Rude wedding invitation?

[PumpkinPies38]

I have NC for this as could out me.

Today we received a wedding invitation and I think it's grabby but it's from a cousin and am not rally in a position to say anything.

So the first thing is it's a two day celebration in another county within the UK. They have said we have to pay our share of the venue accommodation which is £120 for our room and included their bank details for this!

Then at the bottom of the invitation it says: "Gift cards or cash gifts only please."

I've spoken to my mum who is but thinks we shouldn't say anything to upset them but I want to call them on this. We couldn't really stay at a different location as its in the middle of nowhere. Surely they should pay the accommodation? Realistically we would need two nights as the thing starts early on the Saturday and continues into Sunday night with various meals and games. I want to call them on it but don't know if I should or not.

Augusta- they pretty much Are dictating that guests stay at the venue. They are doing a ckawback and effectively charging guests so their bill is smaller.

whilst I do think guests should pay for their own accommodation, I really don't like this exclusive use thing that's cropping up more often. It takes choice away from guests and it's grabby.

I wouldn't bother calling them out on it. What's the point?

Either go or don't go. Alternatively, if you want to go but don't want to pay £120 a night then you could phone them up and ask if you can stay elsewhere, if they say no then you can choose not to go.

It's that simple.

The worst thing to do is to pay the £120 a night, give them a cash present and bitch and whine about it. Either do it all happily (or relatively happily) or don't bother.

YABU to expect them to pay for the accommodation.

YANBU to decline and not indulge these greedy feckers.

It's unreasonable for them to choose a place that has expensive rooms with no alternative.

They're expecting their guests to fund their dream wedding.

If I were going to hire a castle that needed you to hire the bedrooms as part of the deal (which some do), I would only do that if I were so wealthy to be able to pay for it all myself.

BTW - I can't believe that there is anywhere in Wales that's 45 mins from a B and B

BTW - I can't believe that there is anywhere in Wales that's 45 mins from a B and B

I'm also very surprised by this. I know North Wales pretty well and I'm really struggling to think where it might be.

Purple - I think you're right, but the general conversation in that thread addressed the main issue of getting a swanky wedding venue which you can't really afford and then getting your guests to essentially pay for it, which is the same in both these scenarios. I blame Disney, all these bloody women wanting to get married in a fucking castle like some cartoon character.

GloriaGaynor I agree with you.

I just don't get this new wave of weddings, dictating costs to guests and openly dictating cash or gift cards only. It's the out and out rudeness which offends me and makes me not want to attend what is supposed to be a celebration. Since when did this kind of behaviour become acceptable?

I'm torn between going and resenting the rudeness, or not going and offending and upsetting half of the family. I hate having to indulge what I see as bad behaviour just because someone is getting married, and treating rude people with kid gloves in order not to cause myself even more hassle and offend.

£120 per couple per night in a castle in Wales? Sounds fab,

Gift list/cash request clearly bollocksy annoying though.

£120 isn't that much for accommodation and it's always loads better when you stay at the venue. The wording re gifts is grabby but otherwise I don't see the issue.

*So the first thing is it's a two day celebration in another county within the UK. They have said we have to pay our share of the venue accommodation which is £120 for our room and included their bank details for this!

Then at the bottom of the invitation it says: "Gift cards or cash gifts only please."
*

I've a friend who preliminary booked out the whole hotel and asked all her guest to indicate whether they required a room so she could finalise it with the hotel. She put it very nicely that she'd prebooked it so people would have the option if they wanted to stay there, but if not she could cancel it and they could book for themselves. She also enclosed a leaflet from the hotel and informed all guest of the cost - it was worded completely as an option. Pretty much everyone thought it was a great idea because everyone would be staying in the same place and it took the hassle out of it for us to find somewhere to stay.

I'm always a bit unsure about money as a gift - because no matter what it's always judged a bit and so there's always a pressure to give more in cash than you would have spent on a present. But at the same time I can understand that these days most couple already live together and have everything, so it can be hard to know what to do.

If it was really rudely worded you could get them a gift card for somewhere they really hate.

OP
I hate having to indulge what I see as bad behaviour

..but you don't have to, you can simply decline the invitation. No agnst'ing required.

Paying for the accommodation is fine. I've done this often for weddings.
However a two day long wedding sounds like my idea of self indulgent bore fest.

Were you planning to go anyway?
Would you have paid for two nights accommodation anyway?
How much would you have paid?
£120 doesn't seem that much to me for two people for two nights, if it's a nice place.

After having a good swear at their grabbiness, I suggest you answer the questions above to yourself and then decide whether or not to accept.

I really struggle with the modern way of weddings! In the past it was the norm to make sure your venue was accessible to people, and there was a choice of accommodation. This "perfect dream wedding" stuff is quite creepy.

But no one is going to buy a couple that have lived together for years a toaster are they?

HiddenMeaning

As I said though not going will cause a load of hassle with family members. It's not always easy to just do what you want and sod the consequences unless you are happy to fall out with people over it.

Will this appear in the Daily Mail?

I would go but then just make a token wedding gift. It can't be so bad can it to not want to spend under £150 on a two day affair?

£120 for two nights for two people is actually very cheap accomodation. I was recently quoted £150 for two nights in a double room in an allegedly budget B&B.

Just to clarify £120 is per night for the accommodation. I know that's not OTT expensive. I just personally believe brides and grooms should pay for wedding venues themselves.

Part of me wants to know how much the whole package is and what % the guests are paying so I can really judge how grabby they are

Very easy for the OP to find out if she's so inclined.

Is it £120 a night or for the 2 nights you'll need to stay?

I wouldn't go just because they want to have 'games' for 2 days

I'm going to an event next month. One night in a Travelodge for one person is costing around £78, so £120 for two in a castle is good value. However, I would be tempted to find out exactly when the ceremony was and just turn up for that, staying one night.

As for the cash gift - one penny is cash, right?

I just personally believe brides and grooms should pay for wedding venues themselves.

Have you ever been to a wedding where you cold stay for free?

Cross posted re: cost per night