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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have another child and be done with it

402 replies

greenkitee · 01/02/2016 16:03

I need to have a section with any other baby I have, I don't particularly like the thought of this and would love to avoid it but unfortunately cannot avoid it.

But I would like to start toning up my belly, should I just have another baby and tone up after? Or tone up for nothing as will need a section anyway

I'm currently on JSA, but I do work 16 hour so will be able to save from my work.

Should I just get child baring over and done with?

OP posts:
sharonthewaspandthewineywall · 01/02/2016 16:07

Is there a rush? how old are you?

Original poster
greenkitee · 01/02/2016 16:08

I don't even know if this makes sense. Is there ever a right time to have another baby?

OP posts:
TheCatsMeow · 01/02/2016 16:08

If you want another child have one. Having a section doesn't automatically wreck your stomach though, I had one and it's back to normal.

Original poster
greenkitee · 01/02/2016 16:09

There's no rush at all, I'm only 21 Blush but I feel like as soon as my youngest goes to funded nursery the job centre will be on my back to go to work full time and I'm a bit scared that I'll never find a job Blush

OP posts:
abbieanders · 01/02/2016 16:10

Never a right time and if there was, events would still conspire to make it wrong. So go for it. Babies are a joy and privilege when you want them, never lose the chance to have a wanted baby if you can avoid it.

Original poster
greenkitee · 01/02/2016 16:13

The 16 job I currently have is cleaning very dirty offices, it's back breaking and hard work. I only took it because Job centre advised me to but I feel terrible for having a baby while on benefits, like I'm a scrounger Blush I don't want my children thinking this is normal, even though I do work. Am I over thinking this?

OP posts:
TheCatsMeow · 01/02/2016 16:16

You're over thinking it Grin

BasinHaircut · 01/02/2016 16:29

I'm Not sure I understand what the issue is? Are you concerned about your stomach muscles or job?!

FWIW I had a c-section and my stomach muscles are fine.

Original poster
greenkitee · 01/02/2016 16:34

Nor do I lol I just wanted some opinions I guess, maybe chat would have been better for this.

  • I am scared that I will be pressured into getting a full time job once my child goes to funded nursery at 2
  • I am scared that I will never find a full time job and so should have another baby right now giving me some extra time to find that perfect job
  • I am concerned for the section, we are talking surgery here. My first labour was very traumatic and was told I would need a c section for any more babies
  • I just think I'm being stupid for thinking about another baby while being on benefits, I certainly do not want to be on them forever and I do not want to scrounge
OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 01/02/2016 16:36

What does your partner think?

Original poster
greenkitee · 01/02/2016 16:38

He would be happy, although probably be happier if we waited an extra year or two. He thinks I should also tone up right now

OP posts:
unimaginativename13 · 01/02/2016 16:40

The job center will only be on your back if you wish to claim job seekers allowance ( the clue is in the name) and not actively seek work.

If you don't want to work then don't, but don't claim either.

Can your partner support you?

expatinscotland · 01/02/2016 16:40

You're considering creating a new life because of your stomach muscles? You're 21. You have plenty of time.

BeautifulLiar · 01/02/2016 16:41

The job centre can put pressure on you, but not force you. When you're moved over to Universal credit they can make you find a job when your child is 3, but it would need to be within school hours etc.

I'm scared of c-sections for the same reason Blush never had one though so can't advise.

DH was made redundant and had to claim JSA when I was 38 weeks pregnant with my third but he found another job and things were ok :)

Akire · 01/02/2016 16:43

You do not need to be looking for a job till your youngest starts full time school. Surely you can't be on JSA and working 16h? Do you mean income support? You can do some voluntary work and earn around £20 but you will be way over that on mim wage.

It's great that you are working albeit not at a job you currently love! Why would you think you could never get a full time job or a different job?

Hold off on the baby idea for time being having one because you don't think you can get a job is the worst reason to have one. You have plenty of time to have one still. What job would you like? You could still study for 2y and get help with childcare before job centre can start making noises about you looking for a full time job.

PurpleDaisies · 01/02/2016 16:43

Looking at the reasons you've given, it sounds like you're seeing a new baby as a way to avoid dealing with situations that will be coming up that you'll find challenging (a potential return to work, having to "tone up") rather than because you and your partner really want to have another baby.

Do you think if you had a positive chat with a careers advisor about some ways you could train so you could do a job you enjoy you'd feel differently? I know it's really hard when work is stressful and busy but it can't be avoided forever (unless you're better at picking lottery numbers than me!).

Original poster
greenkitee · 01/02/2016 16:45

I've got a joint claim with the job centre, it's for me and my partner but I'm the one who works which job centre know and are fine with
DP is currently doing a radio course Which is unpaid and job centre know about and agreed that's what he should be doing while also searching for work
If I got pregnant, I think it would move to income support, I'm not sure about that but I just feel reckless to think about a baby while relying on benefits

OP posts:
unimaginativename13 · 01/02/2016 16:51

Yes it is pretty reckless if you plan to have a baby that you may not be able to support financially. Also pretty reckless to have a baby based on the future of your stomach muscles.

Original poster
greenkitee · 01/02/2016 16:53

I didn't say it was based on that, I just think it's pointless trying to tone up and then get pregnant years down the line which my partner doesn't seem to see

OP posts:
PurpleDaisies · 01/02/2016 16:55

How long does your partner's course last? It would seem sensible to put off having another baby at least until he has an income.

MorrisZapp · 01/02/2016 17:02

It's entirely up to you of course, but since you ask I think these are the worst reasons for having a baby I've ever heard.

Xmasbaby11 · 01/02/2016 17:04

At your age I'd definitely wait until at least one of you has a better income.

No reason why you can't shape up then get pregnant in a few years then get back into shape.

I had a c section with DD2. It was far, far better than the traumatic vaginal birth with DD1! It is all controlled and only takes about 20mins. I wish I'd had one with DD1.

TheCatsMeow · 01/02/2016 17:05

You can get income support now

hownottofuckup · 01/02/2016 17:05

It's definitely not pointless to tone up prior to pregnancy.

Iamnotloobrushphobic · 01/02/2016 17:09

If you want a baby then have one but tell your partner to get a job first. It is a little irresponsible to have a planned baby knowing that neither you nor your partner are going to be working to support it ( I have no problem with top up benefits or benefits due to unforeseen circumstances).
The stomach muscle issue is just a red herring / excuse to have a baby now when you know deep down that there are bigger barriers.

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