers to intervene.

Like I say, in this situation,in wouldn't be worried that she was trying to harm my child, but I don't think you telling dd not to walk of with unknown adults just because they told her too is an over reaction or that it will make dc afraid of all strangers. As a child a man tried to get me to go with him to his house, he was very friendly and polite but I knew that I shouldn't go and ran like fuck away from him, but I was comfortable holding a shop assistants hand after I'd gotten lost from Mum and asked her to help me find her.