To want to staple things to this woman's head??

[picklypopcorn]

I just took on a new mentoree at work and she's known for being a "tricky customer"... anyway, thinks I, I shall tame the wild beast and emerge victorious....

Today was our first day working together. It has been exactly 7 minutes since she sat herself down next to me and already I fear I'm way over my head.

This is a transcript of our exact conversation this morning (for context, I am about 7 stone overweight and currently on weightwatchers, which she doesnt know about. She is a healthy weight).

Her: Are you on a diet?

Me: Huh?

Her: Are you on a diet? It's just I have cake and crisps all day, I'm a total addict!

she moves the mountain of cake and crisps to her side of the desk

Me: Oh that's fine don't worry I'll cope!

Her: Do you go to the gym? Do you do any exercise at all?

Me: Well no, but I have dogs so I'm out with them a lot

Her: Oh! Good well that's something then. You should join the gym it's good for you

Me:.... gobsmacked

(here comes the kicker)

Her: I think if i was your size though I'd feel a bit self conscious about gyms.

IWILLENDYOU.

WRAAAATH!!!!

....

I quietly got up and went to the loo.... where I still am.

Bollocks.

Wow, she sounds as unpleasant and insecure as shit. How vile for you :(

Sellotape all of her things to the desk. Then use some on her mouth. Then ring HR.

Honestly, I'd personally judge you for not stapling her lips closed and smashing her face into get bloody cake

Bloody hell, No advice unless you're happy to tell her she's being rude.

Not as bad as your situation, but I remember having to train someone whilst I was obviously pregnant, and on her first day in the office she decided to ask me whether it was an 'accident' When I told her, no we tried for a baby she then carried on with 'Oh, did you have to have fertility treatment then' (we had, and I had felt quite sensitive about it) I just gave her the face and made an excuse to go and do something else. Stupid woman.

YANBU at all.

Pull her up on it, tell her to stop running her mouth and get on with her job.

Blimey. A direct approach may be called for. Maybe, start with the assumption she is has the social skills of a 7 year old and needs feedback to learn?

E. G. "rude comment" by colleague
You - "I appreciate you probably didn't mean it, but your last comment sounded incredibly rude. Please don't comment about my weight".

Goid luck. You may need gin!

Are you working with my mother? She'll happily say that offensive shit to anyone over a size 8.

Is this not exactly the situation that the patented Mumsnet head tilt and "Did you mean to sound so rude?" was invented for?

She sounds very immature... Time to give her a lesson in being nice I think?

You reckon I should point out how rude that was? For more context she's a french speaker and English is her second language. She's not been here long, wondering if it's a cultural thing and it's not a big deal in France to talk about each others weight? Maybe I'm making excuses because I'm a massive wimp because i want things to get off on the right foot?

'Quietly passes stapler'

If she ever puts her stuff in the work fridge with her name labelled on it, don't forget to have some fun.

I think you're right about the cultural thing. In Britain it's just not done to mention anything personal, but it's less taboo elsewhere.

I have french friends, and not one of them would consider those things in anyway ok to say!

I suggest stapling many things to her head, or accidentally throwing all her cakes in the bin, with a twinkly laugh......go on you know you want too!

sera the head tilt sounds like a plan, it's a bit late now but if there's a next time I'll give that a go... it's awkward though because we're in an open plan office, and any drama makes the whole place go silent because it's so rare that anything kicks off... I may grab a meeting room with her later and go through some working relationship ground rules... I'll take my stapler....

I would have no compunction whatsoever to point out how rude and inappropriate she's being.

At the very least it will be useful training for on-the-job diplomacy.

Are you sure you're not working in a bad sit com?! Christ. I wouldn't stick that for more than a morning..

Well I have a French friend and she is very 'straight speaking'.

Generally she doesn't go overboard but I remember once the pool had been accidentally drained at the gym and she asked me if all the water had gone because I jumped in. (I'm about 6 stone overweight). We were playing badminton at the time, I realeased a mega shot, all my anger on the shuttlecock, it was the only time in my life that my aim was good - it hit her right in the face.

I just smiled sweetly and announced our scores, I was winning.

Usually I don't advocate violence, but my god, that was satisfying.

If she does it again definitely pull her up on it.

She sounds delightful! Quick, spit on her cake!

I had someone who was supposed to be training me telling me that my writing style was "not very good English, actually". I didn't kill her. I'm rather impressed with myself for that.

To be fair, I used to be incredibly tactless when I was young (and still am on occasion, although I'm more likely to realise as soon as I've said it and backpedal rapidly). Some people learn with time. Others are just incurably crass.

:o I think a shuttlecock up the nose at high speed was just the ticket betty!

I would tell her to stop being rude OP or invite her to a game of badminton during your lunch break

Something like "Just so you know, it isn't appropriate to comment on colleagues weight. It doesn't bother me, but if you said it to a more sensitive colleague you could get yourself in a bit of trouble with HR."

How rude is she though!

LOL betty! That properly made me laugh thank you! She's currently munching her way through cookies for breakfast... is it too much to pray that tooth decay does my vengeful duty for me??

Her cake, cookie and crisps diet is hardly cordon bleu is it? Perhaps you could make a few sly digs along those lines?