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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To be slightly annoyed that DD was left stranded at school

256 replies

GuiltyPleasure · 09/02/2016 22:02

DD is 15. She attends her local school which is about 8 miles from where we live. School is about 2 miles from the town, where there are very infrequent transport links to our village, but in the car it's only about a 20 minute journey. (Need to set context so as not to drip feed). Today DD was with 4 friends at lunchtime, they were all looking at their phones.. See teacher approaching, group put phones away. Teacher sees them & confiscates DD's phone, but no-one else's (DD says this is because teacher knows her because she's in his teaching group, but doesn't know the others, not sure I entirely believe her version of events) & told her to collect from the main office at end of school. 5 minutes before end of lesson another child was given permission to leave early to return a borrowed school tie to the office. DD asks if she can leave early to go to the office as well & told no. DD goes to office at end of school to get phone, knowing she has 10 mins till the school bus leaves. Office staff tell her the phone isn't here it's in x room. DD goes to x room, told to go to y room. Staff in y room tell her to wait a couple of minutes. DD tells them she needs to catch the bus so please could she get her phone back. Buses pick up a couple of minutes walk from main school building. By this time the bus had already left. Staff didn't offer any assistance. There is no other way for her to get home given our/school location. Very distressed DD rings me, so I have to leave work early 40mins away to collect her. I want to be clear I have no issue whatsoever with the phone being confiscated. She broke the rules & faced the consequences of that, but DD told staff on several occasions that she was time limited because she had to catch the school bus & by the time she left they knew she had missed it. AIBU to speak to the school to say I'm unhappy about this? I'm sure the confiscation was in theory the lightest form of punishment, but I'd rather they'd given her a break/lunchtime detention, which is the normal punishment for "minor" infractions of the school rules.?

OP posts:
DancingDinosaur · 09/02/2016 23:13

If it was lunchtime what was the issue with them looking at their phones anyway Confused

Duck90 · 09/02/2016 23:13

What are the 2 miles between the school and town like? Are they single track roads with no pavements?

Original poster
GuiltyPleasure · 09/02/2016 23:14

Thanks for all the responses, much appreciated & I accept I'm officially a bit, but not completely unreasonable 😀

OP posts:
Gwenhwyfar · 09/02/2016 23:14

"The average walking speed is around 4 miles per hour."

No, that's quite brisk. The average is closer to 3 miles an hour.

IguanaTail · 09/02/2016 23:15

Why couldn't she have waited at school for you if you don't want her to walk?

bessiebumptious2 · 09/02/2016 23:15

Why don't you give her enough money for a taxi for use in these circumstances. It's NOT the school's problem - it's yours.

Give her some money and make it clear that if she uses it for something else then she has an 8 mile walk in the circumstances. Teaches her money management as well as responsibility.

It's just softly preparing for adulthood, which is a target.

Vintage45 · 09/02/2016 23:15

Children that go to schools miles away probably don't know how to walk into town two miles away, they're on their own and lost. Or that's how I'm seeing it.

Im understanding that the school knew that the child hadn't been picked up, no one at the school offered assistance.

PovertyPain · 09/02/2016 23:16

I despair. Is it any wonder so many young people seem unable to cope in the big wide world. Sorry OP, but she broke the rules, then felt her phone was so important that she took the risk of missing her bus to retrieve it, but some how it's the school's fault? Yes it would have been easier for your daughter to get her phone if it was in a designated area, but if I was a teacher thank fuck I'm not, I'd end up doing time a rule breaking child's phone would be down my list of priorities if I was thing to get something finished before I got home to my own family. Yes, kids break rules, but they have to accept the consequences of that. She's lucky you're prepared to pick her up, but maybe tell her she has to walk next time she gets into trouble at school.

IguanaTail · 09/02/2016 23:16

3mph? So it would have taken 40 mins.

RudeElf · 09/02/2016 23:17

Wow! Do parents/teens really expect such arse wiping from schools?

Phone should have been left to the morning. As it wasnt and she missed bus she should have just waited in school until you finished work or walked to town to get the next bus.

Vintage45 · 09/02/2016 23:17

Of course you aren't OP Grin

bessiebumptious2 · 09/02/2016 23:17

GuiltyPleasure Wine Flowers Wink

PaulAnkaTheDog · 09/02/2016 23:18

I love you op. Admitting yabu is almost mythological in aibu. You're pretty much a unicorn in my eyes Wink

ZiggyFartdust · 09/02/2016 23:18

Totally yabu. She could have left her phone and caught the bus. Or got her phone and rang you for a lift, which she did.
What on earth did she have to be distressed about? And why would the school contact you when she was perfectly able to do that for herself?

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 09/02/2016 23:18

Oh I knew the little blinkers brigade would be out in full force. Heaven forbid you should dare worry about your child's safety once they get into the big school.
15 or not these are dark nights. Any pervert rapist or lunatic could be prowling around. If she was there on her own. You hear of things
Thank God op was able to pick her up, and its all very well to say. Why couldn't she wait for her phone, well show me a 15 year old isnt attached to their phone.

IguanaTail · 09/02/2016 23:19

To be honest OP, I would expect about 80% of parents to blame the school for this and not their child. (Teacher picking on child; confused pick up point; lack of interest in her safeguarding). A lot of parents are quite happy for rules to be applied quite harshly until it comes to their snowflake, at which point it's all quite unfair and unkind.

PaulAnkaTheDog · 09/02/2016 23:19

The Wink was supposed to be a Grin. That might have looked creepy...

Vintage45 · 09/02/2016 23:19

A school in the country/small town or village that has pupils having to attend from miles away and knowing that, should of course have things in place for this sort of occurrence.

IguanaTail · 09/02/2016 23:20

There we go! Perverts and lunatics at every corner!

bessiebumptious2 · 09/02/2016 23:21

Children that go to schools miles away probably don't know how to walk into town two miles away, they're on their own and lost. Or that's how I'm seeing it.

Two legs in front of the other, normally. Surely to goodness you don't think that someone of 15 yrs old doesn't know the way from home to school? Really? I'd be really worried if a child of mine couldn't navigate that journey and as their parent, I'd see to it that they did know!

Iliveinalighthousewiththeghost · 09/02/2016 23:21

"Why don't you give her enough money for a taxi."
Oh just like that. I think people must be under the illusion that you have a tenner tree growing happily in your garden.

RudeElf · 09/02/2016 23:22

should of course have things in place for this sort of occurrence.

This sort of occurence? A pupil missing their bus and phoning their mum? What more exactly needed to happen?

bessiebumptious2 · 09/02/2016 23:24

Why couldn't she wait for her phone, well show me a 15 year old isnt attached to their phone.

If they spend less time with their heads down, texting, sexting or uploading then they'd be more AWARE of what's going on around them anyway, so .. no phone? ... win/win!

RudeElf · 09/02/2016 23:24

I'd be really worried if a child of mine couldn't navigate that journey

Me too. and speaking as the mother of a 6yo who made his way to asda 1 mile away on his own i dont think i'll have that problem Blush

Vintage45 · 09/02/2016 23:24

A 15 year old child, yes a child walking for 8 hours on her own Grin

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