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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

close to death giving birth...

330 replies

ghostspirit · 05/05/2016 09:58

im coming up 38 weeks pregnant. me and bf was talking generally about the birth. im having home birth and was telling him how midwife was saying how if i have to be transfered to hospital it could take upto 30 mins for an ambulance... he said thats rubbish they would get it there within a few mins or so. Then he started going on about how when you give birth your very close to death. of course i know there is a risk when giving birth. i said you can say that about alot of things there are risks in everything. i was trying to tone it down a bit. but he kept going on. it pissed me of because its not something i really want to hear when im not far of giving birth. so was he being unreasonble to be saying them things or am i being over sensitive

OP posts:
CesareBorgiasUnicornMask · 05/05/2016 10:04

I would have been seriously unimpressed if DH had been saying things like that when I was heavily pregnant. As it was my mum kept randomly bursting into tears and telling me she was worried I wouldn't survive, and I barely talked to her for the last few weeks as just did not need the stress!

CesareBorgiasUnicornMask · 05/05/2016 10:04

So yes - he's being a knob.

HolesInTheFloor · 05/05/2016 10:05

I think your bf was being unreasonable to worry you about giving birth when you're due in a couple of weeks. But the midwife was just making sure you knew the risks of a home birth. Maybe your bf is just concerned you're having a home birth and would prefer you to be in a hospital? Have you fully discussed ifhe has any worries about home births.

LittleLionMansMummy · 05/05/2016 10:06

Hmmm I haven't heard that but I've heard the pain level women endure during childbirth is comparable to breaking bones in a car crash. For your reassurance, it's nothing like that though because it's positive, you get periods of respite and your adrenaline works wonders at carrying you through. I would go as far as to say I actively enjoyed childbirth, especially the gas and air Wink Your bf is being unreasonable - make it clear in no uncertain terms that his job now is one of reassurance, nothing else. Otherwise you'll find yourself a different birth partner!

SlimCheesy · 05/05/2016 10:06

what the heck does he mean you are 'close to death' giving birth? That is quite bizarre. Does he mean there is a risk of death? Or that the physical act is close to death.

Is he going to be much use to you when you are in labour?

Onedaftmonkey · 05/05/2016 10:07

What a prat to lay that shit on you so close to the birth. You are safe at home if you are healthy and fit. It's only if you are in a high risk catagory that you shouldn't birth at home. Good for you for choosing to do it in familiar surroundings. If anything happens (and it more than likely won't ) the ambulance will go guns blazing to yours. 30 mins is a vast overestimation.
Good luck. Happy birthing. dont let this spoil such an important time.

SlimCheesy · 05/05/2016 10:08

Once I had my epidural I had no pain and enjoyed the birth alot! (It was also during a major sporting event and we had alot of fun watching it on the tv in the labour ward and eating haribos. )

MyKingdomForBrie · 05/05/2016 10:10

Wow I'd be so pissed off! I wouldn't be comfortable with a home birth in those circumstances though I have to admit, I'm too much of a catastrophiser to be ok with a 30 minute transfer time.

MyBreadIsEggy · 05/05/2016 10:10

He's being a dickhead.
If your midwife is happy for you to have a home birth then that's all that matters - she's the medical professional, not your uninformed bf!
I don't know where he got that information from anyway Hmm I've read somewhere that giving birth is physically tougher on the body than running a marathon, but never heard that you are close to death Hmm

frikadela01 · 05/05/2016 10:10

Bf is being an arse piling that on you. As for the 30 minutes, when I initially wanted a home birth (can't due to being high risk now) my midwife said that they are very very cautious with women at home. Mad rush with blue lights to the hosptial is extremely rare. She said they generally transfer women to the hospital at the earlier stages if things aren't progressing.

SlimCheesy · 05/05/2016 10:12

YY to frikadela. I have also had friends who started off as a hb and were transferred very early due to being very cautious.

