To be slightly annoyed that DD was left stranded at school

[GuiltyPleasure]

DD is 15. She attends her local school which is about 8 miles from where we live. School is about 2 miles from the town, where there are very infrequent transport links to our village, but in the car it's only about a 20 minute journey. (Need to set context so as not to drip feed). Today DD was with 4 friends at lunchtime, they were all looking at their phones.. See teacher approaching, group put phones away. Teacher sees them & confiscates DD's phone, but no-one else's (DD says this is because teacher knows her because she's in his teaching group, but doesn't know the others, not sure I entirely believe her version of events) & told her to collect from the main office at end of school. 5 minutes before end of lesson another child was given permission to leave early to return a borrowed school tie to the office. DD asks if she can leave early to go to the office as well & told no. DD goes to office at end of school to get phone, knowing she has 10 mins till the school bus leaves. Office staff tell her the phone isn't here it's in x room. DD goes to x room, told to go to y room. Staff in y room tell her to wait a couple of minutes. DD tells them she needs to catch the bus so please could she get her phone back. Buses pick up a couple of minutes walk from main school building. By this time the bus had already left. Staff didn't offer any assistance. There is no other way for her to get home given our/school location. Very distressed DD rings me, so I have to leave work early 40mins away to collect her. I want to be clear I have no issue whatsoever with the phone being confiscated. She broke the rules & faced the consequences of that, but DD told staff on several occasions that she was time limited because she had to catch the school bus & by the time she left they knew she had missed it. AIBU to speak to the school to say I'm unhappy about this? I'm sure the confiscation was in theory the lightest form of punishment, but I'd rather they'd given her a break/lunchtime detention, which is the normal punishment for "minor" infractions of the school rules.?

What on earth should have happened? Right off you go you 15 year old, be gone, use your feet and it's nothing to do with us. We won't bother calling your parent either

gingerdad I think they no longer exist. I'm 27 and gobsmacked at this bizarre attitude tbh. When I was at high school a decade ago my parents wouldn't have even seen this as an issue, as it would have been my problem.

Schools are not parent substitutes. Stop making your child their responsibility outside of school hours.

And any child who 'values their phone more than their life' needs to have their perspective altered somewhat.

OK, so 8 miles is a lot, but 2 isn't and she could have caught a bus after 2 miles and still been home before you.

'Teenaged' is not a disease so give them some responsibilty for their own decisions/mistakes and they might surprise you. You do them a disservice by infantilising them in this way. They're quite robust, really.

Vintage45

"I'm just glad I sent my children to a school where the adults in it had a bit of sense and cared about their charges."

I curious as to what you mean by this, the adults sent the 15 year old to where they thought the teacher was, I don't see how they could do more than that.

Its also a stretch to say that they don't care when its the actions and subsequent actions of the 15 year old that have caused all of the issues.

Kind parenting as well as kind teaching goes a very long way Ginger and Paul.

I think I was a sixth former and quite independent, but missing the bus was still seen as the end of the world

With the best will in the world, this is not being 'independent'! Not at 6th form!

Parents generally have to deal with 2, 3 or 4 kids. Are you really saying that a teacher has to deal with up to 30 and get it right, all the time? They ALL have issues, you know!

I give up!

Vintage soft parenting and teaching creates people who obviously can't walk two miles and catch a bus because their mobile was more important than their transport home.

So instead of confiscating the phone you expect a teacher to give up their lunch or break as a different sort of punishment.
Also 8mile walk would only take her about 2 hours. She could have got Started and you pick her up along the route. I regularly did that as a teen living 12miles from school I would miss the bus and start walking my parents would meet me along the way.
Also teaching staff were most likely rushing off to a meeting, or to get their own kids.
I pick up my 3 one day a week, I have 40min from school closing to get to their school 32miles away. I don't deal with any after school issues on a tue. Kind of just hope of there is a issue someone else will sort it. Did she go to the office and ask to phone you or what they thought she sgoukd do?
Yes contact the school to investigate but don't think the school is at fault with the info you have given.

So she broke a rule. She deserves to lose the phone.
School were disorganised. That happens.
She would rather get her phone than the bus. How did she expect to get home!!??
I hope she got an earful at home and you took the phone overnight anyway.

Just that BoneyBack.

I have no what you mean by your first sentence?

15 in my eyes is still young. Adults at the school are there to make sure an adult is contacted if the child is unable to get to the bus. Maybe not, but they should be.

I work in FE, and for safeguarding reasons, we are told very firmly that we cannot give students lifts. If a student can't get home by any other means we have to order them a taxi, and if they have no money we cannot lend it individually, the finance office will loan them the money needed.

Soft parenting? err ok.

Err good.

YABU - I thought DD was 8 or 9! No harm done, eh.

I got the impression missing the school bus also meant missing the second bus? And while I'm all for exercise, 8 miles after school is somewhat harsh for a side effect of having your phone confiscated.

I wouldn't be exactly pleased if my dd left her phone in school either. It's how she lets me know she's off the bus, home ok, on the bus next morning etc. So I could imagine mine waiting to collect it because I've impressed on her the importance of letting me know where she is. Admittedly mine could call off the landline when she got in, but not all kids have them. And I don't see any mention of the staff checking the circumstances of why she wanted her phone back before leaving.

Vintage

I mean that the staff did what they could, they can't magic the phone up when they don't have it.

And maybe the staff didn't know that she had missed the bus because they weren't told. They are not mind readers.

Would you leave the 15 year old to get home on her own knowing she had an 8 mile journey LightDrizzle or does a bit of safeguarding come into it after school hours?

Im presuming that when the OP stated that staff didn't offer assistance they knew the bus had left?

Why didn't she walk to town and sit in a cafe? Or sit in the school library or something? Silly you left 40 mins early to pick up a 'distraught' 15 yeR old because she missed the bus.

Christ, if I was a male teacher and felt obliged to offer a 15yr old a lift home because she'd messed up? Doesn't bear thinking about these days. Or actually, even a female teacher.

And that's sad.

Oh great, the dreaded 'safeguarding' has been mentioned. On a thread about a fifteen year old having to get home on their own after their own mistake. God help us all.

PMSL about setting off on an 8 mile walk though... In school shoes. With a heavy school bag. Fuck that and I like walking!

The average walking speed is around 4 miles per hour. So she could have walked into town in half an hour.

Well silly her, she chose her phone over using a bit of common sense. I'm sure she learnt her lesson. Don't go complaining to the school, it will only look embarrassing for you.