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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be slightly annoyed that DD was left stranded at school

256 replies

GuiltyPleasure · 09/02/2016 22:02

DD is 15. She attends her local school which is about 8 miles from where we live. School is about 2 miles from the town, where there are very infrequent transport links to our village, but in the car it's only about a 20 minute journey. (Need to set context so as not to drip feed). Today DD was with 4 friends at lunchtime, they were all looking at their phones.. See teacher approaching, group put phones away. Teacher sees them & confiscates DD's phone, but no-one else's (DD says this is because teacher knows her because she's in his teaching group, but doesn't know the others, not sure I entirely believe her version of events) & told her to collect from the main office at end of school. 5 minutes before end of lesson another child was given permission to leave early to return a borrowed school tie to the office. DD asks if she can leave early to go to the office as well & told no. DD goes to office at end of school to get phone, knowing she has 10 mins till the school bus leaves. Office staff tell her the phone isn't here it's in x room. DD goes to x room, told to go to y room. Staff in y room tell her to wait a couple of minutes. DD tells them she needs to catch the bus so please could she get her phone back. Buses pick up a couple of minutes walk from main school building. By this time the bus had already left. Staff didn't offer any assistance. There is no other way for her to get home given our/school location. Very distressed DD rings me, so I have to leave work early 40mins away to collect her. I want to be clear I have no issue whatsoever with the phone being confiscated. She broke the rules & faced the consequences of that, but DD told staff on several occasions that she was time limited because she had to catch the school bus & by the time she left they knew she had missed it. AIBU to speak to the school to say I'm unhappy about this? I'm sure the confiscation was in theory the lightest form of punishment, but I'd rather they'd given her a break/lunchtime detention, which is the normal punishment for "minor" infractions of the school rules.?

OP posts:
Diamogs · 09/02/2016 22:05

At 15 I'd have expected her to prioritise the bus and collect the phone tomorrow, sorry if that sounds harsh.

sooperdooper · 09/02/2016 22:05

Hmm, she could've got the phone tomorrow if she knew she was running late rather than miss the bus

HopeandSoap · 09/02/2016 22:06

Could she not have left her phone there and collected in the morning?

monkeysox · 09/02/2016 22:06

She knew what time the bus left. She could have got her phone tomorrow. Yabu

teatowel · 09/02/2016 22:08

Couldn't she have left the phone and collected it tomorrow? She could then have caught the bus and not inconvenienced you.

PaulAnkaTheDog · 09/02/2016 22:08

The phone wasn't the priority, the bus was. At 15 she should know that.

honeysucklejasmine · 09/02/2016 22:08

Its a bit concerning that she had to run around different rooms to collect it. They really should have a designated collection point, and make sure phones are put there.

Many are very expensive and i would not want the responsibility of looking after a students phone. I would always take them down to student services asap.

OohMavis · 09/02/2016 22:08

I agree, she should have got the phone tomorrow. But when you're in a fluster I suppose it's sometimes easy to miss the obvious solution.

mygrandchildrenrock · 09/02/2016 22:10

No, you're not, but equally well your DD could easily have left her phone until tomorrow and not missed her bus.
Sanctions have to inconvenience students/parents or they don't work. Presumably you have told your DD not to use her phone during school time again, so you won't be inconvenienced again. In that case, the sanction worked!

rosieliveson1 · 09/02/2016 22:10

I can see why you're concerned about the situation but also think your DD should have prioritised the bus.

SignoraStronza · 09/02/2016 22:11

Seriously?! You left work 40 minutes early to pick up a 15 year old? She could have easily walked the 2 miles to town in that time and either waited for you there or caught one of the other infrequent buses. Why on earth was she so distressed about it? Pissed off I could understand but seems rather an overreaction to missing the bus.

FlowersAndShit · 09/02/2016 22:14

I was expecting you to say your dd was 9. YABU and so is she.

steppemum · 09/02/2016 22:14

sorry, but I agree with pp. She should have left the phone and got on the bus.
Ds has similar transport issues and he knows he would be paying my petrol if I had to come and get him because of his phone.

SignoraStronza · 09/02/2016 22:14

Apologies, just re-read the op. You didn't leave work a whole 40 minutes early (can't imagine how much eye rolling that would have incurred from your colleagues), but your workplace is 40 minutes away.

mommy2ash · 09/02/2016 22:15

You should be annoyed with your dd. she made bad choices which led to you being inconvenienced. What exactly should the school have done? She used her phone when she shouldn't and it was confiscated. When she realised she didn't have time to wait around and get her phone she prioritised getting her phone instead of getting the bus

littledrummergirl · 09/02/2016 22:15

Sounds as though she made a series of poor choices. I would be removing the phone from my dc if it had been the cause of me having to leave work early possibly putting my job at risk and having to make a special journey.
What sanctions are you planning to put in place to prevent this from happening again?

Whatthefreakinwhatnow · 09/02/2016 22:15

Exactly what signora said! Not a chance would I have left work early for this, she should have either left it and got the bus, or collect it and walked to town and got a bus/waited for you to finish work if there wasn't one.
She was using a phone when she wasn't permitted to do so - she should face the consequences of this.

MidniteScribbler · 09/02/2016 22:16

Stranded? How dramatic.

She broke school rules so faced the penalty of that. Then she chose to worry about her phone and not the school bus. I'd let her walk.

PaulAnkaTheDog · 09/02/2016 22:17

Yeah, two miles isn't far. I frequently did that at 15 when I lost forgot my bus pass and didn't have money for a bus. No drama.

Original poster
GuiltyPleasure · 09/02/2016 22:18

Absolutely! We've had a long discussion about priorities & the fact that although she thinks her phone is an extension of her hand & nor should it be (she's 15 though so obviously I don't understand!) I think she's taken on board that she was lucky I was relatively on hand to pick her up

OP posts:
Mistigri · 09/02/2016 22:20

She should have got the bus instead of waiting for the phone.

School is somewhat at fault for not having an agreed central place to deposit confiscated items - they risk things going missing. At my son's school confiscated items go to the administrator's office, and a parent has to go into the school to recover them. It's a good deterrent.

Shoki · 09/02/2016 22:20

AIBU to speak to the school to say I'm unhappy about this?

Yes

Zipitydooda · 09/02/2016 22:21

I'd be pretty cross with my DD. She should have left the phone and caught the bus. I wouldn't have left work early either. I would have told her to walk or stay at school for the 40 mins doing her homework if that was possible.

PaulAnkaTheDog · 09/02/2016 22:22

Ok, so what's your aibu then? The mistake was your daughters, you realise that. Confused

Original poster
GuiltyPleasure · 09/02/2016 22:23

& as my post said I have no issues with her being punished for breaking the school rules. I absolutely condone this.

OP posts: