Rude wedding invitation?

[PumpkinPies38]

I have NC for this as could out me.

Today we received a wedding invitation and I think it's grabby but it's from a cousin and am not rally in a position to say anything.

So the first thing is it's a two day celebration in another county within the UK. They have said we have to pay our share of the venue accommodation which is £120 for our room and included their bank details for this!

Then at the bottom of the invitation it says: "Gift cards or cash gifts only please."

I've spoken to my mum who is but thinks we shouldn't say anything to upset them but I want to call them on this. We couldn't really stay at a different location as its in the middle of nowhere. Surely they should pay the accommodation? Realistically we would need two nights as the thing starts early on the Saturday and continues into Sunday night with various meals and games. I want to call them on it but don't know if I should or not.

How about just saying "no thanks".

Always a fucking drama about 'grabby' weddings on this site.

Bride and groom don't normally pay for accommodation for guests, so YABU to expect this.

However, they are being unreasonable to plan a 2 day celebration and assume that guests will fork out for accommodation they have no choice about for 2 nights.

So, these are your choices:

Comply
Decline the invitation completely
Just go for the actual ceremony and reception, stay one night
Just go for the ceremony and reception, don't stay over at all

No need to make a big deal out of this. Yes, they are being presumptuous and irritating but you can be assertive without having a row.

I'd decline. They aren't going to magically change and become less tacky, so there's no pout "calling them on it". Just don't go.

Because KMA often these requests come from family and it's not just as simple as politely declining.

I think you may have explained it wrong but I could be wrong too, is it like this:

People we know (this is true) booked an exclusive wedding in a place in the middle of nowhere, cost to them for the night, including all bedrooms, wedding meals/reception/drinks reception was 10k, it had 50 rooms (figures not exact) so they told all guests that it was 200e for accommodation, they were delighted - well of course they were because the reception was included so their wedding reception didn't cost them a fecking penney and they didn't get why people were and they asked for cash gifts, grabby bastards - is that the case???

How far in the middle of nowhere is it?

They're not dictating where you stay. I find it difficult to believe that there is nowhere to stay within, say, an hour's travelling distance, so I'm sure you could find somewhere else if you want.

Orda1

Why can't people say no to family?

It's a cousin, not their sibling or child/parent/* insert close relation of choice.

It's another county, Orda, not another country.

Well some people can't, cousins are close in some families.

YANBU. They have chosen an expensive venue and are expecting guests to subsidise it. It's more usual to have a one day wedding and provide guests with a list of local hotels to suit all budgets.

What the op means, I think, by "middle of nowhere" is something like a manor house in the middle of a rural country estate. If there is no public transport/taxi and the next village is only 2 miles away, it's still "in the middle of nowhere" because people won't be able to drive due to drinking.

Sorry! I read country in the UK!

Can't you go and just not stay? You don't have to stay late into the evening or go to the Sunday stuff. We've driven home (or to a cheap hotel) when we've struggled to afford to stay at expensive venues.

it's still "in the middle of nowhere" because people won't be able to drive due to drinking

Would it be a total disaster for one person not to get pissed?

Whilst I would expect to pay for my accommodation I wouldn't expect it to be dictated.

Dh's friend got married at a country club b type place in the middle of nowhere but about 15 miles from a seaside town. My parents chose to site their caravan in a nearby campsite & we all stayed there.

Don't want to say too much but wedding is in very remote part of Wales. As far as I can glean from talking to my mum who knows more about it than I do they've hired a castle and paid up front. The castle is exclusive hire and they have to hire all the rooms. Don't know what the whole cost is obviously. I could go and not stay there but it's a 5 hour drive from me and nearest B and B is 45 mins away in country roads and no local taxi service so it's pay up or don't go.

The wording of the gift but is exactly as I wrote it.

No idea what the games consist of.

Ridiculous venue then. I wouldn't go.

Yeah, general consensus on reverse situation posted recently would support you OP! Look it up, it's a goody.

I hate the way weddings have become such a tin shaking exercise for cash donations. The whole point of wedding gifts originally was to help set up a new couple in a new home in the days where kids went straight from childhood home to the marital home. These days most people cohabit before getting married or have acquired plenty of house-setting-uppy tat along the way. We got married within the last ten years and had a no presents please rule at our wedding but had an oxfam unwrapped list which some people chose to dip into but others didn't. It felt so much better than having a day in John Lewis before the wedding to see what luxury but unnecessary crap we wanted people to buy for us. So personally I hate cash requests as much as I hate wedding lists but can see that no list means no idea and the receipt of fourteen toasters or other sundry crap. So it's a minefield really and I don't really have any answers, just a general dislike for how materialistic modern weddings have become. It's supposed to be about the love isn't it, not the Magimix?

I have been to a wedding with a very similar setup but the rooms were much more expensive (close to £300 per night) and whilst I felt it was expensive, I wouldn't have ever expected the B&G to pay for me to stay. After all, i got to enjoy a lovely hotel and even if there was nowhere nearby to stay, I could have travelled to another town and got a cab in if I'd really wanted to save money. Surely it can't be that remote. YABU.

Sorry I just read your post about 45min drive to nearest location. In that case, if it's a big deal, I'd decline. I still think YABU.

sounds like they got a deal on the hotel by booking in rooms as well and are getting you and the other guests to stump up the cost.

Part of me wants to know how much the whole package is and what % the guests are paying so I can really judge how grabby they are

Also... I would be inclined to put monopoly money in an envelope for them I may have done this with my sister

I don't think it was the same situation inlove. That wedding all the guests had to stay to attend since the hotel wouldn't let non residents enter for the wedding. The op still has a choice to go and not stay (even if it isn't a particularly convenient one).

Gift cards or cash only if written like that is rude though.

This. That's outrageous. They might as well write 'Don't give us any tat you've chosen yourself.'

RSVP no thanks and send it with a toaster.