AndTakeYourPenguinWithYou · 05/05/2016 10:13

But it is of course true that you might have to wait for an ambulance to get to you, its not as if they are hovering outside in case you need one. The last time we called an ambulance it was here in about 8 minutes, but the time before that was 45 mins as there wasn't one available.

sunnyoutside · 05/05/2016 10:14

I have had 2 homebirths (1 not planned) as long as your mw is happy then do it. Do I remember correctly that this won't be your first homebirth? If it is a straightforward pregnancy in some ways it is better to be at home as you have 2 midwives with you the whole time. That's what my mw told me.

I think he is talking rubbish re the near death thing. Is he scared of you giving birth at home? Does he attend mw appointments with you? Maybe she can explain to him?

LaurieLemons · 05/05/2016 10:16

Yes he's being a knob, unless he means you'll feel close to death? Still though, all a bit weird and over dramatic. Don't think the possibility of dying ever crossed my mind, who wants to hear that when they're due in a couple of weeks?!

Primaryteach87 · 05/05/2016 10:17

The ambulance very likely would take a while (mine took about an hour). I genuinely felt close to death but I wasn't in immediate danger. So he is being unreasonable to scare you and equally it can be pretty darn traumatic so you're unreasonsble to dismiss his fears as silly.

splendide · 05/05/2016 10:17

This is your 6th baby or something isn't it? You don't need him telling you anything about giving birth, you're the expert!

Sounds like a dickish thing to say to you.

Duckdeamon · 05/05/2016 10:18

Was the midwife seeking to change your mind or simply reminding you of the risks?

If your partner disagrees with your birth plan or has big worries about it he can say so, but it's your call.

I wouldn't have wanted a homebirth in those circumstances, but I have anxiety issues!

mumoseven · 05/05/2016 10:19

Is he one of those 'here is an interesting fact I read' blokes? Tell him to keep it to himself, the plum. And good luck with the birth. I've done it 7 times, its intense and amazing and a bit scary, but well doable!

TheABC · 05/05/2016 10:20

What an idiot. Listen to your midwife; she at least, has had training! FWIW, even if you were in hospital, you can end up waiting for an operation to happen, as it's dependent on the anesthetist being there first. Births in this country rarely end in death; mainly because we have access to medical professionals.

Original poster
ghostspirit · 05/05/2016 10:20

hes happy for me to give birth at home. it will be my 3rd home birth. i dont think he will be a great birthing partner. he said when his other children were born he just cried all the time. im not bothered about that to be honest as long as hes in the room im not really bothered about him being an active birthing partner. my friend is going to try and be here. and even if she cant get here then midwifes will be here. i just thought it was a very odd thing to say to someone close to birth. But i should not be surprised as he does something come out with very odd things in general that just should not be said

OP posts:
ameliaesmith · 05/05/2016 10:23

What a buffoon!

peppatax · 05/05/2016 10:26

Wait.... It's your third home birth and now he's coming out with this shit?! I know it's hard but ignore, ignore, ignore. Otherwise I have a feeling he might be close to death before you've given birth!

Butteredparsnips · 05/05/2016 10:32

Hi OP, I had a very positive home birth experience, but I would also say that I couldn't have done it without DH's support, you need someone whom you really trust, to be calm and in control throughout. Is this something your Boyfriend would be able to do?

If you or he are at all unsure, I would recommend that you think about who else could support you through the birth.

I hope it goes well for you Flowers

Original poster
ghostspirit · 05/05/2016 10:33

i was told they prefer me to go to hospital because of low iron. i have told me there is no way im going to hospital... so they have said i can have home birth but need to prepare best we can. so i have to have vitamin b12 jabs every other day. and an iron infusion once a week. everything that could happen could happen in hospital anyway. its the tranfering that could be delayed. but also from my history of births its likely i be ok anyway. midwife just says she has to make me awear. which is fair enough.

OP posts:
Original poster
ghostspirit · 05/05/2016 10:40

yeah i dont think he will be a great birthing partner. i might be really wrong. hope i am. but im not to bothered about that. its just about him being there i dont even care if he just sits the other side of the room. my first home birth i gave birth on my own. because it happend so fast. and that felt like the best birth ever. so anything else i quite sure i can manage. plus hopefully my friend will be there if not them midwifes will be and im happy with that. logically i know hes talking crap.. but it just made me think wtf.

OP posts: