Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Child-safe in minutes.

Meet the Other Phone.
Child-safe in minutes.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be slightly annoyed that DD was left stranded at school

256 replies

GuiltyPleasure · 09/02/2016 22:02

DD is 15. She attends her local school which is about 8 miles from where we live. School is about 2 miles from the town, where there are very infrequent transport links to our village, but in the car it's only about a 20 minute journey. (Need to set context so as not to drip feed). Today DD was with 4 friends at lunchtime, they were all looking at their phones.. See teacher approaching, group put phones away. Teacher sees them & confiscates DD's phone, but no-one else's (DD says this is because teacher knows her because she's in his teaching group, but doesn't know the others, not sure I entirely believe her version of events) & told her to collect from the main office at end of school. 5 minutes before end of lesson another child was given permission to leave early to return a borrowed school tie to the office. DD asks if she can leave early to go to the office as well & told no. DD goes to office at end of school to get phone, knowing she has 10 mins till the school bus leaves. Office staff tell her the phone isn't here it's in x room. DD goes to x room, told to go to y room. Staff in y room tell her to wait a couple of minutes. DD tells them she needs to catch the bus so please could she get her phone back. Buses pick up a couple of minutes walk from main school building. By this time the bus had already left. Staff didn't offer any assistance. There is no other way for her to get home given our/school location. Very distressed DD rings me, so I have to leave work early 40mins away to collect her. I want to be clear I have no issue whatsoever with the phone being confiscated. She broke the rules & faced the consequences of that, but DD told staff on several occasions that she was time limited because she had to catch the school bus & by the time she left they knew she had missed it. AIBU to speak to the school to say I'm unhappy about this? I'm sure the confiscation was in theory the lightest form of punishment, but I'd rather they'd given her a break/lunchtime detention, which is the normal punishment for "minor" infractions of the school rules.?

OP posts:
PaulAnkaTheDog · 09/02/2016 23:24

Oh good. The pervert and rapist brigade are out. The ops daughter had her phone lighthouse. Was she going to be miraculously safer from a non-existent rapist prowling the school if the school phoned her instead of her daughter? Jeezo!

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 09/02/2016 23:25

I didn't there were any rapist. I said there could have been. Massive difference.

PaulAnkaTheDog · 09/02/2016 23:26

Ridiculous all the same.

BigQueenBee · 09/02/2016 23:28

School teacher was well out of order.
I lived in a remote village when I was a child; transport links were infrequent. I don't think you sound like an over protective mom. I think that all teenagers should have mobile phones..it's how we communicate with each other.
I'm not advocating them being used in lesson time.
Your daughter is still a child, she got flummoxed , she will learn from her mistakes.
I'm not going to question your reasons for leaving work early because I don't know your personal circumstances or where you live.
I know that I would be very uneasy of anyone whatever their age having to traverse 2 miles in the neighbourhood I live in.

Vintage45 · 09/02/2016 23:28

The "once they go to big school they are no longer children" brigade is out. Grin

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 09/02/2016 23:29

Aye aye. I consider myself told off. Naughty lighthouse. ( slaps hand) Grin

IguanaTail · 09/02/2016 23:30

There could also be an earthquake or a plane crash or an escapee from the zoo. Why mention it unless there's at least a very strong possibility?

BackforGood · 09/02/2016 23:30

Agree with most.
She chose to be stranded by prioritising her phone over getting home on the bus.

Ywbu to leave work early to fetch her. You should have told her she'd have to wait at school until you could get there after work as it was her fault she'd missed the bus.

GruntledOne · 09/02/2016 23:30

She has these wonderful things Called feet.

I don't think any reasonable parent would be keen on a 15 year old girl walking 8 miles along country roads in the dark.

Shoki · 09/02/2016 23:31

Most posters suggested she walk 2 miles to the nearest town.

PaulAnkaTheDog · 09/02/2016 23:32

See, here's the issue: some people view 15 as a child. It's not a child. You don't miraculously change from 15 to 16 and become a fully blown adult. Teenagers need to be allowed to fend for themselves on occasions. This is a perfect example of one.

bessiebumptious2 · 09/02/2016 23:33

No, Vintage45, I don't believe that mode of thinking at all, despite my posts.

