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AIBU?

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Original poster

To have another child and be done with it

402 replies

greenkitee · 01/02/2016 16:03

I need to have a section with any other baby I have, I don't particularly like the thought of this and would love to avoid it but unfortunately cannot avoid it.

But I would like to start toning up my belly, should I just have another baby and tone up after? Or tone up for nothing as will need a section anyway

I'm currently on JSA, but I do work 16 hour so will be able to save from my work.

Should I just get child baring over and done with?

OP posts:
Original poster
greenkitee · 01/02/2016 17:13

I know, I'm just thinking about it. I don't particularly want to have a baby when I'm not even working full time yet, I hate the thought of relying on them
I mentioned the stomach muscle as my partner thinks I'm podgy and should tone up, I say if we have another baby now or within a year what's the point of toning up, trivial issue I know

OP posts:
MummaGiles · 01/02/2016 17:15

I had an emergency c-section and it was amazing. Don't be scared of it. I'd have another given the chance rather than going through labour. The recovery takes a few weeks but it gets easier every day, and I suspect you're hardly up and dancing straight after a difficult vaginal birth.

TheCatsMeow · 01/02/2016 17:15

I can see what you mean, it's annoying to tone up before pregnancy BUT if you don't gain much weight you'll get your figure back quickly

pinkdelight · 01/02/2016 17:27

"I am scared that I will never find a full time job and so should have another baby right now giving me some extra time to find that perfect job"

That's quite confused thinking. The baby won't give you time to find that perfect job. It'll make you more scared that you've been out of the job market/education/training and further away from getting that perfect job, and also increase your need to earn more to fund your dependents. Why not use the time you have now to figure out what your perfect job is and start working towards it. I really don't see how having another baby will do that.

pinkdelight · 01/02/2016 17:29

"my partner thinks I'm podgy and should tone up"

he sounds charming! I'd wait for him to grow up before having another baby with him.

expatinscotland · 01/02/2016 17:54

'I mentioned the stomach muscle as my partner thinks I'm podgy and should tone up, I say if we have another baby now or within a year what's the point of toning up, trivial issue I know'

He needs to tone up his attitude.

neonrainbow · 01/02/2016 17:59

Sure you want to have another baby with a man who criticises your appearance and doesnt work to support the child he already has?

Palomb · 01/02/2016 17:59

And here is the reason our government have drastically slashed benefits - people treat them like a viable lifestyle choice!

Op you can't afford another baby. Get your head down, get a better job and then think about it when you aren't expecting the rest of us to pay for it.

Muskateersmummy · 01/02/2016 18:03

Today 17:59 Palomb

And here is the reason our government have drastically slashed benefits - people treat them like a viable lifestyle choice!

Op you can't afford another baby. Get your head down, get a better job and then think about it when you aren't expecting the rest of us to pay for it.

This!!!

susurration · 01/02/2016 18:10
  1. If you tone up prior to pregnancy your stomach muscles will be in better shape to cope with the pregnancy and recovery from a C-section.
  1. Full time jobs come with more money than you'll earn on JSA/16 hpw plus maternity benefits when you do actually get pregnant AND a job to go back to if its a permanent one. Win win.
Ifiwasabadger · 01/02/2016 18:11

I was .38 when I had my c section, and I have a flat stomach and am in better shape than ever...just stared Pilates and have abs....c sections won't ruin you!

Original poster
greenkitee · 01/02/2016 18:12

I have already said I don't want a baby while on benefits! I can only work 16 hours because I have no option of childcare, even when he goes to nursery I still can only work 16 hours

OP posts:
expatinscotland · 01/02/2016 18:15

Why on Earth isn't your partner supporting his family? If you don't want a baby on benefits, then you shouldn't have one now.

CheshireChat · 01/02/2016 18:20

If your partner isn't working surely he'll provide the "childcare" so you can go back full time. I'd also keep in mind that if you don't earn enough to cover childcare for one child then it's going to be very unlikely to be able to pay for 2 or even 3 if twins!

witsender · 01/02/2016 18:24

Why can you only work 16 hours when child is at nursery? Is nursery not available for more than that? Can't the father look after him if he isn't working? Are either of you doing any paid work at the moment? I really wouldn't be bringing a baby into that situation.

Original poster
greenkitee · 01/02/2016 18:28

Nursery is only 16 hours, my partner does a radio course so he doesn't babysit. And yes I work! I work 16 hours, my wages just about cover childcare wih JSA covering rent etc

OP posts:
Original poster
greenkitee · 01/02/2016 18:30

Nursery is free when my son turns two though, so technically would only be paying for one child care

OP posts:
MrsMook · 01/02/2016 18:32

DS1 was an EMCS. It was well worth toning up and losing the baby weight just in time to undo for my second pregnancy. The pregnancy was less tiring, and SPD less painful for being lighter and stronger.

It was also worth getting a temporary job in my profession for being more employable after my second baby.

There's never a right time to have a baby, but some circumstances are less right than others.

If your plan is to have your family first, and then focus on improving your job prospects, many people have done well on the long term. It's hard work though. I struggle when I have to get two young ones to their separate childcare before work.

TheHiphopopotamus · 01/02/2016 18:32

Jesus, I could understand the rush if you were 40+ and the biological clock was ticking, but you're 21!

And there's no way you should be having another baby when you can barely support the one you've got. Wait until your partner has a job and can support you.

Actually, I can't believe this is real. It's like one of those benefits articles you see in 'Closer' 🙄

witsender · 01/02/2016 18:32

Is his radio course full time? You're still young, I'd wait until you were more secure

CultureSucksDownWords · 01/02/2016 18:34

Is your partner's stomach toned and not podgy? His attitude stinks, he shouldn't be commenting on whether your stomach is toned or not.

And, if you got a full time job now, you could presumably afford childcare, and get maternity benefits as a PP has said. Is your partner's course full time? If not then he would be available to look after your child whilst you worked.

expatinscotland · 01/02/2016 18:41

'my partner does a radio course so he doesn't babysit.'

It's not babysitting, it's looking after his own child. Plenty of people look after their children in addition to doing a course full-time and/or working. I would not have another child with this man until he starts pulling his weight. Not looking his kid, not supporting his child and then telling the mother of her child she is podgy and needs to tone up? What a nobber.

Palomb · 01/02/2016 18:42

What's a radio course anyway?

CalleighDoodle · 01/02/2016 18:44
  1. What is a radio course? How long does it last? Will he be more easily able to get a job when it is finished?
  2. What do you enjoy? What skills do you have? What career do you want and do you know how to get it?

I seriously would not consider another baby atm. Wait until your partner's course has finished and he is working. I think he is an arse to say youre podgy, BUT im all for getting fit and toning up.

It will be much easier starting your career at this point with one rather than two children.

Original poster
greenkitee · 01/02/2016 18:50

It's a course to be a radio presenter, it's not full time but it is 12 hours a week, it will last until November
There is no guarantee of him getting a job, at most a volunteer

I have no skills, not interested in anything and this is why I'm possibly shiteing myself to get a full time job Blush

OP posts:
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