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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Rude wedding invitation?

509 replies

PumpkinPies38 · 10/06/2016 22:17

I have NC for this as could out me.

Today we received a wedding invitation and I think it's grabby but it's from a cousin and am not rally in a position to say anything.

So the first thing is it's a two day celebration in another county within the UK. They have said we have to pay our share of the venue accommodation which is £120 for our room and included their bank details for this!

Then at the bottom of the invitation it says: "Gift cards or cash gifts only please."

I've spoken to my mum who is Shock but thinks we shouldn't say anything to upset them but I want to call them on this. We couldn't really stay at a different location as its in the middle of nowhere. Surely they should pay the accommodation? Realistically we would need two nights as the thing starts early on the Saturday and continues into Sunday night with various meals and games. I want to call them on it but don't know if I should or not.

OP posts:
PotteringAlong · 10/06/2016 22:19

Of course they shouldn't pay for the accommodation! If you want to stay do, if you don't, stay elsewhere!

Original poster
PumpkinPies38 · 10/06/2016 22:20

The place is in the middle of nowhere and it's not an option it's just a "you owe us xx for your share of the accommodation please transfer to this account."

Am I missing something or is this normal? So now the bride and groom decide where their guests stay and invoice them for it before the event?

OP posts:
Crispbutty · 10/06/2016 22:21

you dont actually have to go you know..

MilkTwoSugarsThanks · 10/06/2016 22:21

Just politely decline the invitation. No drama necessary.

MrsHathaway · 10/06/2016 22:22

Why should they pay? I get that it's inconvenient and selfish to choose such an extravagant celebration, but you'd have to be a zillionaire to cover everybody's accommodation costs.

Accept or decline.

BernardsarenotalwaysSaints · 10/06/2016 22:22

I've always paid for my own accommodation at weddings. It's my choice if I stay not the bride & grooms.

LittleReindeerwithcloggson · 10/06/2016 22:22

It's usual to have to pay for your own accommodation if you go to a wedding! You're either going to have to go and pay or make your excuses

CodyKing · 10/06/2016 22:22

Whats included in the £120? Just a room or all food entertainment etc?

How can a wedding last 2 days? What's wrong with 4 hours

ThatsMyStapler · 10/06/2016 22:23

just decline it

as they say on Mumsnet "its an invitation, not a summons"

MrsHathaway · 10/06/2016 22:23

Cross posted.

Is that how they actually put it? Have they discussed logistics with you beforehand? Or maybe with your family, speaking on your behalf?

FoxesSitOnBoxes · 10/06/2016 22:24

Where on earth is it that there is no where else to stay?

IFailDaily · 10/06/2016 22:25

£120 for two of you (including breakfast?) isn't so bad is it?
If you want to go, then go. If not, well don't.
It's pretty unusual to expect the bride and groom to pay for your accomadation isn't it?

Original poster
PumpkinPies38 · 10/06/2016 22:25

I just know accommodation is £120. I would expect to pay for my own accommodation at a wedding in the circumstances where I travel to a city and choose a hotel but not when the bride and groom pre book a wedding venue and then divide the cost by the number of guests and charge it back to them.

If this was the other way round and the bride posted: "I want to get married in this venue but have to book exclusive use can I ask each guest to pay £120 for a room I choose or they don't attend?" What would you say?

OP posts:
RunLillian · 10/06/2016 22:27

It's usual to pay for your own accommodation but not to have it dictated to you as a foregone conclusion. It's usually more 'here's the venue, we've provisonally booked X rooms, mention the wedding to get 10% off the usual rate for b&b'.

EasternDailyStress · 10/06/2016 22:27

Sounds incredibly grabby to me. If you invite someone, they are a guest and should be paid for, or at the very least given an option for somewhere less expensive. And as for "gift cards or cash only", I think that's so presumptuous. You don't ask for gifts, people offer them to you. I would just reply saying that you're not coming, without explaining why. People act like they're entitled to certain things these days, and it just seems so selfish to me.

And what on earth are the games they've got planned? That would probably be enough to put me off anyway Grin

Junosmum · 10/06/2016 22:27

The gift bit sounds grabby if it's written as you wrote it.

They haven't decided where you stay- you could stay elsewhere, even if it's inconvenient. They aren't forcing you.

wheresthel1ght · 10/06/2016 22:28

I think yabu. There are several hotels near where I live who will only do exclusive weddings so the b&g have to pay for all the hotel rooms. We looked at this when stbxh and I got married. The rooms would have worked out at a similar cost.

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 10/06/2016 22:28

Have they already booked and paid for the venue and accomodation?

If it was "We're holding it at The Grange. If you'd like to stay there , we've arranged a really good deal with them, you can secure a room for £120. Or there are other hotels 5 miles away"

But if they've booked and paid without asking people then more fool them Shock.

RestlessTraveller · 10/06/2016 22:29

Don't call them on it, it's ill-mannered and unnecessary. Just politely decline if you don't want to go.

YouMakeMyDreams · 10/06/2016 22:32

There was a thread recently where the bride had asked how to tell people that they needed to stay at the venue as the hotel stated in their t&c's that guest must be resident and she was slates for it. This is just the same situation but from a guest perspective.
Yes I would expect to pay for accommodation. Yes I may opt to stay at the venue itself for ease. But the point is I would resent having that choice taken away from me. I want to choose how to spend my money not be told how to spend it. I pick a hotel that suits my budget and needs and yep I'd be pretty pissed off having it chosen for me

Muddlingalongalone · 10/06/2016 22:33

It would have been better to say please let us know if you want to stay, rooms are £120 but I don't think it's worth getting upset about. Either go or don't.
I personally like staying where a wedding is - no hassle with taxis, space for time out if it's a long day & seeing everyone the next morning to compare hangovers/sore feet & memories of the previous day.

Orda1 · 10/06/2016 22:33

God I hate this, it's just a way of getting you to pay for their OTT wedding.

Fair enough if you want to stay there and asked them about it but bank details on the invite? How utterly classless.

Orda1 · 10/06/2016 22:33

Ps I assume one of them is from other country?

Muddlingalongalone · 10/06/2016 22:34

Gift cards or cash only if written like that is rude though.

kiki22 · 10/06/2016 22:35

I wouldn't be happy at being asked for my share to me it should be something along the lines of we have booked some rooms if you want one contact us for details.

Regarding cash requests I hate it, we went to a wedding hundreds of miles away that cost us a fortune and were asked for money toward their dream honeymoon, they earn 3 times as much as most of the family and go several holidays a year anyway so I gave them nothing but the pleasure of our company Grin

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