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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To be slightly annoyed that DD was left stranded at school

256 replies

GuiltyPleasure · 09/02/2016 22:02

DD is 15. She attends her local school which is about 8 miles from where we live. School is about 2 miles from the town, where there are very infrequent transport links to our village, but in the car it's only about a 20 minute journey. (Need to set context so as not to drip feed). Today DD was with 4 friends at lunchtime, they were all looking at their phones.. See teacher approaching, group put phones away. Teacher sees them & confiscates DD's phone, but no-one else's (DD says this is because teacher knows her because she's in his teaching group, but doesn't know the others, not sure I entirely believe her version of events) & told her to collect from the main office at end of school. 5 minutes before end of lesson another child was given permission to leave early to return a borrowed school tie to the office. DD asks if she can leave early to go to the office as well & told no. DD goes to office at end of school to get phone, knowing she has 10 mins till the school bus leaves. Office staff tell her the phone isn't here it's in x room. DD goes to x room, told to go to y room. Staff in y room tell her to wait a couple of minutes. DD tells them she needs to catch the bus so please could she get her phone back. Buses pick up a couple of minutes walk from main school building. By this time the bus had already left. Staff didn't offer any assistance. There is no other way for her to get home given our/school location. Very distressed DD rings me, so I have to leave work early 40mins away to collect her. I want to be clear I have no issue whatsoever with the phone being confiscated. She broke the rules & faced the consequences of that, but DD told staff on several occasions that she was time limited because she had to catch the school bus & by the time she left they knew she had missed it. AIBU to speak to the school to say I'm unhappy about this? I'm sure the confiscation was in theory the lightest form of punishment, but I'd rather they'd given her a break/lunchtime detention, which is the normal punishment for "minor" infractions of the school rules.?

OP posts:

Itsmine · 09/02/2016 22:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

fastdaytears · 09/02/2016 22:25

Ok so she wasn't stranded- she missed her bus because she decided her phone was more important. She then got collected so hasn't really had any inconvenience herself but you have.

Why did you need to leave work early?

Choughed · 09/02/2016 22:28

Why couldn't she walk? 2 miles is nothing.

Shoki · 09/02/2016 22:30

So why did you want to speak to the school? What are you unhappy about?

Vintage45 · 09/02/2016 22:31

I'd also be cross with DD, but hey, she's a young teenager.

I'd be rather sad and very concerned to think that no-one at the school really cared about her welfare knowing that she lives miles away and there isn't any other form of transport.

no73 · 09/02/2016 22:32

I can't understand why she didn't walk tbh. DS (6) walk to school and its just over a 1.5miles and he's been doing that since he was 3 and attending nursery there.

Why on earth would teachers be worrying about a 15 year old getting home at that time of day. You should have told her to walk to town IMO.

LaurieFairyCake · 09/02/2016 22:32

She should have left the phone

You should not have left work til the finish time. She could have walked or sat outside school on her phone

Tell her you won't do it again.

Vintage45 · 09/02/2016 22:36

People are so harsh here. I bet they wouldn't really be like that if it were their daughter OP

SavoyCabbage · 09/02/2016 22:36

The school not been able to find the phone sounds like a series of unfortunate events. She made a mistake and it's you that's ended up paying for it really.

She should have walked into the town. My dd is only 12 and she can run two miles.

HildaFlorence · 09/02/2016 22:36

No73 the OP says the school is 8 miles away , would you really expect a 15 year old to walk 8 miles ?

fastdaytears · 09/02/2016 22:37

No but the 2 miles into town where other buses go from would be fine

Vintage45 · 09/02/2016 22:39

I would have been concerned. Of course I would if a teacher etc. Ok, she did something a bit thoughtless but would a school really do that? They are minors and in their care. This is awful that anyone would think any different.

bessiebumptious2 · 09/02/2016 22:39

She should have left her phone. It probably would have done her good to realise that she will survive without it for less than a day.

She's old enough to use the legs she was born with to walk 2 miles home. It's not dark at that time now and if it was a bit cold, well, 2 miles is uncomfortable, not life threatening.

Who are you 'slightly annoyed' with, exactly? Would you have expected one of the school staff to drive her home? And potentially leave their own child to walk home? Who are you blaming for this?

YABU, by the way!

Original poster

GuiltyPleasure · 09/02/2016 22:40

I left work early because I have a very accommodating employer!
I admit when I started writing this I wasn't sure about who was being unreasonable.. Definitely DD for her lack of prioritising or me for being a soft parent. But I do think it would have been helpful for the school to contact me knowing she had no immediate means of getting home. (Drip feed) Het younger brother caught the bus & phoned me just to mention he'd only noticed when he got home that she hadn't been on the bus (it goes without saying that they're not the closest of siblings)!

OP posts:

GruntledOne · 09/02/2016 22:40

People are so harsh here. I bet they wouldn't really be like that if it were their daughter

I'd have collected my daughter, but I'd have been seriously unimpressed that she got herself into a totally avoidable situation because she couldn't bear to leave her stupid phone. And, if she could wait safely at the school, I might well have told her I wasn't going to leave work early to fetch her.

fastdaytears · 09/02/2016 22:40

But she had her phone. Why would the school ring you?

MyFriendsCallMeOh · 09/02/2016 22:42

Why did you need to leave work early to collect her? Most schools are open pretty late with meetings etc. Our school day finishes at 3.20 but I have friends who teach there who are often there til 5 or 5.30.....

Original poster

GuiltyPleasure · 09/02/2016 22:43

& for clarity, the school is 2 miles from the nearest town, but our village is 6 miles further out, with a bus that runs every 2 hours.

OP posts:

bessiebumptious2 · 09/02/2016 22:44

Are schools expected to do everything now? Even after school has finished?

Oh boy I'm glad I never went into teaching... imagine if they had every pupil doing the same! I'd never get home after trying to sort everyone's personal issues out. What piffle.

gingerdad · 09/02/2016 22:46

She has these wonderful things Called feet.

Shoki · 09/02/2016 22:46

She's 15, not 5. Unless she asked the school to contact you and they refused, I don't see a problem. Didn't she have her phone by then anyway?

Vintage45 · 09/02/2016 22:46

Of course the school should have contacted you. Teens are just that and probably value their phones more than their lives at that age I'd feel exactly the same as you OP about the matter. I'm just glad I sent my children to a school where the adults in it had a bit of sense and cared about their charges.

PaulAnkaTheDog · 09/02/2016 22:48

Bloody hell. She's 15, she had her phone. Why should the school contact you?!

no73 · 09/02/2016 22:49

hilda I don't consider 8 miles to be a huge amount no (again have regularly walked 5-6 miles with DS) but as the OP said it was 2 miles into town which is an easy distance for a 15 year old to do.

Gwenhwyfar · 09/02/2016 22:50

I missed the school bus once because a teacher was delayed with something. I remember panicking and being told by a teacher that it would be OK. When I realised it wasn't I was in a right state. I think I was a sixth former and quite independent, but missing the bus was still seen as the end of the world (would have taken two or three separate buses and long walks to get home on public transport). We used to run really fast when the bell rang and I think it was just a thing for us that we had to get the bus - I remember a teacher who was also a former pupil admitting that she used to have nightmares about it.
A teacher gave me a lift and all was well in the end .

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