Rude wedding invitation?

[PumpkinPies38]

I have NC for this as could out me.

Today we received a wedding invitation and I think it's grabby but it's from a cousin and am not rally in a position to say anything.

So the first thing is it's a two day celebration in another county within the UK. They have said we have to pay our share of the venue accommodation which is £120 for our room and included their bank details for this!

Then at the bottom of the invitation it says: "Gift cards or cash gifts only please."

I've spoken to my mum who is but thinks we shouldn't say anything to upset them but I want to call them on this. We couldn't really stay at a different location as its in the middle of nowhere. Surely they should pay the accommodation? Realistically we would need two nights as the thing starts early on the Saturday and continues into Sunday night with various meals and games. I want to call them on it but don't know if I should or not.

Redorblack

I hadn't even thought of that...! Everything suddenly starts making more sense now

Maybe I'm just a cynic Pumpkin, but proceed with caution or better yet, be sick that day!

Everyone attending the dress fitting has to continue X towards the dress -

Any mention of guest attendance (in particular yours), be ready with the line, 'Let's not focus on me, let's focus on you!'

Agree with Redorblack. You are totally going to get put on the spot OP ... or perhaps you could make it up to her and buy her dress?

No.

I design wedding invitation for a living, i always try and encourage brides and grooms to word the invites correctly, i have designed invites where it has cash poems, accomodation details, etc, most larger venues where it is exclusive to the wedding party get a discounted rate, £120 is real good on the scale of some accommodation costs for castles, there choice of venue however your choice to go or not, i would make a huge drama out of it, just politely decline, i have designed 100's of invites and have never worded cash or gift card only, there is plenty of poems which are suitable and less grabby to use

Sorry wouldnt make a huge drama out of it

Have you read the thread Purple? It's the bride making a huge drama, not the OP.

I have designed 100's of invites

What's your reprint cost to add

"WHOOPS - ROOMS NOW £360 - bank details unchanged.

I have designed 100's of invites and have never worded cash or gift card only, there is plenty of poems which are suitable and less grabby to use

Ah, a poem asking for money...MN just loves those.

I think it is obvious that the bride has gotten carried away with wanting the perfect wedding as sold to her by a very good salesperson.
I don't blame her for wanting exclusive use, I recently went to look at a venue with an engaged couple. A wedding party was on the lawn of the beautiful house trying to take photos as children and adults who were there for lunch/drinks ran/played/ mixed in amongst them. The outside tables were all taken up with lunching people which meant wedding guests were wandering around with nowhere to sit whilst waiting for their photos to be taken so they could go into the wedding room and and people who clearly weren't wedding guests were hovering very near the free drinks that were there. The engaged couple I was with were told by the hotel that they didn't have to have exclusive use and if they had a wedding party of more than 100, then most people who were at the hotel would leave them alone but that isn't what you want to be worrying about on your wedding day.
I think you have done the right thing OP and I also think Redor has it sussed!

Purpleismycolour May I challenge you to produce one single example of a non-grabby non-tacky wedding poem asking for money or vouchers? Thank you.

Do you mean me liney? I think you mean purpleismycolour. I thought my post was obviously sarcastic.

Oh bollocks that's what you've written! Ignore me I haven't had coffee yet...

'' you'll pay for your invite,
Bus that's not nearly enough,
A blender, a toaster,
We want none of that stuff,

I hope we don't come across,
Grabby, greedy or funny,
What we demand from you,
Is gift vouchers or money''

Ps. At least 30% of what you contributed to the day is recommended, however we encourage more.

ring the venue and ask for the room rate?, see if it included breakfast, and ask if they will do a deal if you want to spend two nights which you mentioned, then you can also enquire as to the wedding package deals, you don't have to give you name, but at least you may have an idea if you are being ripped off!!

tooty RTFT.

OP has already declined the invitation. Twice. She has cancelled the cheque.

Today's our Special Day
We hope you have a gas
We thank you for your presence
But we'd quite like some cash

We'd like to have a holiday
To celebrate our pairing
But paying for the wedding
Has alas, been rather wearing

If you could empty pockets,
And purses, wallets too -
Just drop your cash card in the box
Or bank details, they'll do!

We know this special moment
Means lots to us - and you -
So you'll not mind spending money
And oh shit yeah, thanks too!

I have RTFT. But I am just returning to this idea of vouchers as presents. I received a voucher for 20% off a John Fowler holiday last week. Would that fit the criteria do you think?

OP, I fear you may have to suck up the wedding dress fitting if you want to keep on good terms with your wedding-blinded cousin. But I agree that you will no doubt be grilled (unreasonably) about why you are not coming. If it were me I might go to the fitting with a pressie of champagne to drink whilst everyone "enjoys themselves." That will make it a bit harder for anyone to interrogate you.

Wish people would RTFT before replying.....

I'm with everyone who thinks dress shopping =guilt tripping. Proceed with caution ⚠

I also think that the bride will try and persuade you to attend in some way. She'll be trying to find out how you can cancel your previous commitment or how you can afford to come to the wedding. Or she's trying to make you excited by seeing the wedding dress.

In any case, she is bonkers and grabby, so in your shoes, I'd be coming down with bubonic plague the day before the dress shopping.

No response from Purpleismycolour then - mind you it was an almost impossible challenge.

OP you need to avoid that dress fitting - another vote for you getting guilt-tripped at every opportunity. Perhaps you need to say you wouldn't be able to help yourself telling everyone how beautiful she looks in the dress and describing it to the guests and you wouldn't want to ruin the big reveal for the people going to the wedding.

I like this thread. Let us know how the dress fitting goes.

But your poor cousin, it must be awful to have booked a wedding that they can't really afford.

Unless your mum pays for all the rooms.

What would you do if they cancelled the castle and booked a wedding that was easy to get to, free choice of accommodation, no bank details? Would your prior engagement still hold?

I will certainly keep you all updated with this situation as it develops, especially since I have to be relatively guarded with what I say to friends and family in RL!

I've been informed the first day of dress shopping (yes that's right, there is more than one booked- three in fact in various UK cities) is happening in 10 days. I'll be taking champagne as advised (and possibly a hip flask to get me through) and I'll practice my excuse beforehand, grit my teeth and smile sweetly.

I don't think she will really consider cancelling the castle I think it was an attempt at emotional blackmail. I'm avoiding speaking directly to my cousin at the moment but my mum had told me there's been another RSVP no! (More dramatic than Brexit?) Anyway- I've told my mum she needs to nip this funding the rooms idea in the bud as its getting progressively more expensive for every guest!