Rude wedding invitation?

[PumpkinPies38]

I have NC for this as could out me.

Today we received a wedding invitation and I think it's grabby but it's from a cousin and am not rally in a position to say anything.

So the first thing is it's a two day celebration in another county within the UK. They have said we have to pay our share of the venue accommodation which is £120 for our room and included their bank details for this!

Then at the bottom of the invitation it says: "Gift cards or cash gifts only please."

I've spoken to my mum who is but thinks we shouldn't say anything to upset them but I want to call them on this. We couldn't really stay at a different location as its in the middle of nowhere. Surely they should pay the accommodation? Realistically we would need two nights as the thing starts early on the Saturday and continues into Sunday night with various meals and games. I want to call them on it but don't know if I should or not.

If we hosted a day like that everyone would pissed as farts by breakfast and the whole things would be fucking great craic

I don't drink. This is my idea of hell.

I wouldn't go. But if I did they wouldn't get a cash gift in addition to my having to spend hundreds of pounds attending.

I've been invited to an upcoming wedding where accommodation has been booked and I've been informed of the cost. However we were able to decline the accommodation and choose somewhere else if wanted. We tried to decline on basis of cost (we would have just found somewhere cheap we could afford) but were told that the bride and groom would pay some towards it! If there's genuine financial hardship there might be options?

Op, have you really looked at other hotel and B&B options? Contacted the local tourist board and seen if there is any other B&Bs nearby? The idea that there's part of the country with a hotel venue, another hotel 45 mins away and no taxi service covering either is odd. If there was say, 4 of you sharing a taxi to the other hotel, should make the cost reasonable.

The only time the bride and groom have paid for my hotel costs at a wedding have been when DH was the best man, although often we've stayed at the hotel for similar reasons that the venue is a little isolated and what we were saving on hotel costs after paying out for taxis didn't seem worth the hassle.

It's not grabby to expect you to pay your hotel costs, only if you aren't allowed to stay elsewhere.

Decline if you are this angry about being invited and think it's wrong to ask, you are going to have a face on you the whole time and not enjoy it so don't bother.

Don't go if it's going to cause too much resentment. I canned a wedding that was in Scotland, despite the bride, the groom, both their families and all their friends being in London / the Home Counties, as its "such a special location which reminds us of lovely holidays we've had" . Go there on your honeymoon then, don't ask me to spend hundreds schlepping up there to indulge you!

Coincidentally I was invited to another wedding, in almost exactly the same place in Scotland, being held a month later. I went to that one, because that's where the bride was from. Perfectly reasonable.

As I get older I am learning to decline stuff which is going to eat away at you. Go in good grace or don't go at all. I couldn't go in good grace to the wedding of someone who demands cash, never mind the rest of it, so I'd be out.

I agree, I can't think of any castle wedding venue in North Wales that's 45 minutes away from any B&B and where there's no local taxi service. OP, I suggest doing some research online.

I wouldn't go.

I hate this trend of weddings miles away from where the B & G and their families live, thus costing guests a fortune. And as for those getting married abroad and expecting guest to fork out a fortune AND give up precious holiday days ....

It's rude and grabby. All of it.

CharlieSierra How do you know the room price is really reasonable? The rooms for normal guests could be very low quality.

Its normal to pay for your own accommodation, but it's not normal to pay for the wedding, which this could be ie pay for the rooms get exclusive use of the castle, etc for free.

Buying gifts off a list is hardly that difficult for the guest.

I think it sounds like it could be a lot of fun, actually. But if £240 is too steep for you, then just find out when the actual ceremony is, and arrange to stay for only one night, that will enable you to attend that, and anything else that you can fit in, depending on when you will need to travel.

I do think the way the request for cash or vouchers has been worded is a bit abrupt. Let's face it, most people would give something, but it is considered rude actually to expect them to. So, if the B&G had said something about not expecting a gift, but if you did want to give one, they would prefer cash or vouchers, I think that would have been better. Lots of MNers will disagree with me on that though. Many people find any mention of presents on an invitation to be too grabby.