What I do believe in is teaching children initiative and responsibility and teaching them to make the right decisions. We all make mistakes, however old we are. But you can't mitigate against every eventuality and if your child never comes across 'the nutter on the bus' then how do they ever learn to avoid that person? How do they learn to deal with any kind of adversity, or danger, if they are not put in a position where it's reasonably safe (i.e. daylight hours, straight after school, aged 15)? Most of them are more scared of their parents' reaction than their current predicament, and that's what sends them into a spin!!

PovertyPain · 09/02/2016 23:33

Two legs in front of the other, normally.

I think it might take her a bit longer to get home if she tried it that way Bessie, one leg in front of the other would be quicker. Grin Sorry, I couldn't resist. Blush

PaulAnkaTheDog · 09/02/2016 23:36

lighthouse Grin given the op's daughter was at school, your point wasn't at all entirely relevant. Aye-aye.

bessiebumptious2 · 09/02/2016 23:36

Oh bugger! I'm working my way through the very, very old bottles of dusty Pimms that have been sitting on top of the fridge for ever (classy!). I knew it wouldn't end well PovertyPain ! Thanks Grin

GruntledOne · 09/02/2016 23:37

OK, so 8 miles is a lot, but 2 isn't and she could have caught a bus after 2 miles and still been home before you.

Hardly, with a bus service only running every two hours.

bessiebumptious2 · 09/02/2016 23:37

Can't stop laughing now at the image of two legs in front of the other!!

Vintage45 · 09/02/2016 23:38

16 an adult Grin

Vintage45 · 09/02/2016 23:41

We all parent differently and some seem rather more harsh than others so it seems. I personally would be peeved at the school assuming that they know this student lived miles away and having no other means of transport. That to me is also wrong.

Im sure the OP has learned this and will put other strategies in place knowing that there wasn't a kind teacher amongst them.

bessiebumptious2 · 09/02/2016 23:42

2 hours to walk 2 miles is fine. Assuming that school finished at 4pm (for argument's sake), she could have missed her normal bus and caught the next, which would have been (latest) 6pm. In which case, she had her phone and could have called her mother, who would have picked her up from the station after she'd walked 2 miles and mother had finished work. Sorted!

MidniteScribbler · 09/02/2016 23:43

Adults at the school are there to make sure an adult is contacted if the child is unable to get to the bus.

She's just waited to get her phone back. She's quite capable of using it to tell her own mother she was too attached to the damned thing to consider leaving it at school for the night and catching her bus on time.

BigQueenBee · 09/02/2016 23:45

When I was a child I would cycle for miles..be out all day, go to town by myself at 10.
I might like to add that I was tricked into accompanying a man to a public toilet, have been shown hard core photos by an adult co-worker ( I was tattie picking at 13) and followed for 2 miles by some weirdo man who told me I was pretty sexy for a young un.
I don't mollycoddle my kids; I take calculated risks where my children are concerned.

Original poster
GuiltyPleasure · 09/02/2016 23:45

For clarity, school is 2 miles from town (more like largish village). (Route is 1 mile of rural road & 1 mile single carriage, pavemented road) . Home is 6 miles further & buses run every 2 hours . School can only accommodate till 5pm with extra curricular activities. I didn't leave work 40 mins early.. I work 40 mins away & don't work in a 9-5 job so luckily have flexibility. I completely support sanctions for breaking school rules. I think my only query, although not well worded in my OP is what duty do the school have to make sure students are off the premises at the time expected. I know when she's scheduled to stay late I have to sign something to say how she's getting home.

OP posts:
RudeElf · 09/02/2016 23:45

Surely it doesnt take 2 hours to walk 2 miles? Confused half an hour i would have thought. Longer if dawdling and feeling sorry for self. Grin

bessiebumptious2 · 09/02/2016 23:46

Vintage45 - what, in an ideal situation, would you suggest happened? Bearing in mind that teachers have multiple children to 'manage' and therefore one 'slipping through the net' is perfectly understandable and reasonable? Are they really accountable for every single child in their care, regardless of how many may need immediate assistance at any given time?