I should imagine your cousin has been sold into an exclusive wedding package. I think it's a bit silly for people to fall for this. I mean, if you were intending to stay in a hotel that did weddings for a weekend break, you'd check if there was a wedding on, and probably would choose somewhere else, if there was (unless the wedding small enough that it wouldn't take over the venue). So, it would be unlikely that the wedding party wouldn't have the hotel to themselves, even if they didn't pay extra for the exclusive deal.

Anyway, I think your cousin could have done better with the way things were requested, but really? If they had just politely suggested people might want to stay in the hotel, and perhaps consider a cash gift, would the outcome for you have been any different?

Have you thought about contacting the castle yourself on the premise of booking a wedding then you can decide for yourself if it's a rip off genuine?

The concept of what they're doing is NU, it's the way it's put across/worded on the invitation that is very rude.

The option of staying at the venue at a cost of £120 should the guest desire should have been presented, and an email address or similar provided for those who would like to. Then B&G could confirm a room is reserved for guests who request it, and provide payment details.

If they'd already paid and all rooms aren't booked that's their lookout.

Since they haven't done that, they're rude, but all you really have to do is decide if you're prepared to go or not, and whether you will be staying and paying, and inform them accordingly.

Stating cash/gift cards only on the invitation is VVVVVVVU, and shockingly rude.

As for 'calling them out' on it, I'd just judge them harshly and buy them a sandwich toaster

goldierocks I was at a family wedding at that hotel in N Wales and it wasn't very good

I'd ring the castle and check the standard price of rooms. Though I am also sceptical that there is no other accommodation within 45 mins of the place.

As for Sunday, just invent something you're doing back home that evening and say you will leave at lunchtime.

ugh at a 2 day wedding. a few hours is bad enough but 2 days??? my idea of hell.

I think it's generally normal for guests to pay for accommodation but a bit of a piss take if all rooms are over £100.

Our wedding had rooms onsite for about £130 and they were all taken in the end but we block booked the local holiday inn express and arranged a bus so everyone had a choice of posh or budget.

I would expect to pay for my own accommodation, though in reality I'd probably not go. A two day wedding sounds hellish.

OP hasn't specified north Wales, just 'remote' in Wales.

Yeahhhhh don't go - I wouldn't attend a wedding in another country where I'd have to pay for flights/taxis to airports/food/beverages/etc especially when the wedding accom isn't paid for. I probably won't have the money to pay for accom for my guests when I eventuallyyyyy get married, but I wouldn't send that sort of invite lol..... I would let people choose where they stayed....
Just don't go lol!

MHnurse did you miss the country is Wales?

Googling 'wales castle wedding boules' comes up with Fonmon Castle if anyone wants to judge value, location, nearby B&Bs etc

Is it £120 pn or £120 for the weekend? Does that include food and drink or do the guests have to pay for those on top?

I think there is the potential for a fun weekend away if you like your family and lawn games etc, which I do but depending on exactly how much you have to pay out could be anywhere between outstanding value if the £120 is all you have to pay, and fucking extortionate, if its £240 plus overpriced food and drink on top.

I always find the standard Mumsnet consensus that a wedding invitation is a rude imposition rather than a fun opportunity to get dressed up and have a good time with friends and family a little strange TBH.

OK, it can't be Fonmon castle, have just looked and it's next to Cardiff Airport so hardly remotely rural.

There's also the www.warnerleisurehotels.co.uk/hotels/bodelwyddan-castle-hotel/overview/index.aspx?gclid=CIz9zPy9n80CFaoy0wodUCINhQ Bodelwyddan Castle Hotel]] but that's just outside Rhyl so not remote either.

Methinks the no other B&Bs within 45 minutes and no taxis might be a red herring.

It sounds like you would just drag down the atmosphere if you did go so i would give it a miss if i were you. You're obviously not that close to them if all you can do is bitch about them.

Yes, Bodelwyddan definitely not 45 mins from a B&B. It's close to a metropolis by N Wales standards

I think the invitation is very badly worded but essentially it's nothing too controversial. Yes, the bride and groom should definitely have made it clear that staying at the venue was optional, but unless I've missed something there's nothing to suggest you're subsidising their wedding is there? Just paying for overnight accommodation? I think £120 for a B&B in a nice place is very reasonable actually. And I would always opt to stay at the wedding venue if at all possible - much less hassle.

The request for money/gift cards is crass though.